In a very bad mood

I may not be posting much today. I'm in a very bad mood. First my daughter's car had to go into the shop and a few calls later from the mechanic also meant a few hundred dollars more coming out of a credit card that is going to be maxed out. My DVD drive is not working on my PC and that means I can't get out some DVD copies of the videos I've done. It also means another repair bill. So excuse me if I feel sorry for myself today. Heck, we all have these kinds of days.

I'm no different than anyone else and right now I have to say that I'm regretting doing what I do because if I had a full time job, our financial situation would be a lot better. I never asked for money from anyone until I decided to do the DVD so that I could cover the cost of making them. Donations didn't even meet what these have cost me already. It never seems to end.

I realize that on the grand scale of things I am virtually no one. I don't know how to advertise what I do because I've been too busy doing what I do. I don't know how people get hundreds of thousands of hits on their videos and I'm lucky just to have a few hits a day. I have no clue how people can be included in Google alerts that come in all the time but mine don't. There was a time when you did a Google on PTSD, my link would pop up in the first two pagers somewhere but now, it won't even show up in 20 pages of results. Maybe I'm just not doing it right or maybe I just don't matter enough. I have no idea.

Today it just doesn't seem worth it at all. I keep wondering what all these years have been all about and searching my heart, I know that it was because I wanted people to know they were not alone and to understand what all of this was all about. Now there are web sites and support groups all over the globe. Maybe there is no point in doing this anymore anyway.

It dawned on me that I'm really depressed over everything going on today when I was reading about other people's problems and suddenly I was thinking "I have my own problems" and I just closed the site, moved on and then went to play a game to chill out.

We all have our own problems. Money trouble, marriage/relationship problems, work problems, health problems. No one is on this earth without any problems at all but maybe that's the point. The people who have very few problems are the ones who never seem to feel connected to someone else's problems. They just go along with their lives as if no one else really matters. There are other people who just think about their own problems and feel as if they should be their only concern. Not a pleasant place to be since right now, I'm apparently there. Maybe I'm burnt out? Maybe I'm just too insignificant to matter?

We have a nation filled with people who feel the same way when no matter what they do, they just don't seem to matter enough. I used to feel sorry for them but now I'm also one of them. When you feel as if you just don't matter, then it's hard to find the value in your existence. It's hard to even try.

Stress is terrible. It really sucks when you have a mountain of stress sitting on your head and pushing the weight of the world crushing you down. You keep looking for a hand to pull you up or take some of the weight off your head, but when it doesn't come you begin to wonder why the hell it's happening to you. You wonder what you did wrong in your life that you feel cursed. When life isn't fair, it's damn near impossible to find hope.

Sure, every once in a while we can catch a glimmer of hope in our life but that soon fades away and reality begins to bite you on the ass all over again. Your stomach turns sour and nothing tastes the way it used to. Your head fills with pressure and you're sure it's going to just explode. Your skin feels achy, as if that's possible but you know the ache is more than in your bones. Deep inside you search for the "what's" of what is possible, what did you do wrong, what can you do to get out of the mess you're in, what you can do to get the right person's attention, what you are not saying when you pray to God who is supposed to know everything. The words of Christ come into your brain and you think about how He said, "knock and it shall be opened" "seek and ye shall find" "ask and ye shall receive" and you wonder what the heck He was talking about because you know you've been knocking, asking and looking for a very long time but none of that seems to happen. Is it because you are not listening or because someone else isn't hearing?

Take all of this and add in flashbacks and nightmares as real as this post on this blog. Real time and parts of a real life. Add in knowing that what's wrong with you could be made better if only the right person was listening and ready, willing and able to help you. Your financial trouble would not be so bad if you got what you thought you were owed. Veterans with PTSD and other wounds know full well they wouldn't need to have help if they were not wounded. It's not about a free ride but about the other end of the deal for their service. Medication and therapy can help with the nightmares and flashbacks. What would help more is knowing that you do matter and someone is listening and caring about what does happen to you. You are not worthless than you were before when you were serving and you were needed and necessary. You also finally find hope again. Hope of better days and not all bad ones. Hope that you can actually feel like you matter enough that someone cared enough to help you up. Worthlessness is replaced by gratefulness and you begin to think that there are reasons to get up out of bed. You begin to reach out your own hand to help someone else because you know what kind of pain they're in and it doesn't matter how many you touch as much as the fact you touched someone.

So who is listening to them? Their families are but they have no power. Blogger are listening but most are just as powerless as I am. Some reporters are listening but too many want to focus on the bill that wants to make sure suicidal veterans don't get their hands on guns or the police academy that let a twisted jerk come out with "cause PTSD" as part of a slogan, than they are interested in the latest non-combat death coming out of Iraq and Afghanistan since there were just two more the other day. Are you listening to them? Do you care? Can you stop paying so much attention to yourself and your own problems to do something about all of this? Call your Senator and your Representative today, call your local officials and get them to come up with what they need today, not just two of three years from now. If we don't there will be a lot more finding the bottom end of the pit and they may never be able to lift their heads out of it again. How low can we let them go before we open the doors, have what they are looking for and ready to give them what they ask for? How much is hope worth to you today?

Put yourself in their place and maybe, just maybe you will be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. If you are doing nothing then you are part of the problem because too many others are going through their lives the way I'm going through this one day out of thousands of them. We all have days like this as part of just living but imagine what you would be like if everyday was the same as your worse day.

