PTSD on Trial: Third wife of Iraq veteran sought justice

Life was like a 'horror film': Wife's tale of abuse puts tormented war veteran behind bars

Buffalo News
By Thomas J. Prohaska
March 24, 2019

Defense attorney Randy S. Margulis said Cody Tomaselli, a Texas native, joined the Army a few months after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. He spent 3½ years in Iraq and Germany and received the Army's Expert Combat Infantryman Badge. Margulis said his client suffers from severe PTSD, apparently stemming from his Army service, including infantry combat in the Iraq War's vicious Battle of Fallujah in 2004.

Cody Tomaselli joined the Army at 17, spent nearly four years in Iraq and Germany and had “dozens of kills” that left him with severe post-traumatic stress disorder.

But his claims that PTSD led him to three days of violence and threats against his wife last year did little to sway a judge to lessen his punishment. Tomaselli, 33, was sentenced last week to seven years in state prison for attempted kidnapping during a three-day ordeal that ended in the parking lot of a Niagara Falls elementary school.

Tomaselli is "dangerous and unstable," his wife, Nichole, said last week in Niagara County Integrated Domestic Violence Court.

"I'm asking for justice not only for myself but for the other women he was in relationships with," Nichole Tomaselli told State Supreme Court Justice John F. O'Donnell.

She is the third woman whose marriage to Iraq War veteran Cody Tomaselli allegedly ended in violence, but she's the first to see him convicted.

"It's my opinion that everyone who goes to war comes back with some form of PTSD," O'Donnell said. But he added that "millions of veterans" don't commit the crimes that Tomaselli did.

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He is 100% disabled and was going to the VA. So how is it that he did not get enough help to keep three of his wives safe from his rage?

If you are not wondering how they go from putting their own lives on the line to save others...into abusing people they love, then you are missing the point. PTSD is on trial and so are we!

Veterans Court, A second chance for vets

A second chance for vets
New program: County Veterans Court helps those in trouble with PTSD
CHRISTIAN HILL; The Olympian • Published July 26, 2009


A former Army Ranger, he served a combined 18 months in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq, and lost his best friend in an attack.


Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, Harrington, 26, couldn’t hold down any one of a series of eight jobs. Always on edge, he’d binge drink to get a good night’s sleep; otherwise, he’d be up for days. He fired three therapists after exploding in anger when they wanted him to talk about experiences he had locked deep inside.


A man who served and lived by the motto “Rangers lead the way,” Harrington had lost his way in civilian life.


“I thought I was invincible, and I can’t hold a (expletive) job,” said Harrington, who left the Army more than four years ago.


In April 2008, he hit his wife. A neighbor called police, and Harrington was arrested and charged with fourth-degree assault. She has since left him.


Harrington will not be locked up as a result of a new Thurston County program that convened for the first time last week.


Thurston County Veterans Court offers a second chance to current and retired service members who commit crimes while struggling with war-related psychological wounds, notably PTSD and traumatic brain injuries. Buffalo, N.Y., started the first such court last year, and numerous communities have followed in its footsteps.
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A second chance for vets

When it comes to PTSD, how many times can Congress get it wrong?

If they understood why a lot of the domestic violence issues even begin, they would know this is not the answer. While Veterans' Courts are wonderful, it's awareness that is the real answer.

Take a PTSD vet with a wife and neither of them having a clue what it is. Toss in a flashback and a screaming wife in arms distance. You have a domestic violence case waiting to happen. Take a PTSD veteran in the middle of a nightmare and a wife, yet again, not having a clue what PTSD is, yet again in striking distance, yet again an angry wife tired of being woken up in the middle of the night, and yet again, you have a domestic violence case that did not need to happen. Congress can do whatever they want but unless and until they actually know what needs to be done, none of it will work and may in fact do more harm than good. This is an attempt to provide the support needed but they need to fund the original problem before they can try to fix it.

Domestic abuse bill brings men's rights to light
Filed Under: Civil Rights, General Assembly, Local Government, State Government
Topics: Beth McCann, John Morse

February 5, 2009
Face the State Staff Report

A bill proposing to increase fees in order to support domestic violence service agencies was heard Wednesday in the Senate Judiciary Committee. If passed, the bill would designate a percentage of funds specifically for organizations that provide domestic abuse services for military members and veterans.

Senate bill 68, sponsored by Sen. John Morse, D-Colorado Springs, and Rep. Beth McCann, D-Denver, seeks a fee increase on all applications for marriage or divorce. The bill specifies a percentage of the money collected would fund domestic abuse services provided by nongovernmental agencies or units of local government and specifically designates a percentage of the money to organizations that provide domestic abuse services to military families.

The bill's language regarding funding for military domestic abuse organizations was a source of dispute. Frequently soldiers returning from war are diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, and as a result have abusive tendencies that may not have existed previous to their service.

"It is a disgrace to incarcerate more of our veterans for injuries sustained defending our country," testified military veteran and practicing psychotherapist Victor Alvarez. "Expanding these laws is not working. We're simply wasting time. If you really want to fix the problem, get people in counseling. We can't just continue to single out the accused perpetrators."

Opponents of the bill voiced concerns the current funding for domestic abuse services has done little to prevent abuse. Many of the men who testified also thought the proposed legislation would promote a misconception that men cannot be victims of abuse.

