Will ever see a day when no survivor regrets surviving?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 19, 2024

1692 had many lessons for us to learn from, but we chose to repeat the same mistakes instead of learning those lessons.

I find myself getting more and more unable to control myself when I hear a lie, especially when in regards to #PTSD. It happened when I was shopping at Home Depot. I had a large witch broom in the shopping cart and was wearing a shirt with "1692, they missed one."

Maybe TMI, but I had it on because my great-niece wanted to see it, so I put on the hat, too. I thought you needed to know how strange I looked when I stopped to talk to a woman after overhearing her talk about 22 veterans a day committing suicide. Had it been the other way around, I don't think I'd be as polite to a stranger who looked like I did and wanted to talk to me. But she was courteous and willing to listen. After all, she was a member of the National Guards.

I corrected the rumor of what she thought to be accurate by pointing out that the number came from the VA in 2012 and clearly stated that the data came from just 21 states with limited data. The majority of veterans committing suicide were over the age of 50, but no one was talking about them. Hell, they still aren't.

And then I told her that if they understood that we, as civilians, battle PTSD after surviving just one event, they'd stop thinking they had anything to be ashamed of. We are discovering that surviving the unthinkable is not the end of our future. It is a new beginning. If we dare to reach out to others, we have the power to deliver someone from evil trying to take over their lives.

PTSD is like no other illness. It is an evil invader, trying to erode hope, making us feel unworthy of surviving what we did, and pushing people away while we need them to help us heal. What we fail to notice is that talking about people losing so much hope, they wanted to end their suffering the only way they knew how, isn't helpful. They need to know that others face the same darkness and discover how they can live happier lives if not perfect ones. It worsens when a veteran hears some people simply repeat a number that isn't real, as if it doesn't matter. They need to hear about the one person they can gain inspiration from because their life does matter to the person talking to them.

The lesson we must learn about the witch trials for this part is simple. Lies were deadly then. People weren't just executed. They were tortured. Family members were tortured. Every villager feared becoming the next accused if they dared to speak. Most people disapproved of what was happening but were too afraid to speak out. PTSD was alive and thriving in Salem Village, but no one knew what to call it other than an affliction. The "victims" needed people to stand up for them in mass and deliver the accused from the evil being committed against them. 

The same holds true now when others are "afflicted" by PTSD because we survived, and no one is talking about how we lose hope in higher numbers because there are more of us. We wait and watch to see how veterans are treated with meaningless slogans, as too many suffer, and we wonder if we will ever see a day when no survivor regrets surviving. 

I left Home Depot wondering why the woman I was talking to told me she knew about the research and still repeated the false number of 22 a day. It wasn't that she didn't care. I thought it may have been because it is what far too many people believed to be true.

Salem Witch Trials and the trauma no one got over

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 12, 2024

When you think about the Salem Witch Trials, you may focus on the 20 innocent people murdered after being accused of being witches. What you probably don't think about is what happened to those who suffered because they lived to tell the tales no one wanted to hear.

We enjoy movies and TV programs that portray witches. One of my favorites was a recent series on Netflix, A Discovery of Witches, which I binge-watched three times.

I was glad I sucked up the fact the protagonist, Diana Bishop, was supposed to be a descendant of Bridget Bishop, and she was a witch, but Bridget was not a witch. She was accused and the first to be hung. Once I could push that fact out of the way, I found A Discovery Of Witches fantastic.

When Matthew Clairmont, a vampire, had to prove he was haunted by those he killed or turned, it was clear he was haunted by what he had done. I never thought that a vampire could be traumatized or any monster. The scene was masterfully done.

Still, I have to wonder why Deborah Harkness, the author of the All Souls series the show was based on, had to include Bridget Bishop as a witch. I feel the same way about other shows I enjoy. If they mention any of the accused as witches, I have to block my ears.

Walk into any store, and you'll find bags filled with Halloween candy, creepy decorations, and costumes. Events are planned to handle the influx of tourists seeking to experience Salem's history as The Witch City. You'll find the Witch Dungeon. There, you can witness a reenactment of Sarah Good's trial. The problem is when the site opens with "Come raise the devil," it doesn't mention the fact the devil was in the accusers, but hell was what the accused had to endure. One of them was Sarah Good's four-year-old daughter Dorothy.