Kathie Costos

Namguardianangel@aol.com

www.Namguardianangel.org

www.Namguardianangel.blogspot.com

www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com

"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington

Another non-combat death in Afghanistan

12/26/07 : DoD Identifies Air Force Casualty
Senior Airman Nicholas D. Eischen, 24, of Sanger, Calif., died Dec. 24 in Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 60th Medical Operations Squadron, Travis Air Force Base, Calif.

Another non-combat death in Iraq

Grosse Pointe Farms soldier killed in Iraq
12/26/2007, 5:07 p.m. EST
The Associated Press

GROSSE POINTE FARMS, Mich. (AP) — A 28-year-old soldier from suburban Detroit died Christmas day in Iraq, the military said.
Sgt. Peter C. Neesley, of Grosse Pointe Farms, died of an undetermined cause in a non-combat environment in Baghdad, the Defense Department said Wednesday in a release.
Neesley was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division at Fort Stewart, Ga.

http://www.mlive.com/newsflash/index.ssf?/base/news-49/1198707268136790.xml&storylist=newsmichigan
Reminder we cannot assume this was linked to PTSD or to suicide. We won't know until the "investigation" is reported or the family speaks.

Forgetting fear? Forget about it.

This is worth a read for the idea alone but not for PTSD.

Can Fear Be Forgotten?
If fear really is all in our heads, Joseph LeDoux thinks he can eliminate it. The first step is to block out our memories

By Michael Behar December 2007
When I was nine years old, my family moved into a newly constructed home in a pleasant Seattle suburb. Within a few days, I began to notice an unsettling number of spiders creeping along baseboards, dangling in closets, and loitering under furniture. I convinced myself that the assault could only be because our digs had inadvertently razed some kind of spider civilization, and these guys were out for revenge. I remember being unable to sleep, spooked by the sight of an eight-legged nasty clinging to the ceiling, waiting to pounce. I would insist that my father leave the stairwell light on so I could track its every move, certain that under the cover of darkness the little monster would sneak into my bed and burrow into my ear canal, where it would lay its sticky spider eggs and spawn a whole new arachnid dynasty. I stuffed wads of toilet paper into my ears as a first line of defense.

Fast-forward 30 years, and I find my repulsion firmly entrenched, seemingly for good. On a recent business trip, I glimpsed a spider behind the nightstand in my hotel room. I summoned the concierge, who duly chased the evil critter into the hall with a broom. "No problem," he smirked when I apologized for my wimpiness. "Happens all the time."

There's a proven treatment for phobias called exposure therapy, better known as "facing your fears." I merely have to immerse myself in a bathtub with hundreds of spiders, let the insects crawl freely over my naked body, and voilà! I'll be cured.

Luckily, New York University neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux, the world's preeminent fear guru, agrees that this tactic might not be the most efficient remedy. Imagine forcing an aviophobe onto a plane—a severe panic attack could trigger a midair rerouting to the nearest loony bin. But LeDoux may have uncovered a better way. After a two-decade-long pursuit into the depths of the brain, LeDoux has shown that it's possible to eliminate deep-seated fears. All you have to do is remove the memory that created it.

Last year, in a landmark experiment in rats, LeDoux opened a path to doing just that. He showed that it's possible to obstruct the memory of a specific traumatic event without affecting other memories. He also demonstrated that when the memory was stifled, the fear it roused vanished as well.

This sudden ability to produce selective amnesia stunned the scientific community. It also offers unimaginable promise. It could relieve soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or rid sexual abuse and rape victims of haunting memories. My spiders would be fair game, as would LeDoux's enduring aversion to snakes. Other researchers have been quick to adapt LeDoux's findings. One has already begun experimenting on human subjects, and a startup company has emerged that plans to eliminate fears in the comfort of your own home. All you need is a mail-order box of pills and the accompanying DVD.
go here for the rest
http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/5c22cc494e617110vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html

Why do I say that? Because I've had fears, just like most people have but I've also faced death a few times and I can tell you that the two things are totally different.

I fear public speaking. I will get up in front of a crowd with something I wrote and my tongue will stumble over my teeth. My hands shake and it's hard for me to read the speech. That's a fear but I overcome it by no longer reading speeches, opting instead to just address the crowd with what is in my heart and head. I'm not afraid to speak to people on a one to one basis spontaneously so I forget that I am talking to that many people all at once.

In this case my life was not on the line, just my pride. There were times in my life that my life was in danger. At 4 1/2, I was pushed from the top of a slide and landed on concrete head first. Talk about brain trauma! My scull was cracked and I had a concussion. This caused a fear of heights. Considering I'm doing a lot of flying since moving to Florida, it's something I overcame. I still don't like to fly but I don't have to get drunk anymore just to get on the plane.

Later in my early 20's I was in a car accident. I was rear ended and my car spun out of control ending up in a guard rail. I saw the car heading into it, held up my arms to cover my face. All I could think about was how pissed off my Mother would be to not have an open casket, aside from totally her car. I shouldn't be here now. Needless to say, saying I hate traffic would be an understatement. I still drive and overcame the fear but I also drive mostly in the center or right lane now instead of in the passing lane.

Physical abuse came from my ex-husband and someone else in my life. My father was a violent alcoholic who quit drinking when I was 13. The last life threatening time came after I delivered our daughter. I had an infection that never went away. My bladder ended up developing an infection that turn septic and I almost died then too with a massive infection and a fever of 105. I really shouldn't be here at all. Telling me to just get over the fear and equating it to the fear of public speaking proves some of these experts never faced their life on the line.

