When Heartache Turns To Action

Turning Heartache Into Action
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 23, 2017

More and more families are coming out and talking about the heartbreaking loss of losing someone who survived combat to suicide. 

There was a time in our history when it was happening but spoken about only to those closest to the family. To everyone else, they simply died suddenly.

It happened in our family. When my husband's nephew, also a Vietnam veteran, gave up on his next day being any better, he chose to end his story on earth.

One of the hardest topics for me to post about is the loss because of grieving that does not end. For me, it was a lot of guilt, and still is, because I was supposed to know everything I needed to know to help him heal. What I never figured out, was how to get him to listen.

The reason I do what I do is simple. It is all too personal. Living with PTSD is hard. I know what it does to the veteran, and I know what it does to the family. Living after someone has taken their own life instead of using their extra time after combat to fight to heal, is also personal.

While I do grieve, I also see the flip side of suicide. It breaks my heart that far too many never see the possibilities their lives still hold within them, trapped beneath the pain.

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and he is living a better life than even we imagined. Sure it is a struggle. As with most veterans, it is a battle of not just survival, but a battle to take their lives back.

So, that is my heartache and why I do this.

Today, I want to try to focus on what I am grateful for. One of the things I appreciate most is when families turn their own, personal heartache into action for the sake of others.

It isn't easy taking that personal pain and making it public, but it is harder for most to simply do nothing.

Joshua Omvig's parents decided to take their heartache to Congress. Clay Hunt's family went to Congress. They turned heartache into action, hoping Congress would not just listen, but figure out what to do. 

They should have changed what didn't work and do whatever it took to make sure they figured out what would work. The problem is, as more and more stepped forward, Congress sat back on what was easy for them to do. Both of those veterans have suicide prevention bills in their names.

Here are some stories of others turning heartache into action.

The heartache

Texas: Grieving Army mom raises awareness about PTSD after loss of son AUSTIN - A Central Texas woman grieves the loss of her soldier son who died earlier this year after a struggle with PTSD. 

Sergeant Preston Hartley joined the Army after 9/11 in a show of patriotism, but after returning from his second tour in Iraq in 2010, his mom, Lynn, said he came back changed. He was with the 1st Cavalry Division out of Fort Hood.

"He did not feel like he knew where home was anymore, he was lost as to what he was supposed to do now," Lynn said.

He felt lost, experienced increasing anxiety, and he did perimeter checks at night around the house. Preston told his family he left a piece of himself back in the Middle East.

And the action

Lynn now has a memorial fund set up in his memory that helps veterans with PTSD work with therapy dogs. Lynn said it can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $15,000 to train and house service dogs.

The heartache

WICHITA, Kan. A Kansas veteran commits suicide five days after the birth of his little girl, and the men he served with are ready to take action.The people who knew Norman Worden call him a hero, a loving father and husband. He was a man who would die for the brothers he served with in Iraq. But on the inside, Norman was fighting a battle few can understand. 

“He felt he was unworthy and didn't deserve a lot of things. I would say he was a hero and he would tell me I’m far from that. I'm not a hero,” says his wife Jordahn.It was a feeling that despite his many attempts to get help, would lead Norman to take his life inside his Larned home. He leaves behind his wife, three boys and a newborn daughter. “Right before his suicide, it was surprising to me. I thought he was doing well and was excited about our daughter, like there were no signs of anything,” says Jordahn fighting back tears. 

The men he served with in the 714th on two tours in Iraq are asking how many more like Norman have to die before something else is done.

The action

They call it “Operation Sunrise” and say it’s way to bring veterans together to lean on each other for more support.They not only want to create more reunions for veterans but also provide support to get them there. Their goal is eventually to create a non-profit to help.“Seeing his brothers was important. 

Those reunions helped him. I think that's why it's important for us to get together and look forward to getting together,” says Jarvis. 

The heartache
Nevada

Scars run deep for war vets returning home

Ryan Terrana went to war at 19-years-old. First in Iraq in 2007. Then in Afghanistan in 2008. He was part of the 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines, a light infantry unit on the front lines facing combat.