According to Dr. Charles Corry, president of the Equal Justice Foundation, domestic violence cases have nearly doubled over the last decade, meanwhile the state's population has grown by just 23 percent during this same time period. Corry maintains this disproportionate increase proves current funding is not being used effectively. click link for more

Military Spouse, do you want to save your marriage?

by Chaplain Kathie

Well do you? When my generation was welcoming home the veterans of Vietnam, we had an excuse. No one knew what PTSD was. No one had the opportunity to find the information you now have available. We didn't know what caused the roller-coaster ride of emotions, angry outbursts, sudden silence, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, "patrolling the perimeter" checking all the doors and windows in a nightly ritual, jumping out of their skin with the sound of something dropping or freak out with fireworks. Never mind what the sound of a helicopter did. We had an excuse to walk away from our marriages because of all that and the self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. After all, we're just as human as everyone else and we want a happy life with the person we fell in love with. When they come home with PTSD it's like looking into the eyes of a stranger.

The problem is, with this generation it's not lack of resources, it's lack of will. Let me tell you something. I've been doing this for 26 years and I would have given anything to have the kind of information all of you have now. I had to hunt for it before there were computers in every home and my butt still hurts from the library seats. I didn't have people from all over the country reaching back to me and offering support. You all have it and much more than I ever dreamt of but do you use it? Do you attend any of the presentations about PTSD, join the groups or research it? No. I can't count how many times I've heard "I have enough to worry about" because you don't want to think about what they can come home with. That leaves you totally unprepared to save your marriage, help your spouse and your kids adapt to what could have become what I have. I have a marriage that has lasted 24 years for several reasons. First, I adored my husband when PTSD was mild. He was my best friend. The bond was there when he got worse. I knew what PTSD was and that gave me what I needed to get up one day after another ready to make it from one second to the other. I also had a tremendous amount of faith and was able to hang onto hope and be able to keep forgiving instead of hanging onto the pain.

If you still don't want to know what PTSD is and what you can do to keep your marriage together, then you don't deserve them. If you can walk away without doing everything you can to understand them and help them, then you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Then you can face your kids and tell them that their other parent changed because they got sick and you turned your back on them "because they were too hard to live with" and explain to them why it was that you raised your kids when they were hard to live with but didn't walk away from them.

Now, I'm not saying that every marriage can be saved and frankly there are some that are beyond help. There have been some very dangerous situations when they come home and they are a danger to others. In those cases, there is the need to be safe first. I still want those families to know what PTSD is so they can explain it to their children and help them understand it had nothing to do with them. Help them find compassion and forgiveness for their sake. It will also help you to forgive yourself because you will know it wasn't your fault either.

If you love them then invest the time in understanding them. Avoiding the knowledge leads to very unhappy endings.

Senior Chaplain Kathie "Costos" DiCesare
International Fellowship of Chaplains
Namguardianangel@aol.com
http://www.namguardianangel.org/
http://www.woundedtimes.blogspot.com/
www.youtube.com/NamGuardianAngel
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington

Divorces rise among military couples
USA Today - USA
By Gregg Zoroya, USA TODAY
WASHINGTON — Enlisted soldiers and Marines divorced their spouses at a higher rate in fiscal 2008 than at any time in at least 16 years, according to Pentagon data released Tuesday.
Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has warned that stress among military families remains intense after years of multiple combat deployments and lengthy separations.

Many soldiers saw their combat tours extended to 15 months in 2008; many of them returned for only about a year at home before facing another deployment. The strain has also been reflected in a record number of suicides in the Army, which military doctors blame largely on relationships damaged by lengthy deployments.

Mental health problems, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder and depression, are also occurring in greater numbers, according to Pentagon data. Army and Marine forces have been involved in more combat in Iraq and Afghanistan than other services branches.

About 4% of married enlisted troops in both the Army and Marines, or 8,842 GIs and 2,842 Marines, obtained divorces during fiscal 2008, the numbers show.
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PTSD veterans 2-3 times more likely to be involved with domestic violence

PTSD ups veterans' domestic violence risk
Published: Nov. 11, 2008
ST. LOUIS, Nov. 11 (UPI) -- An increasing number of veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder means an increased risk of domestic violence, U.S. researchers said.

Monica Matthieu, an expert on veterans' mental health, and Peter Hovmand, domestic violence expert, both at Washington University in St. Louis, are merging their research interests to design community prevention strategies to address what they say is an emerging public health problem.

"Treatments for domestic violence are very different than those for PTSD," Matthieu said in a statement. "The Department of Veterans Affairs has mental health services and treatments for PTSD, yet these services need to be combined with the specialized domestic violence intervention programs offered by community agencies for those veterans engaging in battering behavior against intimate partners and families."

Research in the Veterans Administration shows that male veterans with PTSD are two to three times more likely than veterans without PTSD to engage in intimate partner violence, and more likely to be involved in the legal system, Matthieu said.

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http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2008/11/11
/PTSD_ups_veterans_domestic_violence_risk/UPI-54681226384157/

I've posted about this many times. This was the last post I did on it and it is important to understand.
Thursday, November 6, 2008

PTSD:When domestic violence is not what you think
I've written often about this issue. When it comes to PTSD and domestic violence, sometimes, it isn't what you think.

Are there combat veterans who commit domestic violence without PTSD being involved? Absolutely. We forget that the men and women who serve are just like the rest of us.There are many cases where abuse and domestic violence have the contributing factor of PTSD. This is not blame the victim but without knowing what PTSD is and what it does to some people, all too often the reaction of family members contributes to the escalation of angry situations.

click the link for more of this so you can understand there is a difference and it does not have to happen to anyone.