When will the press stop turning to families for answers after they lost someone they loved? When will they stop putting pressure on them to do something about it?
This keeps happening every time a family agrees to talk to reporters about the suicide of a veteran or active duty servicemember.
They want to do something to prevent another family from knowing that kind of grief but wanting to help and being able to do it are two different things.
Reporters should never question their intentions any more than they should question their resolve. They must question their ability on many different levels. Putting families in that kind of position isn't fair because they are not equipped to do it.
I should know simply because I am one of them. After over a decade of being prepared, PTSD research topped off with helping other veterans, we still lost my husband's nephew. I knew the cause, knew what to say, knew what he had to do to heal but what I didn't know was how to find the right way to get him to listen to me.
To this day, everytime I read about another family facing that kind of heartache, it is like a rusty nail being jabbed into my soul because I've seen the flipside of this when they get the proper help and heal enough to live a better quality of life.
I think these families are heroes talking publicly about what used to be whispered during funerals.
They give other families permission to stop feeling guilty long enough to grieve and start the healing process. The trouble is when they decide to do something to save others without knowing what that something should be as reporters want to know their answers.
The pressure is a tremendously unnecessary burden on their shoulders.
I've been doing this for over 30 years now and I still don't have all the answers. I have a list of experts to turn to whenever I am faced with something beyond my ability. Even with that level of support, experience has shown me I can only go so far with the veterans I work with. Usually it is just getting them to understand what PTSD is and what can change just enough so they are willing to go for the proper help.
These families are not trained and lack the understanding they need to help heal veterans however they are in a position to help other families with peer support. The experience is healing, not just for the other families, but for them as well. The trouble comes when they are put into situations where they don't know what to do.
I have a strong support system behind me when it gets too hard. Who do they have? They may have other family members and friends but if they lack the necessary knowledge to actually help, their good intentions can actually do more harm than good.
The same thing is happening in Washington. We've all heard or read about family members telling their stories to members of Congress.
These hearings are usually followed by Bills that are simply renamed repeats of what has already failed because politicians are not trained any more than they are reminded of what has been done in the past.
Hey, it sounds good to Congress, so they just do it without ever once understanding the ramification of each word they choose, time they waste and funds they throw away.
Each time they repeat history, they end up with more families bearing the burden of sharing their loss hoping to save another veteran from the same fate. Good intentions do not help when folks are just guessing instead of spending the time to learn before they attempt to teach.
Have any of them actually explained how things got this bad after all they've "done" before?