The action

"You don't want to lose a single person in combat, but it comes to be expected. You're going to war. You don't ever expect to lose more back home." 

Terrana admits he has self-medicated with alcohol, but says he'll continue to receive help for his PTSD through the VA and he relies on loved ones for support. 

"They know when it's serious and they drop everything."  

Recently, he and the remaining fellow marines from his unit came together for a reunion. They stay connected through Facebook, sometimes sharing news about losses, but now more aware when a guy may need help and when it's time to reach out. 

"We just have this terrible cycle that I hope stops," Terrana said. "It has slowed down." 

And then there are the countless stories of others, all around the country, sharing their heartache but doing so much more to help others prevent their own tragedy. 

"They get away with it because it’s a hero charity"

Giving Season Needs Wise Giving
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 22, 2017

“They get away with it because it’s a hero charity. It’s an emotional give.” Daniel Borochoff

Tomorrow we'll all gather around a table and share a meal while giving thanks for all we have. At least most of us will. Some will be alone with nothing more than memories of spending time with people they cared about.

For veterans, this can be a very lonely time, especially if they are no longer in contact with those they risked their lives with. It is also a very cold time it they happen to be homeless.

Family and friends no longer around, veterans tug at our hearts and pull at our wallets because, frankly, had it not been for them being willing to sacrifice their lives, we wouldn't have nearly as much to be grateful for.

I tried to see how much is donated to those service organizations, but so far, no luck. I did discover a few very interesting articles on the topic.

Back in 2013, there was a report in the New York Post about a charity stealing from donors. Within the article, there was this message all of us need to consider.

Daniel Borochoff, president of Charity Watch (formerly the American Institute of Philanthropy) has testified before Congress and written extensively about abusive veterans’ charities. 

“They get away with it because it’s a hero charity. It’s an emotional give,” Borochoff told me by phone the other day. “People make snap decisions. They don’t do their homework.” 

Borochoff said that many veterans charities don’t spend their funds directly on vets.

If you look up a tax exempt like mine, it comes with with 100% for administrative but notice the minus and see that I don't even get enough in donations to break even, so as embarrassing as that is, it is actually worse because there is a lot more I do not claim. Hey, only so much that my ego can take.

Anyway, considering I do this work about 45 hours a week, plus work for my paycheck 32 hours a week, you can understand why I get so angry with all the people running around the country claiming they deserve your money just because they say so. Make them prove it!

I suck at raising money. They are great at it. I'd rather be great at what I do because of the results I see all the time when the work is done the way I read it in a book that we should, "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give." Matthew 10:8

It doesn't cost me much to do my "job" so I don't mind losing a couple of thousand a year. I am grateful I have a job that pays my bills.

Maybe that is the thing others should take into consideration. If folks make it their "job" to support themselves talking about how many veterans they think are committing suicide, their income will end when veterans stop ending their own lives. Right? Think about it.

Time to start doing some educated giving if we are ever going to really help veterans.

Find out which veterans they help as much as you research to see what they actually do with the money. For instance, do they claim to be helping all generations, especially it they are talking about suicides, or just the OEF and OIF veterans. Aside from having their numbers wrong, 65% of the veterans committing suicide are over the age of 50. So make them account for the number of veterans they are claiming matter to them. Then get them to explain why they won't help the majority of the veterans needing help the most and waiting the longest for it.

Here are a few more articles on the subject.

U.S. Veterans Organizations by the Numbers

Guide Star November 2015

Where Are They? You’ll find veterans organizations in every state of the union. California, New York, Texas, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, and Illinois have the most (more than 2,000 per state). Rhode Island, Alaska, Delaware, and Hawaii each have fewer than 200 veterans nonprofits located in them. More than 1,000 veterans organizations are in the Washington, DC, metropolitan statistical area (MSA). The Chicago MSA comes in second with more than 745, and the Philadelphia MSA comes in third with 583. read more here

A Donor's Guide to Serving the Needs of Veterans and the Military

Charity Watch

Published 01/26/2015

Over 3.8 million war veterans were receiving disability compensation from the U.S. Veterans Affairs Department (VA) as of March 2014, according to the National Center for Veterans Analysis and Statistics (NCVAS). This is out of over 21.6 million U.S. veterans in 2014, based on NCVAS projections. 

