Finding forgiveness after war

Over the years many veterans come to mind when I read something like this. One Marine stands out in my thoughts right now. I was at the Orlando VA with my husband waiting outside with the smokers for his appointment to be over. I sat with a couple of young Marines as they struggled to fill out paper work. One of the Marines broke down while we were talking. I took his hands in mine and asked him if he wanted to talk. Tears flowed more.

He kept repeating "I'm a Marine" as he apologized for crying and then told me he wasn't supposed to cry, that I didn't understand, he was a Marine and Marines don't cry. I asked him if he was ever told he was no longer human by the Marines. We talked some more and he told me that he just didn't train his brain as well as he was supposed to. He was supposed to be able to take it all. Then it came out he had BattleMind training and thought it was his fault he didn't train his brain enough to prevent it. I help him in my arms as I prayed for him and we talked some more.

"Many of the troops kill themselves because they feel that those kinds of experiences have made them unforgivable," said Dr. William Nash, a top PTSD researcher. "It's a lot harder for most people to forgive themselves than to forgive others."

He couldn't forgive himself for what he had to do anymore than he could forgive himself for not preventing PTSD. I told him that it took more courage for him to be carrying that kind of pain while he was in Iraq, still doing his duty, still watching over his brothers, still being there when he was needed and putting others first while his soul was so wounded. It was not until he was not needed to save their lives and back home that he allowed himself to feel the pain.

God sees it all. He knows what is in the heart of the warrior and what the intent was. He knows that the parts of the human mind go to war with each other as they struggle between what the think is right and what they believe in against what ends up causing in the process. They believe in fighting for their country and for their brothers, but they end up having to do horrible things just as they have to witness horrible things being done. They wonder where God was when man is capable of such acts and innocent people die, just as they wonder why they lived but their friends did not or why the enemy put innocent civilians into the violence instead of protecting them from it.

They may be reminded that Christ Himself forgave the people who nailed Him to the cross and there is nothing they cannot be forgiven for, but the hardest part is to get them to forgive themselves. They can no longer see what was in their hearts (soul) before the horrors of war invaded it. It was not their intent to kill as many people as possible as much as it was to be there for their friends and to do what the nation asked of them. Yet after they only remember the evil they participated in or witnessed. They take on that evil in their souls and it haunts them.

Even when they believe God has forgiven them, they still have to struggle to find forgiveness for themselves. This is nearly impossible for those who still do not know what PTSD is or what caused it to enter into them.

We will see so much more suicides and attempted suicides until they get the message that it is not their fault, they are not guilty beyond forgiveness and PTSD is not the judgement of God against them.
Psalm 4

1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame

4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 6
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

Psalm 7
8 let the LORD judge the peoples.
Judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness,
according to my integrity, O Most High.

10 My shield is God Most High,
who saves the upright in heart.

This is what Combat PTSD is all about. They can try to wish it away, but the truth is, it has entered into the souls of those we send to fight. It comes into the souls of the courageously compassionate, willing to die to save someone else because they care so much. PTSD only comes from a traumatic event and is not born in the mind as much as it invades it. Once they understand it, they can begin to heal.

Reading the Bible, it is not about one religion over another, but is a historical account of what we now call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We tend to push out of our memories exactly what war was like in ancient times and how many of the heroes of the Bible were in fact warriors and commanders as well as kings. They had great faith but even with that spiritual connection, they struggled with finding forgiveness for what they had to do. The Bible is full of these accounts and many of the Psalms show just how deeply that wound cut into their soul.

Last year, 52 Marines took their lives. Thirty-six of those troops had seen combat, and 11 of the self-inflicted deaths took place in Iraq and Afghanistan, Driver said.

MILITARY:
Suicide rate confounding Marine Corps
'We have to get to the solution,' a top general says

Story Discussion By MARK WALKER


A steady rise in suicides is confounding Marine Corps commanders, despite years of efforts to assure troops their careers won't suffer for seeking mental health counseling, a top general said Tuesday.

"We have to get to the solution," said Lt. Gen. Richard Zilmer, deputy commandant for manpower and reserve affairs, during a three-day conference on combat stress at the Town & County Resort and Convention Center in San Diego.

"We are at the point where we need to take action. It won't get any better with the status quo."

The Marine Corps' suicide rate has reached 24 per 100,000, a rate that surpasses all the other services. The rate was 13 per 100,000 in 2006. The latest available figures put the civilian suicide rate at 20 per 100,000.

So far this year, 14 Marines have killed themselves, including seven with combat experience. An additional 72 attempted suicides were recorded in the first four months of the year, according to Bryan Driver, a spokesman in the Personal and Family Readiness Division.
click link above for more

They stop seeing themselves as noble individuals willing to risk their lives for others and start to see themselves as evil abandoned by God and thus the haunting of their souls is judgment from God. They begin to believe they are guilty instead of being heroic. They forget the sounds of appreciation coming from crowds and begin to hear the sounds of battle as battle becomes them.

As soon as the military understands this, they will then begin to be able to help them heal and what they will have after are stronger, braver, soulfully fortified military men and women still willing to die for the sake of others.

PTSD Is Not God's Judgment but is it your's

I've made a lot of videos on PTSD, but this video shocked me after. While it was intended for combat veterans after listening to them all these years, it has been used to help police officers and firefighters. It came after many arguments with myself and what I believed God wanted me to do. I kept finding reasons to not make it.

One of the veterans I had been trying to help had emailed me one morning. When I responded to his comment about God forgiving him, I knew I had to do the video.

