Caregiver wife battles for combat wounded husband

Hidden Heroes: When her husband was injured in Afghanistan, she fought to get him the care he needed 
Johnson City Press 
Hannah Swayze
July 8, 2018

Soon, Susan also realized, they had to move. The family was living in Fort Bragg at the time, and there, military life was unescapable. They decided to look for another place to live and they heard about the Mountain Home Veterans Affairs Healthcare System.

“Once we came here it was like the Disney World of VAs,” said Susan. Susan says their lives look a lot different now.

Hannah Swayze
This is a photo collage that Susan created to show their doctors and counselors to illustrate really what Jason has gone through. The first top left photo is Justin before the injuries and the other three surrounding it are the aftermath of the explosion. "I realized as I became justin's advocate and I became his voice that words simply won't describe what he had survived," said Susan.

Susan Freeman became her husband Justin’s caregiver after he returned from war. He was severely injured after his truck was shattered by a 1,000-pound improvised explosive device, or IED, in 2009, though looking at him and talking to him today, you might not notice more than a limp.

Justin, a U.S. Army veteran, said it was the largest successfully detonated IED that had been used in Afghanistan at that point in the war.

The explosion left Justin severely injured. He suffered damage to his brain and spinal cord and various other places throughout his body. It wasn't until after he painfully finished out his deployment and returned to the United States that he and his family realized just how much damage had been done.

“When he walked off the plane I could see that he was just broken,” said Susan. “He was broken mentally and physically and spiritually broken.”

When Justin returned, he was put in rehabilitation, going to appointment after appointment. It wasn't long before Susan realized that he wasn't really getting better.

Justin was grieving the loss of his career in the Army and struggling both physically and mentally. His injuries were numerous: nerve damage in his shoulder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and more. His mental health plummeted.
read more here

Remind Congress to Treat Veterans None The Less

DAV Magazine Unsung Heroes covers the battle to treat all disabled veterans-caregivers equally. Imagine that! 

You'd think that when the Congress does something for one generation, it would benefit all generations. Then again, you'd also have to think that Congress would have planned on taking care of them in the first place.

Fayetteville VA cut more than half of its caregivers

Some VAs Are Dropping Veteran Caregivers From Their Rolls
NPR
Quil Lawrence
April 5, 2017
Heard on Morning Edition

Fayetteville cut more than half of its caregivers, dropping 314 families from the rolls between May 2014 and February 2017. And while data from the VA in Washington showed seven staff at Fayetteville were coordinating caregivers (a ratio of 37/1), the Fayetteville VA shows only two staff are doing that job, meaning that each coordinator is actually overseeing more than 125 veterans.

Alishia Graham had been part of a Veterans Affairs program as a caregiver for her husband, Jim. The couple lives in Jacksonville, N.C. Jim's tattoo commemorates his best friend, who was killed in 2006 by the mortar blast that also left Jim with a brain injury. Quil Lawrence /NPR

By the time they cut her from the program, Alishia Graham was angry, but not surprised. Her postman delivered the news in February.

"The letter was sitting at the top — and my stomach dropped because I knew what it was," she says.

The letter from the Department of Veterans Affairs informed Graham that her husband Jim, who sustained a brain injury on his third deployment to Iraq, no longer qualified for a caregiver to help with his daily life.

"It's not even like ... 'We think he doesn't need as much help.' No — 'We think he's totally fine and he doesn't need any help,' " says Graham. "I'm insulted for him. Because I know what he struggles with."

"The program is not cutting back in any way," says Meg Kabat, director of the VA Caregiver Support Program. "We've been able to expand the number of caregiver support coordinators and really continue to monitor that. We also train our staff on a regular basis."

But the VA is infamous for lacking consistency from station to station. And while the program has added 6,300 caregivers since 2014, according to VA data, NPR discovered that 32 out of 140 VA medical centers were cutting their programs during the same period — some drastically.
read more here

We May Matter After All As Caregivers Too!