Dorothy Good said her mother, Sarah, was a witch. The problem was a four-year-old would have to be a genius to use the words she said.

During Good’s interrogation, her four-year-old daughter Dorothy “confessed” to witchcraft. Dorothy’s confession implicated Good for black magic, though some believe that Dorothy only “confessed” so that she could be reunited with her mother. Dorothy likewise alleged that her mother had gifted her a snake, or a “witches’ familiar.” Dorothy then showed the magistrates where the snake had sucked her blood, though some suspect that the wound was little more than a flea bite. Dorothy, who bit and pinched her interrogators, was, too, accused of witchcraft. Dorothy remained imprisoned for nine months at Salem Jail, an indefensible experience which left Dorothy mentally impaired.

Yet even the claim about Dorothy where she was held is disputed. Some notable sites say she was transferred to Boston because of overcrowding. Others say she was taken to Ipswitch after that. Salem "Jail" wasn't what we think a jail is. The dungeon was used for the most dangerous prisoners, such as murderers, pirates, and witches. It was dark and rat-infested, and the prisoners were shackled. The stench from human waste, filthy bodies covered with lice, and clothing turning into rags. And then there were the torture sessions. With 300 of the accused being provided room and board in four prisons, no one was released after being cleared of the charges until they paid for their "care," including paying for the use of the shackles. If they couldn't pay for food, they were given bread, water...and nothing more.

That horror was Dorothy Good's young life. It was also the lives of at least seven other children. It was how some spent their last days dying there. Lydia Dustin was one of them. She was held until her passing on March 10, 1693. No one was the same after those horrible months, but it was Dorothy Good's lifelong horror she would never recover from. She was forced to claim that her mother was a witch and that she was one as well. She watched Sarah give birth to her sister Mercy and then watched as Mercy died. She watched her mother being taken from her and never returned. And then spent months as a five-year-old in those horrible prisons.

They didn't know about the term PTSD back then, but they sure as hell knew what it was. 

Those are just some traumatic stories no one wants to remember when they enjoy a good show or are entertained. Most people still think they burned witches in Salem. That didn't happen in Salem, but in Scotland and England, only burned the bodies so they couldn't be buried. Instead of talking about hundreds, we're talking about thousands enduring the terror of being accused and punished for something they didn't do.

The other thing we don't talk about is how the people had the power to stop all of it if they joined forces. Taking a stand when those who did speak out were accused of witchcraft prevented others from trying. They never got over that, either.

Because I love to help

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
August 27, 2024

I have been hearing people say hateful things most of my life. However, I have never witnessed so many people spreading hatred as if it were something to be proud of. How does it make them feel about filling themselves up with it?  Do they notice it doesn't make their lives better? I don't need to wonder about those doing things out of love. I know it fills them with the knowledge they helped someone.

Over the years, people asked me why I do what I do to help people with #PTSD. The answer was simple. Because I can remember what it was like to feel lost and alone. I'll never forget the hope I was given when people started to help and guide me. I realize that was back before a lot of readers were born. After all, it was the late 80s, and practically no one had the internet. (Not that it would have helped since we didn't have computers either.) 

My generation knew more about PTSD because we learned the old-fashioned way. We talked face to face. Sharing what it was like was hard at first. Society told us that PTSD was something to be ashamed of because we were too weak to get over it. We told each other we understood what surviving did because it did it to us. 

Some people I helped were fixated on hating others because they were hurt by others. When they reached the point where they trusted me, I'd ask them if hating did anything to change their lives. No one said it did. Then, I asked them how it felt to help someone. They said it made them happier. Most said it made them more peaceful inside or gave them hope. It's a spiritual thing anyone can do...and should do.

What I did, the hours I spent helping, filled me with more than any time spent hating did. Every second I spent remembering people who hurt me in the past drained me. I decided to remove the power they held over me and refused to allow them to continue to hurt me. 

