I don’t know why I do it, but would feel more comfortable if she would have done research or went (to therapy) with me. At least now I know this is something we are all doing. It doesn’t make it right, but I know other people do this.
This is the most frustrating thing of all. Getting through to the families the fact that how they react and act is either part of the healing or part of the hell. If they don't know what the veterans are going through, they actually make PTSD worse. Yet if they know where it is all coming from, they not only help the veteran heal, they help themselves heal.
I know because aside from everything else I do with PTSD, I've been married for over 25 years now and with my own veteran since 1982. The more I learned, the more I learned what I needed to stop doing. I learned to stop getting angry when he woke up in the middle of the night and to stop feeling dismissed when I wanted to talk but he was having a flashback. I learned to not force him to do things he just couldn't bring himself to do and I learned to forgive him when PTSD was at it's worse and he was mean to me and our daughter. I learned to see him with different eyes and then, eventually, he was able to see himself through my eyes. He finally understood that the "good man" he always was still lived inside of him under all the pain. He learned to forgive himself and then he started to heal.
We can either help them or hurt them but if we hurt them, we hurt our own families and our own futures. We wouldn't walk away if they had cancer but it is all so easy for so many to walk away when they have been wounded by PTSD.
Both sides of PTSD
By Terry Barnes, Special to Stars and Stripes
Scene, Sunday, April 25, 2010
Military spouses have been connecting on the Spouse Calls blog since it began three years ago. During that time, the most active discussions have been about post-traumatic stress disorder.
Most comments are from women seeking answers about a husband’s PTSD. Sometimes they are looking for advice or treatment options, but often these women just want to know they are not alone.
This month, for the first time, a veteran with PTSD posted an entry, revealing how the disorder looks from the inside. His questions were addressed by another blogger. Here is their exchange:
I was reading trying to figure out what I’m doing to my wife of 11 years, who is great.
I think I do all the things (other bloggers describe) except cheat or hit my wife. I have finally went to therapy but I think I am a little late because I have been hurtful. Same stuff: Saying it’s my money; wanting a divorce one day and wanting her the next; not interested in anything, including my kids’ functions.
I can zone out on the TV or computer and not talk to anyone, but if my friends come over, who I was deployed with, I feel comfortable and will become the old me.
I guess I thought (my wife) would care and want to help me, but I think I’ve hurt her so much she doesn’t care anymore and maybe doesn’t understand. She even told me I just want attention. I will try my best but it will bottle up until I explode into a three-year-old.
I don’t know why I do it, but would feel more comfortable if she would have done research or went (to therapy) with me. At least now I know this is something we are all doing. It doesn’t make it right, but I know other people do this.
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Both sides of PTSD