Even though the government, tens of thousands of nonprofit organizations, and millions of caring Americans try to provide support for veterans and military families, many are not receiving the help they need. Much of the blame for this lies with the U.S. government, which provides the lion’s share of services to past and present military personnel and their families. 

A smaller share of the blame lies with the growing number of poorly run and inefficient charities claiming to serve veterans and the military. The inefficiencies of the VA and the existence of so many wasteful nonprofits make it all that much more critical for donors to choose wisely when contributing to a veterans and military charity. 

Donors who want to make contributions towards charitable programs that serve the military and veterans face an almost overwhelming volume of choices with, by some accounts, the existence of over 40,000 nonprofit organizations dedicated to serving the military and veterans and an estimated 400,000 service organizations that in some way touch veterans or service members. 

Even the 2013/2014 Directory of Veterans and Military Service Organizations published by the U.S. Office of the Secretary of Veterans Affairs as an informational service for veterans seeking support lists over 140 national nonprofit organizations. Additionally, the number of new veterans charities has increased relatively rapidly over the past five years or so, growing by 41% since 2008 compared with 19% for charities in general, according to The Urban Institute as reported in a December 2013 The NonProfit Times article. 

With so many veterans and military organizations competing for charitable dollars, it may take a little extra effort on the part of donors to be well-informed, but that effort is essential given the great need for donations to be used as efficiently and effectively as possible.

Read more here

Homeless Man Helped Stranger with $20, She Returns $20,000

This story keeps getting better!!!

Homeless veteran who received over $360K now wants to pay it forward, 'I just want to do the right thing'

UPDATE

Woman Raises over $254,000 for Homeless Veteran Who Helped Her

Posted on November 23, 2017

UPDATE

Woman raising funds to help homeless Marine Veteran

Johnny, who's 34, told McClure and D'Amico he has been homeless for about a year. He said he was previously a certified paramedic, and also served in the Marine Corps.

Woman raises money for homeless veteran who spent his last $20 to help her

Associated Press

November 22, 2017

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A New Jersey woman who was helped by a homeless man when she ran out of gas in Philadelphia is raising money to help him.

Kate McClure was heading to Philadelphia to visit a friend last month when she ran out of gas on Interstate 95. The Florence Township woman pulled over and began to worry until a homeless man approached her.

The man, whose name was “Johnny,” told her it wasn’t safe and he bought McClure gas with his last $20.

McClure promised she would return to pay him. McClure and her boyfriend, Mark D’Amico, have since raised over $20,000 for the former ammunition technician.

The pair hope to get “Johnny” an apartment and help with transportation.

read more here

Help With PTSD in Battlefield Called Home

Why Choose To Fight PTSD Alone Now?
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 21, 2017

Combat PTSD Wounded Times is a title I chose very carefully. It means to "fight to heal" because that message seems to be left out of far too many conversations.

If you Google "Veteran Suicide" on the "news" tab, you find 661,000 results. 

If you use the "all" tab, it is a staggering 21,700,000. Most of the results on the first page are links to hope and help. On the other tab with "news" most are about "22 a day" and this group doing this or that, as if they are more newsworthy than the hopeful links. (Sure would be wonderful if someone could explain that one!)

On the flip side, Google "healing PTSD" and you get 38,000 under "news" and with "all" you get 15,600,000. 

If we're ever going to change the outcome from suicide to healing, that would be a great place to start! Flip it around to more about healing and less about giving up.

We've already covered all the real news out there the "awareness" raisers didn't bother to learn but this one is the biggest leftover that could put them out of business.