I don't have PTSD but I can fully appreciate how so many do develop it. The traumas I've been through go into who I am and what I am, as well as how I think, feel and function. Of all the nonsense I've heard in the treatment of PTSD, this I think is the one that ticks me off the most. Forgetting fear is not the same as making peace with it. And oh, by the way, I really hate spiders too. One landed in my hair when I was trying to kill it and got trapped there. I had really long hair and it must have taken my mother 15 minute just to find it. There are fears that are real and do change lives but those kinds of fears can be overcome. PTSD can be stopped from getting worse but you cannot cure it.

I get really tired of "experts" trivializing the kind of experiences people with PTSD go through and how it changes every aspect of their life. I wish they would finally get serious about this and rely on experts who know what it is like to have PTSD and survive having their lives on the line. Arachnophobia does not come close to a bullet or a bomb or the carnage of combat. What I lived through does not come close to what they go through. It does not come close to having been beaten or raped, surviving floods like the people in New Orleans, surviving fires or being an emergency responder. It does not make it into the ballpark of being a cop or a fireman and if you asked a combat veteran how close it comes to being one of them, they may be polite enough to not laugh in your face.

Kathie Costos
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Namguardianangel.blogspot.com
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington

VA in crisis again

VA in Crisis
Tuesday, December 25, 2007, 10:01 PM
By Bob Priddy
Missouri's top veterans official says the Veterans Administration is in crisis again.

Executive director Hal Dulle of the state veterans commission says too many veterans have to wait too long to be accepted in the Veterans Administration system and then have to wait too long to get the medical help they need.

He says, his office works to get veterans to file for their benefits but the VA lacks the personnel to handle the paperwork efficiently. Dulle says the system isn't broken. He says it just doesn't have enough people to handle the increased number of veterans applying for services. The heavy burden is caused by an influx of Gulf war veterans seeking benefits at the same time many Vietnam veterans have decided after 40 years of not being involved...to sign up.

But once the paperwork is processed and the veteran is in the system----there's a lack of doctors. Dulle says part of that problem is that the VA has limited funds...and in a competitive world, the VA has trouble paying enough to keep the specialists the veterans want to see from going into private practice.
click post title for the rest


Why is it that when I read something like this I wonder what the hell have I been working for the last 25 years for? Why did I ever think that all that was needed was to get especially Vietnam veterans to seek help for PTSD like my husband did and the problem would be solved?

I've found so much hope over the last two years that the stigma of PTSD would finally dissolve because the media finally paid attention to it. I've never seen so many reports on PTSD and I was glad that I could see the end in what I do. What good has any of it done when people like me can get them to go for help and find that it isn't there for them? How long is this going to go on? How many more years can they be still paying the price for their service ending up being tortured by the system that was supposedly designed to help them?

I read almost every report coming out on PTSD from state to state and across the globe and right now I feel as if it has been one gigantic waste of time. All these years gone for what? Am I pissed off? You bet I am.

I got into all of this so that no other veteran or family of a PTSD would have to suffer needlessly. I expected a lot more out of this nation thinking that once the problem was known, this grateful nation would actually finally step up and prove it. What a fool I was! Years ago there was an excuse but that was so long ago you would think someone with the power to fix this system would have done it by now. You would think that the people in charge would finally live up to what they have claimed. You would also think that common sense and common decency would have caused monumental changes but then you would also have to think that all the elected actually deserve to have been elected to do their jobs.

We put up with men like Senator Larry Craig sitting on the committee and fighting tooth and nail against what veterans in this country need. What happened to him? Did they try to get him off the committee when his record showed he was not putting the interests of wounded veterans first? No. He got the boot from seeking sex in a bathroom stall from another guy who turned out to be an undercover cop. We put up with someone like Nicholson who not only allowed the VA to be under-funded but actually returned millions unused! When the GOP controlled all the committees we put up with their rants of whining over money they didn't want to spend at the same time they didn't bat a eyelash over the hundreds of billions Bush was asking for to make them wounded combat veterans. We also had to put up with the near silence of the Democrats who didn't think it was necessary to alert the media on the seriousness of any of this. Now they have the power they do not use it! Sure they took on Bush and the GOP to get these programs funded by they caved in on what is really needed and necessary. We need emergency funds and changes now, not years down the line only. They can build all the VA hospitals they want but unless they ramp up getting Veterans Centers operational, they will need even more hospitals and homeless shelters for the veterans they do not take care of today.

This is all bullshit! Who the hell is going to take care of the veterans I get to go for help?

Kathie Costos
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Namguardianangel.blogspot.com
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington

Troubled veterans find heavenly haven at Shepherd's Heart

Troubled veterans find heavenly haven at Shepherd's Heart
By Mike Wereschagin
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Wednesday, December 26, 2007


The softly-lit, green-hued hallway is quiet and warm, and the 10 men inside their rooms are safe for the moment.

Only memory can get to them here.

The Rev. Michael Wurschmidt walks slowly past the closed doors, a sentry in cleric's clothing.

"I never saw combat, but I know what it can do to someone," said Wurschmidt, pastor of Shepherd's Heart Fellowship in Uptown, an episcopal parish and home for homeless veterans.

As many as 250 veterans are homeless on any given night in Southwestern Pennsylvania, according to the VA Pittsburgh Healthcare System, the fifth-largest VA system in the nation. About 1,100 of the region's estimated 227,000 veterans are homeless at some point each year.