There is nothing new to us, even though, younger veterans seem to believe it is all about them alone. The truth is, we've just been fighting for the things they get and got left out of most of it. Our husbands and wives came home with the same wounds and we had the same struggles but no one had the internet back then and reporters just didn't care. Imagine what could have happened if they had paid attention to us too?

VA secretary backs expanding caregiver program to older vets
Military Times
By: Leo Shane III
March 10, 2017

But when Congress authorized those services in 2010, they made the the majority them only available to caregivers of post-9/11 veterans. Researchers estimate that covers only about one-fifth of the 5.5 million family members providing home care for veterans.

WASHINGTON — Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin supports expanding his department’s caregiver benefits to families of veterans of all eras, and thinks the move may be far less costly than most critics expect.

In testimony before the House Veterans’ Affairs Committee earlier this week, Shulkin said he believes the current restrictions on the caregiver program — which limit many benefits solely to families of post-9/11 veterans — need to be updated.

“I do believe it needs to be for all veterans,” he said, “particularly our older veterans who want to stay at home, and then maybe they wouldn't have to leave their home and into an institution.”

He said department officials have begun a review of the costs and procedures for expanding the program, and will formally approach lawmakers with a plan in the months to come.

Currently, VA caregiver programs provide a monthly stipend, travel expenses, access to health insurance, mental health services, training and respite care for designated caregivers of injured or infirm veterans.
read more here

Caregivers Military Normal World For Us

Hidden Heroes of Forgotten Veterans 
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 28, 2016



"There are more than 5.5 million caregivers for the nation’s military wounded or ill, and they often go unrecognized." said Tom Hanks and then he called us hidden heroes.

I was reading about this early this morning waiting to clock in at work. Imagine having to do my job all day after having this in my mind.

When I hear folks talk about "caregivers" I get upset for several reasons. One is that all of this is still going on where those among us caring for a veteran are being called "hidden heroes" and then, from the flip side, older ones like me have been forgotten about.

Over three decades spent taking care of not just my husband, but other veterans everyday, and all of this following my youth with my Dad, another disabled veteran from the Korean War. My Mom was a caregiver too. She was first generation American and so was my Dad. My uncles served in WWII and so did my husband's Dad and his uncles.

With that in mind, it makes me want to cry that there seems to be this impression that only the new caregivers matter and only they have the unique issues brought on by their veterans service. It makes me angry they have to "deal" with any of this at all considering we fought for all of it for decades. Yes, that long and it has not been easy but it was necessary. 

We did all of it without the internet, or any of the social media sites because they didn't exist. We did it with social gatherings in the veterans community and we did it face to face, making phone calls and writing letters we actually had to put in a mailbox.

We learned the hard way. My Dad used the term "shell shock" after he said my then boyfriend seemed like a "nice guy" and only after he spoke about five words during a family get-together. I had to go to the library to understand what I was getting into.  Even though I learned what PTSD was and why he had it, what it was doing to him, I had nothing to help me with what I had to decide to face or not, other than a deep love for my best friend. I haven't regretted any of it because he was always worth the fight.

Wives like me had to fight the VA and fight our husbands to give them the chance to heal but first we had to make them believe there was something worth living for. It was a lot harder than most think it would be. But this was our military normal, far from what civilians have to deal with in ordinary marriages.  Sure, we had the usual arguments about taking out the trash and not spending enough time with the kids or us, but then we had to learn the rest that comes with this.

We learned how to walk away and let things calm down. How to stand and fight when it was necessary and take on even our own families when their advice was get a divorce. We had to learn how to navigate the VA system and how to fight for claims to be honored at the same time we had to fight to make sure our veteran did not give up.

We learned how to wake them up after yet one more nightmare from the foot of the bed so that we would not be in striking distance. How to calming bring them back after a flashback. How to hold them when they couldn't stop shaking and how to deal with someone passing judgement when their facial ticks, body twitches and involuntary mouth movements were out of control.