You may think that there is no point in adding one more day to your life. After all, if all you know is the misery you've been living with, there would not be much of a reason to get up again. Yet, if you know that your life can not just be saved, but changed for the better, then you'd have a better option for today.

As you can tell, there are a lot of people out there doing whatever they can to change the lives they want to save. After all, you are worth every effort. Considering you already survived "IT" the worst of your life's movie was already written. 

Change your thinking of what PTSD is. It actually means you survived and were wounded. Bet you didn't know that one. Post means "after" and Trauma is Greek for "wound." Now you get the other part of your life's story.

Healing is the middle part when the "stress" is worked on and you manage a more balanced life with your body reacting in a calmer way.

As for the "disorder" you shouldn't be offended by that at all. Lets put it this way. I am not the best housekeeper in the world, (not that I have time anyway) and it gets messy in here. Stuff is all over the place and my desk usually looks like a monster that escaped the shredder. Yet, that disorder is only there until I shut down the computer and get busy putting it into a better order than it was.

Bet they didn't tell you that part either! All the stuff I need is still there but I have to get the junk I don't need out of the way before I can find it all.

Same thing with PTSD. Sure it takes a while and patience, especially if you're doing it alone, but it happens a lot faster and comes out better when someone helps you do the work.

You are actually stronger than you think. As a matter of fact, stronger than PTSD is because what is good within you got you wounded in the first place, and in the second place, has been fighting against PTSD taking "who you are" away. It is also the place within you that it hit like an IED or a claymore. 

Still think there is anything weak within you? Then you're not thinking about what you need to know about yourself.

Think of everything you did to get to where you were when "IT" hit. Bet you didn't think of all the training and willingness to sacrifice for other people as coming from an abundance of compassion only equaled to your courage to do it. And that my dear buddy, is exactly what you needed to know at this moment.

Start giving yourself an early Christmas gift by searching for hope and help, since you already know what that is all about. Bet you forgot that is exactly what you did in the military! You searched for a way to do what you had to do, search again. You searched for hope when you were surrounded for more help than you had, search again.

In combat, it wasn't just about your life, but the lives of those around you. At home, it still isn't just about your life. It is about those around you in your family and even beyond that, with all the other veterans searching for help to heal, just like you.

You can find it, but as with anything else in life, you'll find only what you are searching for.

Know that this site isn't going anywhere, no matter what. Top that off with a fabulous group who took what I've been saying to a whole new level with a documentary about healing! 

Battlefield Home: Breaking The Silence

Every warrior, who ever went to battle, is still there. 
Every family that warrior came home to, joined that battle. 

They know that the person who left them to defend our freedoms never returned.

The military family knows this. They maintain the silent dignity of the service. 

It’s part of the unspoken Code for the families of those who serve. 

But for those in the civilian world, that silence goes unnoticed.

BATTLEFIELD: HOME – BREAKING THE SILENCE is an attempt to bridge the gap between those two worlds. It is about the problems they face, the obstacles they endure, and it is also about the hope of the human spirit to return to being whole again.

As the daughter of a combat Marine, the director has the unique perspective to tell that story, and shine a light on the social divide between the families of those who serve and those they protect.

So how about it? Are you ready to work as hard on healing as you did to train for combat? The GAME ON~"IT" lost to you already and this rematch is in your control!!!!!

Start with flipping the results and support the work being done to make it easier for you to fight in this battlefield called home!

Breaking the Silence of PTSD When Battlefield is at Home

Battlefield: Home - Breaking The Silence (Official Trailer)
Gizzy Bear Productions

"Battlefield: Home Breaking the Silence," takes an unflinching look at the aftermath of war and the systems that are failing our veterans and their families. It’s also a validation that healing can occur when “resources” have human eyes and hearts and traumatized people get to tell their stories. Finally, it’s a labor of love and letter of forgiveness to her dad, by filmmaker and adult “child of war” Anita Sugimura.
Brigid Brett, Co-Founder
- Wives of War- San Diego

Battlefield: Home - Breaking The Silence (Official Trailer) from Gizzy Bear Productions on Vimeo.