The estimates are based on visits to homeless shelters by Veterans Administration representatives.

"Following Vietnam, it took 10 years for us to realize this was a problem," said Wurschmidt, who works as a VA chaplain. "It's not going to take that long this time."

The Shepherd's Heart Veterans Home can house as many as 10 veterans. In its first six months, it has helped 18 veterans "graduate" to a more stable life, Wurschmidt said.
click post title for the rest

Homeless Veteran Shows Not All Gifts Come In Wrapped Packages

Homeless veterans celebrate Christmas
Updated: 12/25/2007 2:19 PM
By: Ryan Burgess



PITTSFIELD, MASS. -- Soldier On resident Eugene Vereen sits looking through an old prayer book. It's a simple way to celebrate Christmas.

"Today is a day of celebration for me, really from the inside, because not in my wildest dreams did I ever believe that I'd ever be here talking to you," said Vereen.

He's been here for three years now, along with other homeless veterans at Soldier On in Pittsfield. For many of them, celebrating Christmas brings mixed emotions.


WATCH THE VIDEO
Homeless veterans celebrate Christmas
It's the spirit of Christmas that can get some people through difficult times and for some formerly homeless veterans, they're now trying to live this spirit every day. Our Ryan Burgess has the story.
go here for the rest
http://www.capitalnews9.com/content/top_stories/default.asp?ArID=228009

Idaho Police Academy slogan "Don't suffer from PTSD, go out and cause it,"

Idaho police academy 'mortified' by gung-ho PTSD slogan


The Associated Press

BOISE, Idaho — Idaho law enforcement leaders say they were "mortified" when a group of state police academy graduates chose a slogan that many felt was just too gung-ho.


The slogan, "Don't suffer from PTSD, go out and cause it," was emblazoned on the Dec. 14 graduation programs for 43 officers who completed the Idaho Police Officer Standards and Training Academy's latest course.

PTSD, short for post-traumatic stress disorder, typically afflicts people who have endured civilian violence, military combat and other extremely dislocating experiences.

"That's not something we encourage or condone," Jeff Black, director of the police training academy in Meridian, told the Spokesman-Review newspaper this week. "It shouldn't have been there. It was inappropriate."
go here for the rest
http://www.theolympian.com/northwest/story/309436.html


I'd really like to know what twisted POS came up with this one. It's Christmas so that is all I have to say on this one today.

YouTube Tribute video to A Fallen Hero

A Fallen Hero

About This Video

Added: December 24, 2007
The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Spc. Micheal D. Brown, 20, of Williamsburg, Kan. died Oct.16 in Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, of a non-combat related illness after being transported from Tikrit,Iraq on Oct.15. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 1st Aviation Regiment, 1st Combat Aviation Brigade, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kansas. He joined the army in February of 2005 and arrived at Fort Riley in September of that same year. This was his second deployment.

The video is on the right side of this blog. It is a beautiful tribute.

It doesn't matter which side you take in all of this, they matter, they should matter to all of us. Think of how we all fight for them. Both sides have their hearts in the right place. It is all about them.

I read it many times that we need to keep politics out of war. The problem is, politics begin wars, wage wars and end wars. Most of the country does not agree with any part of the occupation of Iraq. Some, like me, believe that Iraq is a direct cause of what is happening in Afghanistan and Pakistan. This was supposed to be about our defense and our security. It jeopardizes more lives in both operations. That is what matters to most of us. It stopped being about one political side against the other a long time ago. It became those who support Bush and those who support the troops years ago.

War bloggers want to glorify war. I want to make it personal. I want every soldier to be treated as if they were a member of your own family. I want people to pray for them as if they were your son or daughter. More, I want you to welcome them home the same way you would want your child welcomed home.

You wouldn't want them to suffer with PTSD knowing that the sooner they get help to heal their wound the better the chances of a brighter future will be. You wouldn't want them "dishonorably discharged" when they are in fact wounded and were wounded in service to this nation. You wouldn't want them to be trapped in a long line of other veterans waiting to have their wounds treated. You wouldn't want them to lose all hope of healing and you certainly wouldn't want to find their body because of suicide.

All of them should be regarded as our own family because that is what they are. They are a vital part of this nation. That's what makes what is being done to them the most appalling of all. Being wounded for the nation's cause is the nation's responsibility. It is our obligation to them and yes, even if it means taking care of them for the rest of their lives, the same lives they were willing to lay down for the nation who ordered them to go.

They live up to their obligations everyday. When will we live up to our's?

Homeless for the holidays

Local veterans share stories of life on the streets
By EARL KELLY, Staff Writer
Published December 24, 2007
Magnetic ribbons on the back of cars read "Support our troops" and hint at heroic struggles endured for a grateful nation. But the veterans living on cots in homeless shelters around Anne Arundel County this holiday season tell another tale.

In interviews over the past two weeks, The Capital listened to seven homeless veterans - six men and one woman - who served honorably in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. They were medics, security officers, supply clerks, weapons specialists and aircraft mechanics. They served, on average, five years, and their pay grade when discharged ranged from low-level enlisted ranks to the mid-level, from E-3 to E-6.

Their average age today is 48, and their slide into homelessness didn't come all of a sudden.
Rather, these people have spent years spiraling downward to where they are today.