We learned how to do a lot of things but one thing came naturally. Loving them was the easy part. It was easy for us to walk away from co-workers complaining about their husbands being selfish or acting like it was the end of the world because they wanted to do something without them. We were doing things without our husbands because they were having a bad day or just not in the mood to be around people.

We learned how to look for a booth instead of a table when we finally got to go out to eat and how to get our friends to go to the movie with us because a dark theater with a bunch of strangers is the last place a veteran wants to be. They were worth all of it because whatever they could give, they gave it all to us. Just as they gave all they had to give for the country when they were putting their lives on the line, as they did for the men/women they were with, there was nothing they held back except their pain.

Sharing those emotions took a great sense of trust and that, that they learned from us. I can walk into a dark room as my husband sleeps without him jumping up or waking up because I made a noise. Think that is a small thing? Then you must not have spent much time with one of them or you'd know how hard something like that hits them.

If you really want to honor us "hidden heroes" then make a difference in a real way and not just by sharing our stories. Do something about stopping the worst from happening by making sure our elected officials do their jobs and folks running all these charities do theirs because from where I sit after 3 decades, not enough has changed for the better and far too much has changed for worst.

Tom Hanks joins call to help military caregivers
STARS AND STRIPES
By DIANNA CAHN
Published: September 28, 2016

There are more than 5.5 million caregivers for the nation’s military wounded or ill, and they often go unrecognized, Hanks said.

WASHINGTON — The public service announcement begins with Tom Hanks introducing himself on a black screen.

He walks over to a man in a wheelchair, who is missing both legs and is flanked by his wife and two daughters. His name is Chaz Allen – Airborne, wounded in combat. Hanks calls him a hero and thanks him for his service.

Then Hanks introduces himself to Allen’s wife, Jessica. She’s a hero too, Hanks says. Because Chaz Allen needs a lot of help, and his wife is also raising their two girls.

“Which makes me want to thank you for your service, Jessica,” Hanks says. “You are a hidden hero.” read more here

Tom Hanks talks Hidden Heroes
Stars and Stripes

Senator Dick Durbin Remembers All Veteran Caregivers

When the news came out that the Congress was acknowledging how much caregivers go through taking care of our veterans, most of us were happy until we read that they were not talking about all of us. They were talking about the post 9-11 families as if we never did anything.

Stunned wasn't the word. Shocked wasn't the word either considering that is how it has been for us since the Internet generation started coming home with the same things our generation went through but they got the attention. Slapped in the face is the best way to explain what this all did to us when this happened.

H.R.2342 - Wounded Warrior Project Family Caregiver Act of 2009

Yep, those guys again.

Wounded Warrior Project Family Caregiver Act of 2009 - Directs the Secretary of Veterans Affairs, as part of authorized Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) home health care services for veterans, to furnish to a family member or other designated individual advanced instruction and training and certification as a family caregiver for a veteran who incurred serious wounds on active duty during, or in training for, Operations Enduring Freedom or Iraqi Freedom and is determined to be in need of personal care services.

We woke up to husbands having nightmares and babies needing our attention. We went to work making sure our kids got to and from school while we punched the clock and dealt with frantic phone calls from our husbands when they were falling apart. We made the excuses for why they couldn't go to work and borrowed money when they lost yet another job. We fought with family members telling us to get divorced when they didn't come to a family event yet again.

We trained ourselves to adapt to our new normal life as a veteran's wife with medical physical and psychological wounds needing to be tended to while fighting the VA and everyone else. None of this is new but it appears the rest of the country has forgotten all about us.

How is it that the generation coming up with the slogan and mission to never leave one generation of veterans behind ended up being left out of all of this?

The motto of Vietnam Veterans of America is "Never again will one generation of veterans, abandon another". But this is more than a motto, it is a way of life

Durbin seeks to expand VA Caregivers Program
Daily Republican
By RICK HAYES
Staff Writer
Posted Jul. 1, 2015

Through the Family Caregiver Program, the VA cost per veteran per year is about $36,000. This includes the stipend, which averages between $600 and $2,250 a month, based on the level of care and the geographic location and services provided to the caregiver.