I had to realize that they had long forgotten me, and it is doubtful they lost any sleep over the harm they did. I lost too much sleep tossing and turning about getting revenge. I had to decide to push my memory of them out of my mind so that the memories of those who helped me could fill me. After all, I had more people doing what they could for me than those who did what they could to destroy me.

Do you spend time hating people? Do you hate people you don't even know? Do you notice none of that hatred makes your life better? You realize you don't want it in your life once you open your eyes to what hatred is doing to you. Push it out so love can move in.

Y R U HERE

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
August 17, 2024

Have you ever wondered how someone healed long before you did? Was it because they had more support around them than you did? Sometimes, it isn't what or who is around them. Sometimes, it's because of what's within them they gain strength from.

Waiting for the traffic light to change, I noticed a license plate with YRU HERE. I smiled because it reminded me of all the times I wondered why I was here. Why are some of us born with brilliant minds, extraordinary talents, or passions that come with no explanation? Why are some born with kindness and humility while others seem hateful and egotistical?

Can it be because of the spirits within each of us that makes us so much different from others in our families? Are our spirits tested by circumstances or enhanced by what we survive?

Some people call spirits "souls," but Jesus clarified the term when He said, "God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." He said that to a Samaritan woman at the well when the people of Samaria were hated by the Jews. Top that off with Jesus knowing she was a sinner, especially when she had five husbands, but He spoke to her with kindness and patience.

There is not much of that going on today when we hear "church" people in crowds cheering statements filled with anger, rage, and lies. I am referring not simply to political rallies but to church services. If you notice, the speakers and attendees have something in common. They do not refer to the New Testament but preach and speak according to the Old Testament. It's disturbing how they dare call themselves Christians but have absolutely nothing in common with what Jesus preached.

After a lifetime of faithful church attendance, I walked away. Not from my faith but the people not practicing what they claimed to be.

I've been through hell more times than I can count, but if strangers see me, they'd never guess I had any problems at all. I am not pretending to be happy. I am.

No matter what the universe tosses at me, I honor my feelings. I get angry, swear, sad, and cry, and I even get to the point where I run out of tears. I allow myself to feel hopeless until I am hopeful. There have been times when I am on the phone with someone I trust, crying during the beginning of our conversation and laughing toward the end. My emotional pain was released enough, so joy had room to move back in. I toss the crap out into the universe so it would evaporate.

I don't know why my spirit was sent to this earth, but it is connected to my passion. It is to help other people become happier after they become survivors of what happened to them. I know what it is like to feel alone, unable to open up about what was going on in my mind. I know what it was like waiting to get over it and return to the way I was before. I drank to numb the pain after spending the day being "busy" doing something to take my mind off what happened to me. After nearly an entire lifetime of agony, I tried it all.

Talking to someone who earned my trust so I could open up worked for me. It helped me consider their advice on what I could do for myself. My therapists knew why they were here—to help people like me heal as survivors. Psychologist friends I made while working also helped me when I was confused. They knew why they were here, too.

Dealing with trauma requires receiving whatever help we need. Sometimes, we need a therapist, but have you ever wondered why they choose it as a profession? My curiosity constantly overcomes my mouth, and I have to ask. Too often, the answer came back, appearing to be something they were told to say. The shocking answer came from the best therapist I had. She told me it was because she was as messed up as most of her patients until a therapist helped her heal. She wanted to do the same thing for others since she was a kid and needed one. Now, that was genuine honesty!

As vital as good therapists are, spiritual therapists are just as important. If you've ever wondered if God did it to you or saved you, you understand what surviving does to us while we are reluctant to ask the question aloud. It is something we need to discover which one is more plausible. Should we believe God caused the traumatic event or multiple events, then seeking spiritual help could cause us to become nauseous. Let me clarify that. God didn't do it to us as some kind of test. Many of us have heard someone say, "God only gives us what we can handle," and we believe it. The truth is, I think He is there to give me what I need to handle what happened to me.

As crazy as it may sound, writing to help others helps me heal and feeds my spirit. That may not be why my spirit came to this earth, but it is why I am here now.

