The silent scream of PTSD

The silent scream of PTSD
by Kathie Costos
Wounded Times Blog
May 29, 2013

Wounded Times Blog
Let them know you need to be rescued this time.
You'd do it for them.

There is a great commercial to raise awareness on how to spot a stroke. It is called F.A.S.T. Face drooping, arm weakness, speech difficulty and time to call 911. In the commercial a friend approaches someone having a stroke. With every question, you hear a voice "I'm having a stroke." The friend can't hear those words. They come from inside the head of the one suffering. Words just don't come out.

Some needs to do a commercial like that for PTSD since most of the time the words just don't come out. I need help. My head won't rest. I can't stop seeing stuff. I can't calm down. My heart feels like it is going to explode. There are so many things they suffer from but their words just don't come out.

It is not that they are unable to speak. They are unable to communicate what they are feeling.

For some at first they believe they will eventually get over it. They think about other times they survived something horrific and they'll just be able to do it again. As time goes by, some manage to stuff it into the back of their heads, get busy with other things and avoid doing anything about it.

The nightmares come. Then they come more often. Soon it is a matter of finding anything to help them sleep. Sometimes that "something" is getting drunk enough to pass out and they pass that off as falling asleep. Even then the nightmares come.

Sometimes the flashbacks get stronger to the point where they are not sure where they are when the past comes back. They are feeling it all over again. Their bodies react the same way as if the bombs are blowing up, fire is burning and bullets are flying. They feel all of it. They smell the same scents.

When nightmares and flashbacks come, if you have no clue what they are going through it is like the stroke commercial. You know something is wrong but they just can't communicate with you.

They are able to speak but they can't find the words that will get you to understand them. If they pick the wrong words, how can they be sure you won't be afraid of them? If they push you away so you won't be able to figure it out, how can you know they are in pain instead of just being a jerk? If they tell you what is happening inside, how can they be sure you won't run away from them?

In 2007 the military was pushing Battlemind. A brainwashing cluster dump masquerading as preventing PTSD. The theory was the troops could train their brains to become mentally tough. Well that put them at great risk. Telling them that was like telling them if they didn't train right, they were mentally weak. Suicides went up. This program was replaced with "resilience training" equally harmful leaving them with the impression PTSD had more to do with being weak and not training right than being a human capable of strong emotional ties to what they saw and what they had to do.

The military needed to do something but ended up increasing suicides, attempted suicides and suffering instead of healing.

It fed the stigma, thus feeding reasons to remain in denial. Then came anger. Anger they couldn't get over it. Anger they couldn't forgive. They couldn't forgive themselves for not getting over it, forgive others or forgive themselves for what they had to do. No one was reminding them of the fact being able to feel after all that was not a sign of weakness but one of strength, not evil but one of goodness still remaining despite everything hell had to shove at them.

No one told them that pushing away the people in their lives would not protect their pride because they didn't want to admit they were suffering and their friends had no clue what they were seeing. Having no knowledge, friends assumed the veteran simply turned into a jerk, a drunk, a drug user instead of a friend in need of help.

If you want to know what is going on, that is a start but you also have to accept the fact that as we talk about the men and women in the military, these men and women follow generation of veterans living with PTSD and still waiting for someone to know the signs of PTSD as much as they need to know the signs of a stroke to save their lives.

New Movie Terrible Love Turns into Healing Hearts with PTSD

There are so many times I want to scream about some of the wonderful people I have met along the way but most of the time, I have to keep their secrets. In this case, it was a secret about working as a consultant on a wonderful movie that is very close to my heart.

For over a year I have been working with the screenwriter and director of Terrible Love, a movie about what it is like for a family when veterans come home from combat changed by where they were sent. Someone once said that there is no turning back into a civilian after combat and that has turned out to be very true. What few talk about is, there is no turning back for the families. We can't just flip a switch and suddenly be transported out of our world and into theirs. We try to figure it out as we go along but as hard as it is on us, it is harder watching them suffer, wanting to help them but not really knowing how.

I was a young wife but my husband had been home for over ten years from Vietnam. I don't know what it is like to live as these young families do, worrying about them while they are gone and then facing the changes they bring home inside of them. What I do know is, none of this is impossible as long as you believe in the love you had and know that what is not normal to the rest of the country, veterans are only about 7% of the population so even without PTSD, we are not normal to them at all.

When Chris came to me with this idea, I could hear the passion in his voice and I knew it would something wonderful. I know all the hard work and long hours he and his wonderful cast put in on this because the subject matters to all of them.

When you watch the trailer at the bottom know that this came out of love so others may remember what love really is even when it can feel terrible at times.

Terrible Love Turns into Healing Hearts with PTSD
Christopher Thomas
May 28, 2013


Terrible Love Trailer from Helmsman Studios on Vimeo.
I did not grow up in a military family, and honestly knew very few Veterans growing up.