MARION — U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) is seeking to expand a program to assist caregivers of veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan to include veterans of all wars.

The Caregiver Program created through language Durbin included in the Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act of 2009 provides home health training, peer support and financial stipends to caregivers of severely injured veterans.

More than 21,000 veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan participate in the program today, including 425 in Illinois. While the eligibility for the original Caregiver Program is limited to post 9/11 veterans, Durbin's new bill would expand the program to allow severely injured veterans from all wars to apply.

"What the bill says is that when we have a spouse or member of the family who is willing to sacrifice to help the returning veteran, we're going to help that caregiver," Durbin said Tuesday at the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 1301 in Marion.

"We have come to believe we can do more, that limiting it to just veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan is not enough. Veterans from other periods of service need caregivers as well," he added.

Durbin said the program contains three valuable components: allowing the caregiver at home to have the necessary medical training to understand the challenges of the veteran and be able to respond to each situation; to provide respite care — where an independent agency can give the caregiver a break from the day-to-day care of the veteran; and to provide financial assistance to the caregivers.
read more here

We were young too and we still need help scream from Vietnam family veterans

Ok, I am officially pissed off again. Do they have a clue that PTSD and combat wounds didn't just start? Everytime I read about young "caregivers" thinking they are the only ones needing help, it is infuriating because my generation followed in the footsteps of older veterans and their families. We just took those steps and managed to walk miles more to get this country to do the right thing for all of us and whatever generation coming behind us would face.

Military caregiver: We're young, and we need help
AZ Central
Melissa Comeau, AZ
December 12, 2014

Wife of a veteran: Soldiers returning from war today often require care for decades. Yet many programs don't support them or their caregivers. Here's how you can help us.
read more here


My Comment

We were young too. I was only 23 when we met. My husband was young when he enlisted at 17 and turned 19 in Vietnam. PTSD took control of our lives and we had nowhere to turn. We didn't have Facebook or online support groups. We didn't even have the internet. While everything available for the younger veterans today became possible because of older veterans and our families, we're left out of what younger ones think should only be for them.

We were caregivers longer but no one ever thinks of us. Most of the backlog claims are from 50 and older veterans. Most of the veterans committing suicide are over 50.

I am glad your generation has been getting plenty of attention because that is what our generation fought for.

The question is, when does your generation remember we've been waiting even longer?

The pictures all over Facebook are of young veterans but our's are in photo albums unless someone knows how to use a scanner. They are in books at the library because they are part of history that apparently has been forgotten by this generation. Pictures like this one.

Veterans came back from Vietnam but older veterans didn't want anything to do with them. When they decided to fight for what was right, they included the older veterans because they knew they waited longer for the same wounds to be taken care of. They used the power of their numbers and their voices even though the American public wanted nothing to do with them.

This generation doesn't even know where the term "new normal" came from and my generation started it because we were pissed off watching talk shows about trivial problems when what we were going through was kept secret. We were conditioned to feel ashamed by our parents telling us to suck it up and get over it. After all that was what they did.

They did it and they suffered for it instead of healing and finding peace. They committed suicide and drank too much. They got divorced at higher percentages than their civilian peers. They swapped war stories at the local bar. So did we but we were not willing to settle for bitter tears and we opened our mouths.

We did it without the internet at first but then in the 90's we managed to learn how to join forces across the nation and make things happen faster.

We ended up left out of what this internet generation thinks they are the only ones going through any of this. So how is it the generation that fought for all generations is yet again last on the list to get what we waited longer for and fought harder for?

We want this generation to have it better than we did but that doesn't mean we should be shoved out of their way.

We were there when troops were sent off to war in the 90's and when they were sent into Afghanistan and Iraq. Our generation sent our own kids. We knew that while things were not perfect for them when they came home, they were a hell of a lot better than what our generation came home to. We were there to offer support, help and educate them so they wouldn't have to learn all of this the hard way.

