Do you still have events being replayed in your mind?
Do you still zone out in a flashback, seeing it, feeling it, smelling it, hearing it?
Do you still have vivid nightmares as real as the events?
Do you suddenly get angry beyond appropriate levels?
Do you take things as a personal assault against you that really were not?
Do you feel paranoid, worry excessively, feel fearful doing normal things?
Do you avoid places where groups of people gather? Family gatherings? Restaurants? Movies? Shopping malls?
Do you react to being startled with overblown outbursts?
Do you still feel like a stranger in your own home, disconnected from everyone else?
Do you wonder why you no longer feel passion? Joy? Happiness?
Do you need a drink to calm your nerves down? Smoke pot to relax? Take something stronger so you don't have to feel anything?
All of these things and more are part of life after trauma. The key to wondering if these are just normal reactions to abnormal events or have become something more serious is how long they last.
If normal humans experience events that are not part of a "normal" daily life it is traumatic. How traumatic depends on the event. Even losing your job is traumatic and can be shocking. A car accident can cause you to drive differently, avoiding the same road, avoiding driving at the same time of day. Just as rape can cause you to repulse from being touched, robberies can leave you with the sense of being violated and losing trust, sometimes the trauma changes you.
Being affected by events is normal. It happens to all of us. No one is ever really the same afterwards. The key is what comes after.
Do the reactions you had fade with the passing of days?
Do you see yourself returning to the way you were before?
Do you begin to enjoy the same things you did before?
Do you begin to find the ability to trust again?
Do you sleep better?
Do the nightmares come less frequently?
Do they fade in intensity?
Do your nerves calm down on their own?
Do you look forward to family gatherings or events as you did before the traumatic event?
If you begin to feel like your old self, even slowly, you may not need additional help. If you find them not fading, you are not recovering, getting worse, feeling the negative emotions more intensely, you may need to be evaluated to see if there is a more serious condition.
We all need to remember that sometimes the trauma cuts so deeply, it takes a professional to help us heal. Would you avoid going to a doctor when you have an infection? No. Taking antibiotics and dressing the wound are known to be needed in that case. It's obvious that this kind of attention is necessary. So why can't you see the need to see a doctor when the wound is infecting your life?
If you are not beginning to heal on your own within 30 days after the traumatic event, then you need to seek help.
What if it happened a long time ago and it changed you? For Vietnam veterans who have known there has been something "wrong" with them but avoiding the cause of the change, it is not too late to seek help. Even with all these years, there is healing for you as well. You don't have to just live with it and face the rest of your life fighting off the ghosts of Vietnam. You are not a "crazy Nam vet" who twitches and talks to yourself. You are a normal human who lived through the abnormal events of combat in Vietnam.
Read about the aftermath of traumatic events that occur once in a person's life. See how they were changed just by one event. Then think of how many traumatic events you survived while deployed into Vietnam. Do you think you would be expected to just get over it if you lived through being shot at countless times during a year? Do you think you would be able to seeing someone you cared about killed in front of your eyes over and over again? Do you think that would happen if you saw bombs blow up people in front of you 2, 3, 4 times? Place what you witnessed during your deployment into "normal" life and then ask yourself if you could have walked away from any of it the same way you were before? Do you think you'd need help then?
That's the biggest problem when the traumatic event happens in combat. We all just assume it's part of the job, what you knew you were getting into and what you were trained to do. The problem is, no one trained you to heal from any of it. No one can be trained to stop being human. What you can do is stop the wound from cutting deeper and you can begin to heal with help.
Even for veterans like you, after all these years, you can begin to live a life again instead of just existing in a life. You can find joy again. You can find hope again. You can feel good feelings again and you can even sleep better at night. No one can cure you but they can help you recover your life. The sooner you seek treatment the better the results but even after all these years it is not too late.
My husband came home in 1971. He showed signs of PTSD but no one knew what it was until 1982 when we met. He was not diagnosed until 1990. He did not receive help from the VA until 1993 and his claim was not approved until 1999. That is when he received structured help on a continual basis. He became alive again instead of being miserable all the time. He went from being a stranger in our home to being my best friend again. No, he is not healed and will be on medication and in therapy for the rest of his life, but he is living that life again. Why suffer with it when you could live a life again?
If you think you have PTSD, it will do you no harm to be evaluated. The only thing you have to loose is the time it takes you go through the appointment if you do not have PTSD but it is more likely than not it is PTSD if the symptoms have lasted this long.
When you go to be evaluated, be totally honest. Do not try to hide what you are going through. Answer all the questions as if they are not personal honestly. Look inside yourself and know what the real answer is. Do not assume you need to answer yes to every question if it does not apply. If it does, then tell them but if it does not then tell them as well. They need to get a real look inside of you to determine the right treatment you need. They are not there to judge you. They are there to help you. Believe me, they've heard it all. You cannot shock them. If you do not trust the VA, as a lot of veterans do not, then go to a private doctor to be evaluated to determine what is going on inside of you. This will give you a better clue what to do next.
If you have been diagnosed with PTSD, then go to a service organization for help filing a claim. If you try to do it on your own, you are likely to not be able to provide everything you need to the first time. This will delay your claim being approved. Service officers know what you need and can help you file a claim. My husband used the Disabled American Veterans to help with the claim. Others have used the American Legion, Vietnam Veterans of America and Veterans of Foreign Wars. You can look up all these groups on online and their services are free.
You are not looking for anything that you would not need if you were not wounded for being a warrior. Your country asked much of you when they sent you and have an obligation to care for what resulted from it.
Senior Chaplain Kathie Costos
International Fellowship of Chaplains
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation."
- George Washington
