Live for love and heal

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 24, 2021
(from my other site) 

Today the featured video is one I did back in 2012. Alive Day with Donna Summer, I Will Live For Love. I created it when I was working with veterans and their families. It was a few years after I started posting on Wounded Times about the rise in suicides within the military and among veterans. Back then it was thought that there were 18 veterans committing suicide everyday and it was my effort to get them, along with the members of the military to think about PTSD in a different way.

All humans need to think about PTSD and mental health in a different way. Why you didn't see Post Bulletin footage of a suicide attempt? was the headline from The Post Bulletin by Jeff Pieters (May 21, 2021) about a repoter capturing the moment when a suicide was prevented by Police Officers. The reason they made the choice to not release the footage is something that all of us should pay attention to...and oh, by the way, I totally approve!

News reporting that informs you sometimes can hurt vulnerable people. Here's how one coverage decision was made.

As humans in society, we have an interest in our fellow people, the different ways they live their lives, the things that they achieve, and the fates that sometimes befall them. We expect, in our free society, to be informed. And yes, there will be hard and unpleasant stories in the Post Bulletin from time to time.

But when there is a cost to the subject, we have to weigh that against the public's desire to know. Does someone who has a drug addiction deserve to be spotlighted for his or her fairly minor misdeeds? Should the sight of somebody having their worst day — a mental health breakdown on a highway bridge in Rochester — be put on display to thousands of pairs of eyes?

And, as Gayle reminded me, sometimes it's more than the individual who bears the cost of the stigma and shame. "There's so little awareness of the impact on families," she said. "The hidden, invisible and innocent victims."

In the end, after much thought and discussion, we made the choice. We would not publish or post our images of what happened on that bridge.

It is never just the one with PTSD or any other mental health condition, but their families as well. I know what it is like to be "family" as well as what it is like to be the "one" dealing with depression so sever I was praying that God would let me die. It was after my daughter was born and I had walked around with an infection for months before it took over my body. I was in the hospital and so sad about things that I just didn't want to do any of it anymore. (Long story but you can read it in For The Love Of Jack) My husband came into the room when I woke up. He had our daughter in his arms. I looked at her and I knew I couldn't leave her. I decided to live for love.

Part of the reason why I stopped working exclusively with veterans and families was the fact that somehow the desire to expose the fact suicides were going up among veterans and members of the military, so that someone would do something to prevent them, was replaced by people making a lot of noise and money off the fact they were doing it. Prevention efforts were drowned out by the ever crowded growing numbers of people wanting fame and fortune instead of saving lives. Suicide prevention was replaced by suicide awareness. As more and more people were committing suicide, the focus and funding was all about veterans. I thought it was time that all us humans were worthy of living.

Maybe that is why most people decide to fight to take back our lives from whatever we're fighting. The people will love are worth fighting for. That is why I Will Live For Love is the featured video today.

Let it be your alive day and live for those you love by healing and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
 

Dream-a-Lot’s Theme (I Will Live for Love)

Donna Summer

There's got to be a way that I can dream

Simply close my eyes and see

The worlds I've never known

What places that my soul has been

Sometimes I need to run away and hide

And soar above the clouds and ride

I sail along so high

Till nothing's in my sky

Except the stars that fill my eyes

And I will live for love

Where ever it may lead

It's written from the start

I know it's face by heart

I will live for love

I'm searching for the one who holds the key

To all this crazy life I lead

Through galaxies in time

A solitary star that joins

Sometimes I need to close my eyes and breathe

Inhale what life's been given me

A passion to ignite

A flaming heart a' flight

I close my eyes

I breathe

I'm free

And I will live for love

Where ever it may lead

It's written from the start

I know it's face by heart

I will live for love

The poet must have known

A lover of his own

"Cause that is when he wrote

Everything I felt for love

And I will fight for love in life and life in love

And I will hold to things above

I'm strong enough to slay the dragon dead and there

I will live for love

I'm taller than the sky

This dream will never die

So only know that I

I will live for love

The poet must have known

A lover of his own

That is when he wrote everything I felt for love

I will ever fight

I will live for life

I will live for love

Genius Lyrics 

Disturbed understands what that pain is like

Heads up on this. If you watch the video from Disturbed, and someone pops into your mind, then send them the link to it. I means they are the one who needed to see this.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 13, 2021

I used the song by Disturbed, A Reason To Fight, not too long ago. I saw this video when I was putting up today's video for PTSD Patrol. It is too powerful and when I watched it, I knew it couldn't wait for another day. Someone needs to see it today and I hope it helps! For everyone else, just consider this a bonus video for the day.