I've been doing this for over 30 years and I am no longer young. None of the leaders are young and we are far from foolish yet this generation fails time after time to listen to those who have been here longer and had to learn the hard way.

So how is it this generation so technological savvy is so misinformed?

I read Facebook posts and pop into this group or that one after someone wants me to support their group yet have found too few deserving it. Why? Because they cannot even answer basic questions.

They don't understand PTSD or why some have it and they sure as hell have no clue what works yet they get the attention as "experts" pushing others into information overload.

It happens when news reports come out and they just post what was reported without understanding basic history enough to know it is a load of crap just like the latest suicide prevention bill coming on the tail of others that failed.

We know better because we've been doing it longer and as for learning, we researched as if our lives depended on it simply because they did.  No one was fighting for us back then and no one is remembering us now.

WE ARE VETERAN FAMILY VETERANS

Second Class Veteran Caregivers Suffer Thanks to Congress

We are second class caregivers for our families and apparently Congress has no problem with that at all. When the Caregivers Bill was passed, they ignored the fact that our families have done it a lot longer than the newer families. Hey, but why would they want to take care of us after they didn't all these years? Why help us and it right for the veterans we care for?

Our generation had to fight for everything available now when Vietnam veterans and families were treated like second class veterans by other groups. Yahoo, we managed to make it better for all veterans. Now Congress tips their hats to our families with a one finger salute.

Yesterday there was a memorial put up for our disabled veterans. It was not funded by the government. No shocker there. The memorial is for all veterans equally but Congress didn't care.

Expansion dim for VA caregiver program
Albuquerque Journal
By Tom Philpott
Syndicated Columnist
PUBLISHED: Monday, October 6, 2014

For older generations of spouses, mothers and other family caregivers of severely disabled veterans, the startling feature of the Family Caregiver Program that Congress enacted in 2010 was its exclusivity.

The unprecedented package of caregiver benefits includes training to help to ensure patient safety; cash stipends to partially compensate for caregiver time and effort; caregiver health coverage if they have none, and guaranteed periods of respite to protect against burnout.

The comprehensive package, however, isn’t available to most family members who are primary caregivers to severely ill and injured veterans.

To control costs, Congress opened the program only to caregivers of veterans severely “injured,” either physically or mentally, in the line of duty on or after Sept. 11, 2001. It is not open to families of severely disabled vets injured before 9/11. It also is not open to post-9/11 veterans who have severe service-connected illnesses, rather than injuries.

Advocates for these forgotten families had hoped a successful launch of a limited program would spur Congress to expand eligibility and end the obvious inequity it created. That hope is set back by a new Government Accountability Office report on the three-year-old Family Caregiver Program, which finds it’s underresourced and, for the most part, in disarray.

All of the research and the studies that Congress relied to shape the program, Atizado added, had focused on caregiver needs for the elderly, not for a younger generation of veterans struggling to re-engage with society.

Atizado noted that most caregivers of severely disabled veterans, including most represented by DAV, aren’t eligible for the comprehensive caregiver benefit, although they want to be and should be.
read more here

VA to Take Applications for New Family Caregiver Program

VA to Take Applications for New Family Caregiver Program

VA Implementing Enhancements to Existing Services

for Veterans and Their Caregivers



WASHINGTON - Today, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) published
the interim final rule for implementing the Family Caregiver Program of
the Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act 2010. This new
rule will provide additional support to eligible post-9/11 Veterans who
elect to receive their care in a home setting from a primary Family
Caregiver.

"We at VA know that every day is a challenge for our most seriously
injured Veterans and their Family Caregivers," said VA Secretary Eric K.
Shinseki. "I know many Veterans and their Family Caregivers have been
waiting anxiously for this day and I urge them to get their applications
in as soon as possible so they can receive the additional support they
have earned."