Five of the vets were interviewed at Gloria Dei! Lutheran Church in Arnold, which is one of the churches that participates in the Winter Relief Program. Two others were interviewed at The Light House Shelter on West Street in Annapolis.

Most of the seven vets grew up in Anne Arundel County, and all of them now call its towns and communities home.
go here for the rest
http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2007/12_24-26/TOP

PTSD:Coping during the holidays

Coping with post-traumatic stress disorder during holidays
Sarasota Herald-Tribune - Sarasota,FL,USA

COPING WITH PTSD DURING THE HOLIDAYS

The holidays are usually a joyous occasion, a time for families to come together. However, when a family member has post-traumatic stress disorder, the holidays may become a stressful time for all involved. Here are some tips to make sure the holiday season is enjoyable for everyone.

RECOGNIZE THE EFFECT OF PTSD SYMPTOMS

People with PTSD may have difficulties experiencing certain emotions, especially positive emotions. A person with PTSD may know that an event is enjoyable but simply be unable to experience joy and happiness associated with that event. Given this, if you notice that a family member with PTSD does not seem to be enjoying the holidays, try not to take it personally.
click above for the rest

Andover soldier dies in Iraq, military cites non-combat incident

Andover soldier dies in Iraq, military cites non-combat incident
December 24, 2007
CONCORD, N.H.—A 19-year-old soldier from Andover has died in Iraq of non-combat related injuries, the Department of Defense said.

Pfc. Juctin McDaniel died Dec. 17 in Baghdad of injuries sustained from a non-combat incident in Taji, Iraq, the Pentagon announced in a news release last week. It said the incident was under investigation.
click post title for the rest

Again, we cannot assume this death is connected to PTSD or to suicide. We may never know what happened but the problem is, the family may never really know either.

'I believed in the commandment 'thou shalt not kill'

Larry Rupp
Age: 61
Hometown: Medford
Occupation: retired state police officer
Military history: Army, 25th Infantry Division, captain, wounded Jan. 7, Jan. 9 and May 17, 1969, in Vietnam; awarded two Silver Stars, two Bronze Stars, three Purple Hearts

'I believed in the commandment 'thou shalt not kill' '
When Larry Rupp watches news coverage of the Iraq war, it triggers thoughts of another conflict.

By Paul Fattig
Mail Tribune
December 24, 2007

When Larry Rupp watches news coverage of the Iraq war, it triggers thoughts of another conflict.

Some are good memories of the late 1960s, back when he was a young soldier leading a platoon in the jungles and rice paddies in what was South Vietnam.


Others are painful reminders of dying friends, of bone-chilling fear, of killing to live.

"It's bothered me more since Iraq than it ever bothered me prior to that war," he says of post-traumatic stress disorder. "We weren't seeing the news on TV like my wife was seeing in the '60s. We were there.

"Now I'm seeing what my wife and other people saw in the '60s," he says. "When you start seeing real-life images of what's going on, seeing these soldiers put on litters, it's tough. It brings back old memories."

Nearly 20 percent of Vietnam veterans suffer from PTSD, according to a 2006 study published in the journal Science. An anxiety disorder brought on by trauma, its symptoms include aggressiveness, alcohol and drug abuse, emotional numbness, irritability, nightmares, problems with employment and relationships, sleeplessness and violence. PTSD can start soon after a traumatic event or surface years later.

Rupp, 61, of Medford, a retired Oregon State Police detective, is a highly decorated Army infantry officer who survived battlefield wounds, both physical and psychological.

While the physical wounds were patched up by quick-reacting medics and military hospital personnel, the PTSD, reignited by news coverage of Iraq and Afghanistan, proved more difficult to cure.

click above for the rest

also on this

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'I believed in the commandment 'thou shalt not kill' is what he and a lot of other veterans believe in their hearts. Yet even in the Bible, there were many times when combat killings were justified. Even then the Bible also addressed the issues of dealing with what the soul has little tolerance of. Ancient Hebrews would "cleanse" themselves before returning home. Historians throughout the world have recorded other cultures processing the warriors back into society. Native American Indians still practice cleansing and it has not changed in centuries.

This is also one of the reasons I do support clergy participating in the healing of our warriors. They do not suffer just from the trauma they were exposed to, but the traumas they participated in. Our soldiers are necessary for defense and in every civilization, they were necessary, as they will be in every generation to come. It would be a wonderful world to live in peace with all nations and have no need for them at all, but reality proves this has never been the case. They participate in committing trauma on others, blowing up bombs that blow up people and pulling the trigger that sends the killing bullet. They must deal with this. While some move past it and find some kind of peace with it, others feel it more deeply. They need help to heal their soul as well a ease their minds.

What I do not agree with is the evangelists in the military now finding it part of their mission to covert those seeking spiritual healing as part of their "mission" instead of taking care of the spiritual needs as they should without pushing their own branch of it. The military chaplains are not serving the soldier by this practice.

The other part of this should prove once and for all that just because they have PTSD they are not useless.
Larry Rupp was highly decorated during his service in Vietnam and went on to work in law enforcement while clearly dealing with PTSD. He was functioning while wounded. As with all wounds, there are many different degrees of how deep the wound changes other aspects of their lives. It also shows that to tell veterans with PTSD they cannot have a gun, causes more problems for the ones who can function while wounded.

There are many men and women working productively in jobs where they need to have and use firearms. There are also many who have used these weapons on themselves. I don't know what the answer is. If a firearm is not available, they will commit suicide by other means, but their number one choice is death by gun. Many believe this new law will be a hindrance in veterans seeking treatment for PTSD if they know it could jeopardize their job. Rupp is a clear example of them being able to carry out their duties while wounded.

