Christmas isn't so merry for all of us

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 25, 2024

If you had a not-so-merry Christmas, you're not alone.

If you felt you didn't fit in with family and friends over the last few days, no one will ever see a commercial in which you are not celebrating. Commercials are intended to pull heartstrings enough to cause you to buy what they're selling, so reminding them that people are suffering instead of celebrating would be a downer. We get avoided and, most of the time, ignored. Many of us don't have anyone, so we spent today alone, remembering when we had people in our lives and reasons to celebrate.

I avoid news, coverage of Christmas parades, and anything related to Christmas on TV. Instead, I watch supernatural movies and shows on streaming channels, so I won't have to see commercials reminding me of how we're supposed to be happy.

If you have #PTSD, surviving the "IT" was just the start of our adjusting to the new normal no one warned us about. Usually, we're surrounded by people who don't know what it's like for us, and most of the time, it's because we won't tell them. It may sound strange, but we can isolate even with people around us.

Here are reminders that while you may feel lonely, you are far from alone.

You don't have to have PTSD to be alone.

America's top doctor declares LONELINESS an epidemic and warns it's as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day

Millions of Americans will be celebrating on their own this Christmas amid a nationwide loneliness epidemic, a survey has revealed.

Lonely night: Interactive map reveals how many Americans will spend Christmas alone in YOUR state

A new poll showed that around 19 million Americans are due to spend Christmas alone this year, which is one in 14 adults.

Over a Million New Yorkers Are Spending Christmas Alone

A recent study found that more than a third of adults 45 or older experience loneliness, with nearly a quarter of adults 65 or older considered socially isolated.

The research cited in the report shows this has been happening even before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Increases in the risk of anxiety, depression, heart disease, dementia and stroke were also linked to the lack of social connection.

Spending Christmas alone this year? How to make the most of it New York psychologist Dr. Bryant Williams agreed, noting that being alone during the holidays "accentuates existing problems."

So there you have it. You are not alone being alone. Tomorrow will be a different day. I usually spend it shopping to buy things I need on sale. I have more money to do it since I'm not spending money on Christmas decorations no one will see. Gee one more helpful hint, look on the bright side of even this.

Understanding the PTSD painkiller is the start of healing

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 14, 2024

Change your brain's perception of the pain from PTSD.

When we have physical pain, doctors prescribe medication to block pain receptors in our brains. Cleveland Clinic explains how they work with this,

"...analgesics don’t turn off nerves, change the ability to sense your surroundings, or alter consciousness."

 What they do is this, 

"Analgesic opioids (also called narcotics) work by changing the brain’s perception of pain."

When you have #PTSD,  there is something that will not only change your brain's perception of pain, it will change your ability to alter your consciousness. It isn't magic, although some call it a miracle. It is waking up one day to discover suffering does not have to follow what you survived.

The only way for PTSD to strike is to survive something. The National Center for PTSD has a list of what can cause it. The first painkiller is understanding how many others are going through the same thing as you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Part of surviving is the tendency to become paranoid of others, especially when someone causes the trauma. You can have panic attacks and mood swings and experience the flight or fight response. 

That was the most significant result I had to deal with. My first husband tried to kill me and then stalked me. I moved over a thousand miles away from him, but the memory of what he did followed me. He drove a muscle car, and the sound sent me over the edge. Logically, I knew it wasn't him, but my memories overtook my awareness. I still find it strange this event took such a hold over me that I couldn't shake it off until I became aware he passed away. I survived over nine other events that left residual, but I was able to shake off enough to overcome the emotional rollercoaster ride from hell.

Anger is one of those pesky responses that can push people you care about away from you. Yep, been there too. It isn't fun.

Knowledge is also a painkiller you don't need a pill for. The pain of survival could have taken over my life, but I am stubborn. There was no way I would allow it to rip me apart from what I believed. While there are dangers in the world and things happen, we have no control over them. I knew we only control ourselves. I am also an inquisitive person. I needed to know what PTSD was because of my husband. He survived Vietnam. While most people believe PTSD only strikes veterans, it strikes a large percentage of survivors. 

Some of us need a psychologist—I did. Most of us need to know that there is hope of living a happier life because we're humans. Having someone willing to listen to us without trying to fix us is a painkiller.

Having someone share why they understand us because of their own experiences is a painkiller.