On May 9, staff in VA's Office of Care Management and Social Work will
open the application process for eligible post-9/11 Veterans and
Servicemembers to designate their Family Caregivers.

Additional services for primary Family Caregivers of eligible post-9/11
Veterans and Servicemembers include a stipend, mental health services,
and access to health care insurance, if they are not already entitled to
care or services under a health care plan. Comprehensive Caregiver
training and medical support are other key components of this program.
The program builds on the foundation of Caregiver support now provided
at VA and reflects what families and clinicians have long known; that
Family Caregivers in a home environment can enhance the health and
well-being of Veterans under VA care.

Starting May 9th, Veterans may download a copy of the Family Caregiver
program application (VA CG 10-10) at www.caregiver.va.gov. The
application enables the Veteran to designate a primary Family Caregiver
and secondary Family Caregivers if needed. Caregiver Support
Coordinators are stationed at every VA medical center and via phone at
1-877-222 VETS (8387) to assist Veterans and their Family Caregivers
with the application process.

"Providing support to Family Caregivers who sacrifice so much to allow
Veterans to remain at home surrounded by their loved ones, is very
important to us at VA. We offer a range of Caregiver support services
including training, counseling and respite care to ensure that our
caregivers have the tools and support they need to continue in their
care giving role," said Deborah Amdur, VA's Chief Consultant for Care
Management and Social Work. "We appreciate the patience, support and
assistance we have received from Veterans, Veterans Service
Organizations, and the greater Caregiver community in shaping this
program and bringing this new VA program to our wounded warriors and
their dedicated Family Caregivers."

Caregivers for Veterans of all eras are eligible for respite care,
education and training on what it means to be a caregiver, how to best
meet the Veteran's care needs, and the importance of self-care when in a
care giving role. The full range of VA services already provided to
Caregivers will continue, and local Caregiver Support Coordinators at
each VA medical center are available to assist Family Caregivers in
identifying benefits and services they may be eligible for. The
Caregiver Support Coordinators are well versed in VA programs and also
have information about other local public, private and non-profit agency
support services that are available to support Veterans and their Family
Caregivers at home.

VA programs for Veterans and their Family Caregivers include:

o In-Home and Community Based Care: This includes skilled
home health care, homemaker home health aide services, community adult
day health care and Home Based Primary Care.

o Respite Care: Designed to relieve the Family Caregiver
from the constant challenge of caring for a chronically ill or disabled
Veteran at home, respite services can include in-home care, a short stay
in one of VA's community living centers or an environment designed for
adult day health care.

o Caregiver education and training programs: VA currently
provides multiple training opportunities which include pre-discharge
care instruction and specialized caregiver programs in multiple severe
traumas such as Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), Spinal Cord
Injury/Disorders, and Blind Rehabilitation. VA has a Family Caregiver
assistance healthy living center on My HealtheVet, www.myhealth.va.gov
, as well as caregiver information on the
VA's main Web page health site; both Websites include information on VA
and community resources and Caregiver health and wellness.

o Caregiver support groups and other services: Family
Caregiver support groups, offered in a face to face setting or on the
telephone, provide emotional and peer support, and information. Family
Caregiver services include family counseling, spiritual and pastoral
care, family leisure and recreational activities and temporary lodging
in Fisher Houses.

o Other services: VA provides durable medical equipment
and prosthetic and sensory aides to improve function, financial
assistance with home modification to improve access and mobility, and
transportation assistance for some Veterans to and from medical
appointments.

Families of severely wounded veterans still waiting for help

Families of severely wounded veterans still waiting for help

By ROB HOTAKAINEN

McClatchy Newspapers

Fabienne Uran quit her job after her son, Matthew, broke his neck and fractured his skull and pelvis in a helicopter crash in the Kuwaiti desert in 2005.

Now she takes care of the former pilot on a full-time basis. For her efforts, she figures she should get paid at least $600 a week by federal taxpayers.

"I'm modest about my expectations," said Uran, 60, of Bellevue, Wash.