I've been in contact with family members who have had their sons commit suicide with guns. They are sure if the gun was not there, their son would still be here. Others deal with the suicide of sons who hung themselves, took a bottle of pills, crashed their cars, jumped to their death, and chose suicide by cop. The only sure way to save their lives is to treat them.

I had an emailer send a comment about a PTSD veteran and murder suicide. Again it happened with a gun. Yet the emailer ignored other reports of PTSD veterans who committed murder/suicides by other means. They choose whatever they can to do what they feel compelled to do. Again, the only sure way to prevent any of this is to stop making combat veterans or to treat the wounded as we would other wounds.


Kathie Costos
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Namguardianangel.blogspot.com
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington

Standoff with combat veteran

Standoff with combat veteran ends peacefully in Appleton

APPLETON — A nearly 10-hour standoff between law officers and a U.S. Marine Corps combat veteran of the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars with sniper and special operations experience ended peacefully withthe apprehension of the suspect shortly after 1 p.m. Sunday. (December 23, 2007)

This is not the first time something like this has happened and it won't be the last.

Updated at: 05/29/2007 11:23:48 PM
By: Justin Piehowski, Web Manager
Family says man was depressed prior to standoff
MINNEAPOLIS (AP) - A Minnesota National Guard member killed in a standoff with police in central Minnesota was suicidal in the past, and initial reports indicated he was intoxicated and driving with a loaded shotgun on the morning of his death, authorities said Tuesday.
But Spc. Brian William Skold, 28, of Sauk Rapids, was also a caring person, who loved waterskiing, fishing and hunting, and drew people in with his outgoing personality.
"He had just a zest for life," said his sister, Jenny Trager. "People really liked him. I guess he would be what I would call a social butterfly. ... He enjoyed being with friends and family."
Skold served about a year in Iraq. Police weren't saying whether lingering effects from his deployment contributed to Sunday morning's incident along Interstate 94, in which he fled from authorities and fired at least one shot from a 12-gauge shotgun before police returned fire, killing him.
http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S98028.shtml?cat=1

Gulf War vet charged in standoff
September 29, 2006
By BILL BIRD staff writerBond was set Sept. 25 at $3 million for a Marine veteran charged with firing more than 100 bullets at police during a 10-hour standoff over the weekend in Bolingbrook.William D. "David" Linley faces a potential 240-year prison term if convicted of all eight felony charges against him.Linley, 41, was charged with two counts of first-degree attempted murder of a police officer and six counts of aggravated discharge of a firearm at police officers, according to spokesmen for both Bolingbrook police and Will County State's Attorney James Glasgow. All the charges are Class X felonies, carrying mandatory terms of six to 30 years in prison upon conviction.Police took Linley into custody Sept. 23 after the standoff at his home at 130 Wethersfield Lane, in Bolingbrook's Hunters Trail subdivision east of Route 53.A Bolingbrook police marksman shot Linley in the arm shortly after midnight, after Linley allegedly sprayed his neighborhood with more than 100 shots from a .22-caliber rifle.
Multiple tours of dutyLinley was described as a troubled and lonely man by Gregory Morley, a fellow former Marine and freelance photographer from Bolingbrook.Morley said Linley is a native of the Flushing area of New York City who dropped out of high school in 1982 to join the Marine Corps.Linley was deployed to Lebanon following the Oct. 24, 1983, bombing of a Marine barracks there, Morley said. While en route, Linley instead became part of the group that rescued American college students in the liberation of Grenada, he said.Morley said Linley advanced to the rank of sergeant before being sent to Kuwait in 1990 during the Gulf War. He received an honorable discharge and worked a number of jobs in Virginia, Colorado, and Illinois before re-enlisting in the Marines and going to Iraq following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, Morley said.
http://www.leatherneck.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35215

Dennis Kucinich calls attention to Liberty House and homeless veterans

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Kucinich To Ring In New Year As Party Host
Not the Democratic party, but a New Hampshire one.Dennis and Elizabeth Kucinich Host New Year's Eve Partyin Manchester, New HampshireDear Kucinich SupporterDennis Kucinich and his wife Elizabeth will be ringing in 2008 with music, merriment, and a message at a special New Year's Eve party and concert on Monday, December 31 at the MCAM TV-23 Studios in Manchester, New Hampshire.
The event - "Resolution for Peace: A New Year's Concert for the Community" - is open to the public and will be televised live on TV-23 and streamed live on the internet at www.kucinichtv.com. So if you can't come, please tune in.
Entertainment for the evening will feature a number of premier musicians from the New York City area, including singer-songwriter Ed Hamell, who performs under the moniker "Hamell on Trial"; two stars of the "downtown" jazz scene - violinist Jenny Scheinman and drummer Ben Perowsky; band-leading bassist (and regular Ani DiFranco sideman) Todd Sickafoose; folk singer Chris Brown; and other special guests.
The event starts at 9:00pm EST. Tickets for the concert are $30 for adults and $10 for students, including food and beverages and they are available online. There will also be a smaller pre-concert reception with Rep. Kucinich and the musicians for those purchasing a $50 ticket. There is no admission charge for children 12 and under.Besides music, dancing, food and fun, the event will also focus attention on the plight of the homeless in the area.
Liberty House, a transitional shelter for homeless veterans located in Manchester, is slated to lose its entire federal funding next year, even though its services are needed more than ever.
More than 43% of homeless males in the U. S. are veterans, and with thousands of soldiers returning from the Iraq War - and housing foreclosures rising - the number of people without a roof over their heads on any given night will surely skyrocket in 2008.