Disturbed understands what that pain is like.

A Reason to Fight

Disturbed

The image in your eyes

Reflecting the pain that has taken you

I hear it in your voice, so ridden with shame

From what's hailing you

I won't give up so don't give in

You've fallen down but you can rise again

So don't give up

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

Lost in your world of lies

I find it so hard to believe in you

Can it be real this time?

Or just a part of this game that we're playing through

I won't give up so don't give in

You've fallen down but you will rise again

I won't give up

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

Don't let it take your soul

Look at me take control

When knowing to fight this war

This is nothing worth dying for

Are you ready to begin?

This is a battle that we are gonna win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason

When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin

And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win

When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin

When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight

I'll be your reason to fight

Give you a reason to fight

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Dan J Donegan / David Michael Draiman / Kevin Gregory Churko / Michael Wengren

A Reason to Fight lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack

Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack book that was stolen from me back in 2005~

Top that off with what they have written under the top section that has nothing to do with this book! I own the copyright on this!

This is the book that the publisher stole, would not pay me for and would not remove. They would not take any responsibility for any of this and all these years later, I am still seeing it show up all over the net!

Do not buy this book or read it if it has this blue cover.  This is the legal one I had to republish on Amazon!

UPDATE from PTSD Patrol
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021

Cross posted on Wounded Times

No matter how many times people walked away from you, one day someone will help you. One day someone will show you the way and stand by your side until you get to where you need to be. Then you will become that "someone" for someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in. Fight like hell because you are worth it!

If you were not, then I wouldn't have been doing this work for almost 40 years with all the crap I have to go through to do the right thing. No matter what I faced, you were worth it!

Today there almost wasn't a video. I didn't have it in me to do one. I was actually online looking for something for myself. I discovered my work stolen again. It happens to me all the time and I am powerless to stop them from doing it. Sometimes they will put my name on it, other times they won't but for some reason they think they can just take it without my knowledge or permission.

I found the video that put into words exactly what I was feeling and it helped. It is from Five Finger Death Punch, Darkness Settles In. When I heard these lines, I cried. The thing is, it just got uploaded 15 hours ago!

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

The people I know who would help me, cannot help me on this. The ones who can help, I reach out to but they are not interested in helping me at all. The thing is, I am on the right side of this, doing the work for the right reasons and nothing is going to stop me. Screw the bastards. I know one day will come and they will be seen for who and what they truly are. I may not be alive to see it but I know I have the power over what I do and no one can take that way.

If you have PTSD then you know what it is like to tell death "screw you" and you lived because your life was worth it to you. You had no control over what happened but have the power to change what comes now. I'll be damned if I let the darkness settle in on my life. Don't let it settle in on your life either.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Darkness Settles In

Five Finger Death Punch 

Another sun sets down behind me

Another day comes crashing in

There's a whispering wind that's blowing

There's a storm that's closing in

I can hear the trains, they're rolling

To a place I've never been

And I can feel her breath beside me

With an empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

I can hear her voice again

I can hear your voice again

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

All the ghosts that live inside me

Always waiting in the wind

I can see through my reflection

What I've become and what I've been

You see, your Heaven doesn't want me

And your Hell won't let me in

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

You can take it away, tear it all down

Spit in my face, pushed to the ground

Look what I've become

I've fallen from grace, bloodied and bound

Taking up space, lost and I'm found

Look what I've become

I can hear the snakes, they're winding

Singing songs of pain and sin

There's an anger overflowing

From this empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

And the darkness settles in

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

As the darkness settles in

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Zoltan Bathory / Kevin Churko / Jason Hook

Darkness Settles In lyrics © Gumpofwump 

When you do something for the right reasons

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021

Well this just goes to prove the title I earned a long time ago! "The most famous person you never heard of." Yet again, someone just decided to use my work without permission. This time it was the University of Phoenix. And people wonder why I lost money every year doing the work I dedicated my life to back in 1982?

University of Phoenix

When you do something for the right reasons...someone will always decide they should just take it for the wrong reasons!

Legacy of healing PTSD from my Dad

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2021

When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.

About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.

My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.

We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.

When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.

I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.

My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.

This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.

If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.

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