In college, one of my female friends married an Army Reservist, and I found myself with a new perspective on military family life. They were a true wonder-couple. Perfect for each other, everyone seemed to envy their stability and their chemistry.

During her husband's first deployment, I watched her struggle to carry on with daily life. All the phases of grief and longing. My heart ached knowing how difficult it was for them, and how intensely they wanted to be together. I was full of sorrow just thinking about it, and occasionally lost sleep. I can't imagine what she had to go through. I had the luxury of turning my sympathy on and off, while she had to deal with the ache every day.

One Sunday, I happened to see the couple reunited at church. This caught me off guard. It must have been his second or third day back. They were sitting together, perhaps a little too close for a church service, but I was completely overwhelmed with joy. I was more happy for them than I had ever been happy for myself. They were beaming like newlyweds. I couldn't make eye contact with them because I was already crying.

After that church service, this veteran family fell off the radar. I didn't hear much from them for a month or so, and I thought I should respect their privacy as they reconnect. However, less than 90 days after his return, I found out from a friend that this couple was now living in separate houses. There were rumors of traumatic brain injury, there were rumors of abuse. I could not ask what kind. My brain could not process it. This was a beautiful couple. I watched them while they were apart. They wanted to be together more than anything, and now that he was finally back, they couldn't even tolerate being in the same room.

What could possibly keep them from being together? What could possibly have stolen their love, their family, their stability, their future?

This was my introduction to PTSD. And I hate it.

I had to research this topic. I had to find some explanation for this disaster. After watching many documentaries, and reading a lot of stories on Wounded Times, I discovered that my friends' story was not an anomaly. There were countless families with the same story. I became aware of an entire world of divorce, suicide, bankruptcy, and broken hearts.

The question that I could not get out of my head was, "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

And that is how the film Terrible Love was born.

There is a house on my street. Outside of it is a car with three bumper stickers:

The wound you can't see

The goal of Terrible Love is to help the civilian population imagine what may be happening inside of that house. To give them an intimate look at the wreckage of PTSD. And if they ever get the chance to reach out to a veteran family (and with 1.2million having served in the Middle East, this is not far-fetched) hopefully the knowledge gained from Terrible Love will help end the awkwardness, ignorance, standoffishness, or patronization of those encounters.

I have never talked to this family on my street. I don't know what issues they may have, if any. But ultimately Terrible Love exists to let that family know: they are not alone in whatever they may be facing. There is hope.

Christopher Thomas
Helmsman Studios
Contact email helmsmanstudios@gmail.com
765-414-6551

Drummer Lee Rigby's murder prompted a rush of donations to Help for Heroes

'Help For Heroes' Site Crashes From Donations After Drummer Lee Rigby Murdered Wearing Charity T-Shirt
The Huffington Post
By Ron Dicker
Posted: 05/28/2013

The website of the Help for Heroes military charity in Britain crashed last week -- but for a worthy cause: Donations flooded the site after British soldier Drummer Lee Rigby was murdered wearing a "Help for Heroes" shirt.

A spokeswoman told The Huffington Post that site glitches were recently smoothed over after Wednesday's tech failure.

Rigby, a 25-year-old father who served in Afghanistan, was allegedly hacked to death by two men with extremist links before horrified onlookers Wednesday in the Woolwich section of London.
read more here
Soldier butchered in London was Afghanistan veteran

Freight train derails in Maryland; half-mile area evacuated

Freight train derails in Maryland; half-mile area evacuated
By CNN Staff
May 28, 2013

One person is thought to be trapped after a freight train derailment Tuesday near Baltimore, fire officials say.

(CNN) -- A freight train derailed Tuesday in Rosedale, Maryland, and one person is reported to be trapped, Baltimore County firefighter Jonathan Meehan said. A truck was involved in the incident, and a resulting hazardous-materials situation is prompting the evacuation of a half-mile area, according to a Baltimore County police official who declined to be named, citing department policy.
read more here

Army leaders less than honorable way to treat soldiers

Army sidesteps questions about discharged soldiers
The Gazette
By Dave Philipps
Published: May 24, 2013

The Army sidestepped questions on Friday about whether a marked increase in the number of soldiers discharged for breaking Army rules is connected to their invisible injuries and systemic problems in the service.

The Gazette investigative series "Other Than Honorable," published this week, used Army data to show how the number of soldiers getting discharged for misconduct has surged to its highest levels in recent times.

Those discharged include wounded soldiers, some of whom have served in multiple deployments during a decade of war, who are more likely to break Army rules and then be denied benefits.

The report suggested that a number of factors are at play in the discharges, including a mandatory troop reduction, an estimated 500,000 troops with post-traumatic stress disorder or traumatic brain injuries, an overwhelmed medical discharge process and decades-old Army policies that don't always accommodate or account for behavior resulting from injuries suffered by today's soldier.
read more here