Suicide Threat at a Community Bank

Suicide Threat at a Community Bank
Posted by Susana Marcelo on Dec 23, 2007 - 4:16:34 AM


FULLERTON—On Tuesday, December 18, Fullerton Community Bank was threatened by a man who claimed he was going to commit suicide. The 48-year-old man from Santa Monica called police from a pay phone and warned them that he was going to enter the Fullerton Community Bank at 2920 E. Chapman Avenue and kill himself.

When the 48-year-old suspect entered the building he announced his intentions because he didn’t want anyone to get hurt. The people at the bank dropped to the floor and crawled into the bank vault until police arrived. When police officers arrived at 3:30 pm they found the man sitting down and no weapon anywhere. He was then transported to a Santa Ana mental health clinic.


Sergeant Linda King, Fullerton Police Department PIO, said, “The man is being held on a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation. He did call us from a pay phone nearby and tell us he wanted to kill himself. He then ran into the bank, where we found him. We have had prior dealings with this man and he was held on a prior 72 hour exam back on June 17.”

King said that on June 17 the suspect went into the Starbucks across the street from the Fullerton Community Bank and threatened suicide that time as well. She also added that there are no criminal charges being filed and the identity of the man is withheld because of his suicide threat.

click post title for link

What this does not say is why nothing was done for this man after the first time. What made him want to claim a suicide attempt with nothing to do it with? People do not do something this public unless they are trying to communicate some kind of message in a very public way. Is it that he simply lacks the ability to say what it is he wants people to know or is it that the police never bothered to ask him why he was doing this? Across the world people commit suicide all the time in private. Although their anguish may be known to others, most do not want anyone to stop them from carrying out their suicide if they are intent on doing it.

When I lived back in Massachusetts there was a neighboring family who experienced a private suicide. No one knew how depressed this son was. He was 20. His mother went to wake him up to go to work and found him hanging in his closet. Friends later told his parents they had no idea it was coming. His death left all of them shocked.

There are some who regret trying right after swallowing a handful of pills and call for help. Others will cut their wrist only to make a phone call to save them. They regret giving up, find just enough hope left within them to reach out for help one more time. Many will find themselves receiving the same attitudes they lived with before and try one more time to end their suffering.

Yet when they try to kill themselves in public, they are trying to deliver a message they want everyone to know. What was this man trying to say for the second time and why wasn't this clearly troubled man helped after the first time?

Another non-combat death

Soldier laid to rest in Helena
KPAX-TV - Missoula,MT,USA

Posted: Dec 16, 2007 02:37 AM EST

Updated: Dec 22, 2007 08:38 PM EST


A Montana soldier was laid to rest in his hometown on Saturday after dying last week in Baghdad.

Private Daren A. Smith, 19, was Helena High School graduate who died in Iraq as a result of non-combat related injures. The investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death remain under investigation.

Smith, who grew up in Butte, entered the U.S. Army in March and was stationed in Fort Polk, Louisiana prior to his November deployment.

While Smith's funeral was held Saturday morning in Butte, the burial took place at the State Veteran's Cemetery at Fort Harrison in Helena and community members came out in force to remember the young soldier.

Sgt. Jacob Blaylock won't be counted

Battle on the homefront

December 23, 2007
By Jon Seidel Post-Tribune staff writer


Sgt. Jacob Blaylock won't be counted among the casualties of the Iraq war.
But he, like many soldiers, was haunted by its ghosts.

Blaylock, 26, was a fun-loving man when he went to Iraq, his family said. In photographs, he tends to be the one giving a thumbs-up to the camera.

When he came home from war, though, his family said he wanted a beer, he wanted a cigarette, and he never wanted to go back to battle.

Blaylock, who grew up in Calumet City, shot himself this month. He left a note behind in his glove box for his family.

"I'm sorry I let everybody down," Blaylock wrote.

Blaylock was living in Houston, but his father, Ricky Blaylock, lives in Lowell.

Ricky Blaylock said his son's depression medication, from doctors who were treating his son for post-traumatic stress disorder, arrived the day after the suicide.
go here for the rest
http://www.post-trib.com/news/710044,soldier.article

Main Entry: ca·su·al·ty
Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'ka-zh&l-te, 'kazh-w&l-, 'ka-zh&-w&l-
Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
1 archaic : CHANCE , FORTUNE (losses)
2 : serious or fatal accident : DISASTER
3 a : a military person lost through death, wounds, injury, sickness, internment, or capture or through being missing in action b : a person or thing injured, lost, or destroyed : VICTIM (the ex-senator was a casualty of the last election)
http://reference.aol.com/dictionary?dword=casualty

"I'm sorry I let everybody down," Blaylock wrote. Yet the truth is, he didn't let anyone down but we let him down. We allowed him to be yet one more of the uncounted. Can we be so blind that we allow his life, along with all the others wounded, end by an enemy just as real as the one they were deployed to fight? This enemy follows them home. How can they not be counted when they die as a result of this wound? I've asked this question thousands of times of the years. How can they not be counted as wounded at all? Do you see their numbers included in on any news reports of the casualty counts? We're lucky if we even see a close representation of the real counts, the true picture of the prices they pay.