So why are you here? Not since the beginning of your life, but as someone whose life was saved, you became a survivor, too?

Kathie Costos, author of the Ministers Of The Mystery Series The Scribe Of Salem, The Visionary Of Salem, and 13th Minister Of Salem

All freedoms of choice are being eroded

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
August 5, 2024

All freedoms of choice are being eroded, but we fail to see it coming. Some believe the threat is just about what we choose to do with our own bodies. It is about everything they consider a sin. Why? Because they believe humans are made in the image of God...
 

They are free to believe whatever they want but continue to fail to understand that the same freedom belongs to everyone else in this country. They fail to see that when the rights of others are threatened, there is no limit to other rights being threatened as well. 

It seems since they believe pregnancy is a gift from God, they also believe it was God who chose to create life within the female. It doesn't make sense to most of us since He sent Gabriel to offer the choice to Mary that He would force other females to become vessels. Just think about the females becoming pregnant because of rape. Pregnancy is the outcome of force in cases like that, and most of us believe that it is reprehensible for any female to be forced to give birth afterward. If they think all pregnancies are a gift from God, then do they also believe that the rapists are the instrument of that "gift" from God? Why would God force others to "receive" it when He gave Mary the choice to become pregnant or not?

If they made the choice to open their eyes, they would see that pregnancy is biological. Why would God make a female pregnant by acts of love to a couple wanting children and then cause her to miscarry? That happened to me when I was carrying twins; we wanted them to be born. When I was four and a half months pregnant, I started to bleed. One of the twins died, and I was hemorrhaging as I was wheeled into a room at the hospital. It left a blood trail. The other twin would not come out. To save my life, they had to abort the other one. That happened in the 80s, but if that happened now, in some states, they would have let me bleed to death. To them, they wouldn't care about my life but call themselves pro-life. 

It would be great if they could explain how a "gift" from God would include babies born with deformities so severe it causes them to die moments after they were born. Explain how they believe a baby born with missing limbs, blindness, or illnesses was God's decision to create. Maybe they could also explain how they think the inability of a couple to become pregnant no matter how much they want to become parents.

Today, they believe their beliefs are being threatened when the truth is that they threaten the choice of all others who choose to believe differently. They hide behind the title of Christian as they attempt to force what they believe on all others. I attended a church I was very active in for 45 years until I chose to be more of a spiritual person instead of a religious one. I believe in God and Jesus so much that I choose to do it their way without the man-made rules separating what "They" established. We are all free to do what is right for us of our own free will. That right is also being threatened.

What we fail to see is that when they attempt to remove the ability of others to make their own choices of what they believe is right for them, it jeopardizes all other rights.

Think about the belief the human body is in the "image" of God and how that would involve their desire to control what others do with their own bodies on all matters. We must look no further than the Old Testament when God's punishment for sins was every physical condition. The people would not do anything to help cure the illness because they thought it was sent by God. Babies with disabilities were born because the parents were sinners, and the baby had to pay for those sins. We know that it is caused by genetic conditions or biology gone amuck. Jesus straightened that out when he told his disciples that no one sinned when asked because that was what they believed.

Christians should know that God is spirit, which means it is the spirit sent when God breathes life into humans. In other words, that means the image of God is what is within us and not our mortal bodies. They would know that our spirits hold free will to make our own choices because God, being a loving God, did not want to force anyone to do anything, including forcing them to worship Him.

The Founding Fathers of this country created the protection of our religious freedom because of the Salem Witch Trials. Why? Because people decided that their beliefs provided them with the right to make false accusations and murder 20 innocent people as well as incarcerate 200 more facing their own deaths. 

That right is also being threatened as people hide their intentions to take away our freedom by accusing others of doing it to them. 

In the 4th book of The Ministers Of The Mystery series I am writing now, one of the main characters faces a tribunal because she preaches that all people have free will because of God's love. If what they choose is really a sin, they can be forgiven. Otherwise, it is never up to someone else to force them to do what God would not. 

So, who among the people in this country are not just sinners in God's eyes but going against the basis for the rights all of us are supposed to have by His will and protected by the Founders?