Knowing my family loved me and my friends cared about me was a painkiller. They had no way of knowing what I was going through because I didn't. I couldn't explain it to them until I learned what was causing my changes. The strange thing is, that was over 40 years ago when I was researching Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to understand my husband. I understood what surviving did to me, so I was able to understand what it did to veterans. What I didn't know was I had a rare case of PTSD tied to my first husband because of a lifetime of survival and my knowledge of PTSD. If it sounds screwed up to you, it was to me too.

Once you decide you're tired of being unhappy, read all you can, talk to someone you trust, share what you are going through, and let people know it isn't caused by them. Learn to lean on someone, and then you can offer a shoulder to someone else. Be willing to become their painkiller and hope maker.

Veterans should ask for fewer government benefits?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 9, 2024

When a politician tells you their plan, you need to listen before you vote for them! 

Veterans are freaking out, and rightfully so. The first time Donald Trump was president, he wanted to cut veterans' benefits. Congress wouldn't let that happen. Now that he wants to do it again, they will likely let him do whatever he wants. 

Considering Trump is planning on cutting Medicare, which seniors paid for while they worked, more veterans will need the VA healthcare benefits they earned but did not apply for. Too many veterans rejected applying for benefits because they thought others were worse off than they were and needed it more. And now, making matters worse, the plan is to cut benefits for veterans!

CNN reported Hegseth and Collins’ push for cutting veterans’ health benefits alarms service members and veterans groups

If confirmed, Hegseth and Collins will have the opportunity to push for a dramatic overhaul of the military and veteran health care system, one that could significantly cut government health benefits for service members and veterans – many of which Hegseth says veterans should not be asking for at all.

It was March 2018, and then-President Donald Trump was meeting with his Department of Veterans Affairs Secretary, Dr. David Shulkin, about how to reform veteran health care. But it was Hegseth, then a Fox News personality, whose opinion Trump really wanted.

Hegseth, now Trump’s nominee to serve as secretary of defense, had been a vocal and persistent advocate for veterans having unfettered access to private health care, rather than having to go through the VA to keep their benefits. He’s also lobbied for policies that would restrict VA care and believes veterans should ask for fewer government benefits.
read the rest here

I've heard many veterans say they voted for him, but I didn't hear any of them say they listened to him. None of them had a clue, and now it's too late. The only thing we can do is make sure we do all we can so our members of the House and Senate stand up for us.

Where witches existed beyond the boundaries of imagination

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 7, 2024

When was the last time some change in your life turned out to be a good one? I know I was apprehensive any time it did. When you survive the thing that caused #PTSD, it changes you into a survivor.  Some people love to remind us of that, but when we deal with the changes it causes, we become terrified the next time something changes.

The Scribe of Salem: "Ministers of the Mystery by Kathie Costos is an enthralling debut in a series that seamlessly blends fantasy, supernatural horror, and elements of spirituality."

His life sucked! Every change that happened to him over the last seven years was terrible. It was September 13, 2019, precisely seven years after he survived a bomb blast in Afghanistan. He wasn't sitting at the bar of the Bishop Hotel celebrating. He has been lamenting his losses since then. PTSD killed his career as a combat journalist. When he returned home, his wife wasn't grateful he survived. She tried to kill him. That wasn't enough for her. She stalked him. Drinking to numb himself left him jobless and homeless. He couldn't leave LA fast enough, so he let his wife have their condo.

He took his time returning to Salem, visiting churches along the way, searching for God, and trying to fill the spiritual void. He didn't find anything to fill it. He left his hometown as a successful reporter. He came back as a successful failure.

So, he sat at the bar while his only friend poured him drinks and listened to him between customers. After listening to him every night for three years, Ed knew almost everything about Chris. What he didn't know was just an hour before Chris walked into the bar, he tried to kill himself.

And then it happened. The change entered the door and set off a series of events that would send Chris into a world no reporter had ever encountered: a world of secret societies and conspiracies, a world where witches existed beyond the boundaries of imagination.

Are you tired of people saying the Bible is the written word of God while failing to see that God didn't make mistakes or edit its errors and omissions? God inspired it, but we all know human thoughts, emotions, and agendas get in the way. We also know that other books were left out of our Bibles. Want to learn how you have the power to reach out to God on your own without anyone getting in the way? Want to know about the passages members of the clergy won't give sermons on?

Suppose you believe in reincarnation, spirituality, and gifts within all of our spirits and are willing to witness the transformation of this successful failure. In that case, you can read the series at half off. 