Like thousands of others who are taking care of wounded veterans at home, Uran had hoped to be getting checks from the Department of Veterans Affairs by now.

In May, President Barack Obama signed a new law that promised - for the first time in history - to pay family members and others who care for severely wounded soldiers at home. To qualify, soldiers had to be injured after Sept. 11, 2001.

But the VA missed a Jan. 30 deadline to get the program up and running. That's angering many families of wounded veterans and many members of Congress, who are accusing the Obama administration of dragging its feet.

On Wednesday, Democratic Sen. Patty Murray of Washington, the chairman of the Senate Veterans' Affairs Committee, gave a public scolding to Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki, telling him the VA isn't complying with the law.

Read more:
Families of severely wounded veterans still waiting for help

Compassion fatigue -- how to protect yourself

This is great advice in this piece and something I practice all the time. Ok, sometimes not often enough. The post I did about God forsaking me was the result of not doing it often enough.

Not much has changed since that post, but the wondrous thing is that a lot of you emailed me letting me know you care, sharing your own stories, your own faith and it really helped a great deal.

One of the causes behind this blog is to show how we are all really connected. Some hurt but others help. Some are in need, but others give. The problem is when we forget that the really important thing is what binds us together. I don't pick and choose who I help because none of my heroes did. I don't want to get so swallowed up in the political division in this country that everything else vanishes. That hating anyone solves nothing, ignoring the truth and believing in lies makes bad things worse, plus it leaves behind a lot of people the same energy could be used to help. Focusing on what we can do makes a lot of people a lot better off.

It was also about sharing my own joys, pains, frustrations and struggles. That was also the reason I wrote the book. No, no nobility here. I had seen a therapist and was encouraged to write it as a way of healing and helping. Healing me, getting me over the anger I was still unable to move past along with the pain, was the primary goal. If you are a caregiver, it may help you especially if you are dealing with PTSD. Click the link on the side bar back to my website and you can read it in Adobe.

This article says that talking helps, but it's not just about talking, it's about sharing the fact that we are all human and none of us can overcome everything alone no matter how much faith we have.

Compassion fatigue -- how to protect yourself
CNN

Story Highlights
Caretakers can struggle with demands on time, energy and patience
But they can also become overwhelmed if they're too empathetic
That can flood them with other person's pain, leaving them exhausted, angry
Meditate, keep a journal, keep in touch with outside and be unafraid to ask for help
By Tim Jarvis


(OPRAH.com) -- The next time someone dreams up a new superhero, she should be wielding a bedpan. And Kleenex. And playing cards and travel Scrabble.


Caregivers try to be empathetic but they run the risk of taking on the other's stress and depression.

As any of the more than 50 million Americans caring for an elderly, disabled, or chronically ill loved one knows, the task requires superhuman strength and patience -- and loads of compassion.

Given the constant demands on your time and energy -- for months or years on end -- as well as the stress and frustration involved, having large reserves of empathy is crucial.

Yet as strange as it sounds, all that empathy can backfire, flooding you with the other person's pain, and leaving you exhausted, angry, even unable to care anymore. No one likes to talk about these feelings; they seem selfish, shameful, indecent. They take a toll, however -- on both you and the patient. And they're a growing concern among physicians, who have a name for what's happening: compassion fatigue. Oprah.com: Caring for parents, keeping your sanity

"About 6 to 8 percent of physicians and nurses suffer compassion fatigue," says Michael Kearney, M.D., the lead author of a report on the subject published this year in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Unlike burnout, which is caused by everyday work stresses (dealing with insurance companies, making treatment choices), compassion fatigue results from taking on the emotional burden of a patient's agony.

In a way, it's similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, except that the stress is a reaction to the trauma of another. As with PTSD, symptoms include irritability, disturbed sleep, outbursts of anger, intrusive thoughts, and a desire to avoid anything having to do with the patient's struggle.
read more here
Compassion fatigue how to protect yourself