We allowed him to have to wait for medication and therapy too long. We did not have it ready for him when he needed it any more than we had it ready in the 80's or the 90's when Vietnam veterans needed it or others from other wars. Before Vietnam ended we had he excuse of lack of knowledge but that excuse was obliterated when the world paid attention and every nation was conducting studies. We didn't have the excuse in 2001 or 2002 or 2003 or any other year of these occupations. What are we claiming we are still waiting to learn? What is it that we think we still have yet to learn about this wound documented throughout the centuries? Is there anything new to learn about the cause or the devastating results? No. The only thing we have yet to learn is what is the most effective treatment to fight it.

We know early intervention works the best but we don't practice it. If we did, none of them would have to wait for therapy and medication to begin. We know we cannot prevent it but we don't acknowledge it when wars are being planned and the projected casualty figures are taken into account. We ignore all of this at our own peril by setting up failure upon failure. Failure to take care of them increases the likelihood of suicides, criminal activity, drug and alcohol abuse, divorce, homelessness and residual casualties in their children. We set up society as a whole for failure when we will have to support the survivors in the end because we refused to take care of them when it was the most promising to help them recover. We fail them all the way around.

So another warrior takes his own life waiting to have his wounds treated. Another soldier dies and his name is recorded no where. Another family left behind wondering why this "grateful nation" was not so grateful for the service their son was willing to provide and let him die. kc

Car crash got disabled GI the help he needed

Car crash got disabled GI the help he needed

The Associated Press
Posted : Sunday Dec 23, 2007 13:35:10 EST

DETROIT, Maine — For former Army Spc. Matthew Pennington, who lost one leg and part of the other in combat in Iraq nearly 20 months ago, a near-fatal drunken driving accident in September marked the low point in his struggle to get his life back on track.

Traveling at what police later told him was about 55 mph, Pennington drove into the wall of the Bank of America building on Exchange Street in Bangor.

“It was my statement: ‘I am done,”’ said the 24-year-old paratrooper from Detroit. He had turned to alcohol, he said, out of frustration in dealing with his physical injuries and the demons that followed him home from the war.

Pennington had been fitted with a prosthetic leg that he hoped to someday use to run a marathon. But when the leg broke in June and Pennington was unable to get it fixed, he lost a measure of his independence.

A months-long delay in getting his leg fixed was the first of what he said was a series of barriers that prevented him from getting the help he needed through the Department of Veterans Affairs.

After the crash in Bangor, Pennington started receiving treatment for the post-traumatic stress disorder he had been diagnosed with more than a year before. Other help came after he and his wife began speaking publicly about their problems. On Thursday he was fitted with new parts for his prosthetic leg, which turned out to be a vast improvement.
go here for the rest
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2007/12/ap_vetsstruggle_071223/

Encouraging hope during annual homeless service

When Michael Keslosky, homeless veterans advocate, first met Zarnoch about five weeks ago, the former combat vet was living with Vietnam and Korean veterans underneath the Market Street Bridge. Zarnoch now resides in Kingston House.

Encouraging hope during annual homeless service
Event gave voice to those who can’t speak for themselves, says charity official.
By SHERRY LONG slong@timesleader.com

Homelessness doesn’t just affect large cities like New York City and Los Angeles. It’s also a growing problem in Luzerne County, Volunteers of America officials said.

Believing it’s important to bring awareness to the issue to help end homelessness, the Luzerne County Homeless Coalition held its second annual Homeless Memorial Service Friday afternoon at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church to coincide with other homeless memorials being held across the country.

“The purpose of the event was to be a voice for those who may not be able to speak for themselves,” said Bill Jones, Volunteers of America’s vice president and chief operating officer.

Organizers wanted to bring attention to the blight of homeless people, including Iraq War veteran Robert Zarnoch.



Keslosky said his heart goes out to the veterans because he was once in their shoes – a homeless veteran struggling to survive day to day.

“People in the community don’t realize every one of us is one paycheck away from being homeless,” Keslosky said.

Keslosky said he’s outraged that any men and women who risked their lives serving for our country are homeless.

“There should be no homeless veteran. We are the richest and most powerful nation in the world. We need to take better care of our veterans who served this country with honor and distinction before the number of homeless veterans increases with the ending of the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan as they did when the Vietnam veterans returned home,” he said.
click above for the rest

My heart is tugged by homeless veterans above all because they were willing to lay down their lives for this country. I believe that this nation should take care of all the homeless people but if we do not take care of the veterans, it is very unlikely we will take care of the regular citizens who become homeless. We don't take care of their mental anguish or help them to overcome feeling as if the world has forgotten them.

I've posted it many times in the past, that my husband was almost one of them because of PTSD. What I do not talk about is that we almost lost our house as well. Forbearance agreements with the mortgage company and borrowed money from my Mother helped see us through. It gave me a new perspective of homeless veterans and their families, just as being married to a PTSD veteran helped me understand everything that went with that aspect. They are not lazy people, but they are unable people. They are not crazy people, but they are wounded people. To know there is so much suffering among them as well as their families captures you. You cannot forget about it or them. You find yourself running out of reasons to retain your own indifference toward them. Little by little all the excuses you come up with to not care about them evaporates. Soon you understand that no one in their right mind wants to be homeless, living on the streets, fighting for a place to sleep or pushing a shopping cart filed with what is left of everything they own. Once you understand this, they matter to you.