Get caught up before the 1st Witch Of Salem is published next year.

Get The Scribe Of Salem at 50% off! You can also read The Visionary Of Salem and the 13th Minister Of Salem at this discounted price with the link to the Ministers Of The Mystery Series.

Now is your best chance to find my entire ebook collection for a promotional price at @Smashwords as part of their 2024 End of Year Sale! Find my books and many more at https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/promos/ through January 1! #SmashwordsEoYSale #Smashwords

Are dark empaths using your pain?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 22, 2024

Beware of dark empaths! They feed off your pain, grief, and fears!

Stay calm, but I've been working on the next book, the 1st Witch Of Salem. It won't be finished until 2025. I can't give the story away, but one of the significant themes addresses what makes us us. It is the spirit within us.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” John 4:23-24

I no longer consider myself "religious," but I still believe in God and Jesus. This may seem confusing until you understand that churches have managed to divide people with their manmade rules and conditions. Jesus made no such demands. I find more comfort and power when speaking directly to God through my spirit. So yes, you can be one while not being the other.

Our spirits are immortal because they are created in His image. Our bodies are biological, but our spirits hold meaning to our lives. Everything that makes us who we are lives in our spirit and the spirit lives in our minds. Psychologists have been trying to figure out the magical components dwelling in our minds for centuries. Recently, they concluded that there are findings they cannot put into a box of what has become rational.

They have been studying empaths. Empaths can feel your pain, grief, and fears. They pay an emotional price while trying to help you. After trying to figure out what makes someone a sociopath, some began to focus on dark empaths. They can feel all that comes from your spirit; instead of paying a price to help you, they feed off it and use it to manipulate you.

Dark empaths are skilled at expressing empathy in a cognitive way rather than an emotional way, and the emotional distance they retain while operating equips them with a laser focus to achieve their ends through manipulation, gaslighting, or bullying.

I discovered this while researching the meaning of empaths. I have empathy, but there are different types of empaths. Discovering the meaning became vital because I met an empath, Jennifer of Lilac City Paranormal. I sought her out because I needed to understand how no one seems to agree on what happens to spirits after our bodies die.

Some, like me, believe in reincarnation. I also believe in heaven and hell. The belief in a spirit realm made it more complicated, and ghosts exist. How can all of it exist? Jennifer explained that it can. She willingly accepts the emotional pain she has to endure because she uses her spiritual gift to help others. I could feel that and see it in her eyes. When she spoke about how much pain they were in, I saw her grief. When she talked about the people she helped, I saw joy. No one can fake that.

Dark empaths find faking they want to help easy to do. Knowing people have emotional/spiritual needs, they pretend to have the ability to make us feel better. The only one they care about is themselves. We may walk away feeling empowered by anger toward others and hatred for anyone we can blame for our pain. Sure, that can take our minds off the cause of our pain, redirecting our negative energy to the forefront of our minds, but the pain lingers. Sooner or later, we regret having trusted someone with our deepest emotions. We already find it hard to trust someone when we live with #PTSD. Encountering a dark empath can get in the way of reaching out for help from anyone else. It's hard enough to find hope, but once they get their claws into us, we give up.

It makes it worse when they could be in any position they choose to do. Religious leaders, politicians, lawyers, doctors, coworkers, and bosses can all be dark empaths. They hide it well unless you understand what they do more than what they look like.

If you fall prey to a dark empath, there is something that can offer you comfort. Some don't want to live that way, and they even seek help to live a better life.

While dark empaths can change—especially with counseling—they must first acknowledge and show remorse for what they have done to you and be willing to change for the better.

Dark empaths are not the same as the dark triad.

The term “dark triad” was coined by researchers in 2002 to identify someone with personality traits that don’t meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of associated personality disorders.

It consists of three personality traits: psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.

A person with the personality traits of the dark triad may have signs of one or all these traits. They may exhibit:

lack of respect and empathy for others
arrogance
an unhealthy fascination with themselves
manipulation and lying
a need for attention and praise
an unhealthy preoccupation with gaining power
violent or aggressive behavior
lack of remorse or regret

Once you realize that even they can change, you begin to understand their spirits are trying to wake them up. Until they do, you are better off staying away from them when you can, or if not, realize they cannot be trusted with your emotions. It is one thing for someone to say they feel your pain but never intend to help you. It is miraculous for them to say they feel your pain and then do what they can to help you. The good news is there are more givers than the users.

(The cover design for the new book is done)