It doesn't matter if you go to church or not but if you were raised in a Christian home, it is part of your foundation. That connection between you, Christ and God remains no matter how much you may ignore it and even avoid it at times.
For combat veterans, the feelings of guilt after what you went through cut deeper than what any other survivor of trauma will ever know. For someone to sit there and tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about leaves you thinking your feelings have just been dismissed by someone with no clue what's going on inside of you.
Maybe you don't really have anything to be forgiven for by them or anyone else but yourself. Feeling guilty you came home with all of your arms, legs and eyes or guilt over the fact you survived but your buddy didn't? Feeling guilty because a civilian was killed or even a child? We could tell you all the tired lines about what happens in war but again it would only dismiss what you feel inside.
The first step in healing is acknowledging the guilt you feel along with your pain, then taking a good, long look at the pain itself. How can you feel pain over the suffering of someone else if you are evil? That kind of blows that theory you have going on. How could you feel compassion in the midst of all the horrors of war if you were evil? The two do not go together.
Take a look at what you were like as a kid growing up. Were you a heartless jerk trying to hurt someone else? Did you grow up wanting to kill and destroy? If you did then the likelihood of joining the military would have been just about zilch. Selfish people don't join.
What were you like if you were drafted? It makes PTSD a bit worse when you were forced to be there topping off everything you had to go through, but you still need to ask yourself the same questions. The fact is, it was a choice to go because you could have taken the coward's way out and went to Canada instead.
You need to find forgiveness but you need to find it within yourself and forgive yourself first for what you had to do. You need to find peace with the fact you are still here and the death of your friend was not a judgement against them or in favor of you. No one can ever explain why a child dies but a person can live past 100 or why some family has everything they had taken away from a tornado but a neighbor's home is just missing a few shingles. You lived and now it's time to find a way to use the rest of your life with a sense of purpose. How can you do that if you feel as if you didn't deserve to survive?
You have it in you to want to do some good in this world, to serve and help others. Many veterans want to help other veterans and that's a wonderful thing but you won't be able to do it until you can honestly look them in the eye and tell them they are worth helping. You can do it once you have forgiven yourself.
God knows what you did but beyond that, He knows what you intended to do as much as He knows what was in your heart. Look at yourself and remember what you were feeling. Most of the time you realize there is nothing to be forgiven for but if you feel as if you need it, remember there is nothing you cannot be forgiven for. Christ forgave the hands that nailed Him to the Cross.
PTSD is not a judgment against you but more a reflection of the state of your soul. The fact you can feel that depth of pain means you had to care deeply in the first place.
Finding peace: Veterans visit monastery to heal traumas of war
On a recent Tuesday morning, a group of military veterans, along with a few of their wives, gathered at the Monastery of Holy Spirit to hear what Father Anthony Delisi had to say about anger and forgiveness as it relates to war.
Reporter: By Karen J. Rohr, Features Editor
Jun 11, 2011
CONYERS — On a recent Tuesday morning, a group of military veterans, along with a few of their wives, gathered at the Monastery of Holy Spirit to hear what Father Anthony Delisi had to say about anger and forgiveness as it relates to war.
“What if we can’t forgive ourselves?” asked a Vietnam veteran.
“How do we handle memories that give guilt and shame?” inquired another.
“What about the anger that was directed to our spouses and children?” remarked another.
As the discussion unfolded, silent tears were shed and answers from the monk and fellow veterans were offered up.
read more here
Veterans visit monastery to heal traumas of war