What I have to deal with now is the fact I had to stop trying to help someone that had become a friend. He was at the angry stage, pushing me away and not listening. The fight had gone out of him and he was blaming everyone. Not that I can blame him. He lost everything. He couldn't get his claim approved. He couldn't get into treatment because he couldn't get his claim approved. Although it was a legitimate claim, he just couldn't get it approved.

He was involved in this

Capture and Release of SS Mayaguez by Kmer Rouge forces in M...
Mariner Heroes from Military Sealift Command ship participate in rescue attempt of SS Mayaguez which was caputured by Kmer Rouge Cambodia forces.

This happened in May of 1975, while most people in this country simply assume the deaths due to Vietnam stopped in 1973. If you look at the Vietnam Memorial, you'll see the year 1975. Before this veteran contacted me, I thought the last two Marines had died in April of 1975. Even I didn't remember this.

When the veteran sought help, some people didn't believe him. Some said he was not a real veteran because, after all, it ended in 1973.

I tried to send him help, help I knew I could not give him but he had become unable to trust anyone. It was not his fault. He had been conditioned to not being able to trust other people. Most of us reach a point in our lives when we get our hopes up that someone will finally help us, then break down when we discover people are really great at promising things they never do. It's almost as if once the conversation ends, they never think of us again. (It happens to me all the time.) Well, he was left with a boat load of crashed hopes and buckets filled with excuses. The fight had gone out of him.

The stress I was under was added to by my frustration with myself. No matter what I did or how many people I contacted, no one could help him. I was having nightmares about my failures and crying way too much. It was affecting everything else I did. I knew I could do no more for him and had to force him to fight for himself. While I still hold him in my heart and pray for him, we have not been in contact for months. I have no idea what happened to him and that breaks my heart all over again. I just couldn't go on failing him.

There is only so much I can do. My end of all of this is to provide education of what PTSD is and offer what little support I can give. I cannot diagnose or treat them beyond my own abilities and sometimes the veterans come to me expecting a lot more than I can give. There was something about this veteran that I broke my own rules about getting attached and I contacted everyone I knew to help him because I knew it was beyond what I could do. That's the most frustrating thing about all of this for anyone trying to help.

If the VA would honor the claims when they are presented since the vast majority of them are legitimate ones, it would go a long way of saving the veterans lives, their families and actually proving this country is grateful for their service by accepting responsibility for the wounds they carry.

While the veteran I was trying to help wanted to give up in less than a year of fighting, he didn't want to hear that we had to fight to have my husband's claim approved for six years. One of my husband's friends took 19 years. No one wants to hear that someday the claim will be approved when they are suffering and trying to survive. While it may be wonderful to see a really large check for the years of fighting to have a claim approved, it is torture between the time help is sought and when it is finally delivered. I know too many people still trying to have claims approved years and years after the claim was filed. It's also one of the biggest reasons I get so frustrated when people leave comments about "the veteran has to prove the claim" because most of the time they have and yet they are still turned down.

How can anyone go thru all of this and not believe that God has abandoned them and they are suffering because of His anger? After years of hearing preachers spout out about how God's wrath seeks vengeance, they believe that is why they are suffering. They cannot understand that God has mercy but people are jerks at times. Things get twisted up in the minds of humans and they begin to feel hopeless. Removing hope from someone is taking draining what is good in them out of them. It adds to the suffering.

If they understand that God has not abandoned them or condemned them, it returns hope to their spirit and that goes a long way in healing them.

Anyway, that's what was behind this video. I ended up getting an award for the videos from the IFOC and this was the one most people talked about.

At this time of year when we are celebrating the birth of Christ and the miracle of love, feeling charitable and thinking of other people instead of ourselves, I thought it was a great time to remind people that all is not lost and we are not alone in this world no matter how much we feel as if we are. When bad things happen, God has sent people into this world to help and show His love thru them. Is He talking to you right now? Is He trying to get you to help the veterans? Is he talking to you and trying to get you to heal your own marriage, reach out to a family member you abandoned because you didn't understand what was wrong with them or why they came home differently? Then answer Him and help by doing, not wishing, hoping or talking. If you do not do it with actions now, you will forget about wanting to help before this day is done.


from http://www.namguardianangel.com/

PTSD Is Not God's Judgment

by Chaplain Kathie

Sometimes doing the right thing comes with a price. When it comes to the men and women serving in the military and National Guards, that price is paid when they begin to serve, away from family and friends, and all too often, continues to be paid long after they are safely back home.

Humans tend to twist things up trying to make sense of our lives. Our brains will not allow the obvious to remove doubts. Heroes are born into this world with a mission deeply ingrained in their souls. Some are sent to minister to others and take care of strangers. They enter into fields of service. Doctors, nurses, emergency responders, councilors, firefighters and National Guards. Others are sent to protect their countrymen. Law enforcement from police and sheriff departments, intelligence services like the FBI and the military. All ready to lay down their lives for the sake of others.

Laying down your life does not always mean your physical life. Sometimes it means your personal life. The things you would rather be doing when you are torn between duty and want. Setting aside times of enjoyment for times of service because someone needs you.

When it comes to those serving in the military and National Guards, they are asked not only to defend, but to attack. They see horrific events unfold before their eyes, friends die, strangers die and wounds suffered by survivors. Then they question everything after. Why were they there? Why did they have to do what they did? What they could have done to have saved a friend? Did God judge them for what they did or did not do? Did God abandon them?

When they begin to suffer from the events in the form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they do not allow the fact that the basis of their service was answering a noble calling. Even when they were drafted into the military, they see only the horrors of war and not the purpose for which they were there.

Ever since the beginning of time, God's will to provide mankind with freewill, has required those who would defend the weaker. Before He created man, God created a warrior angel, the Archangel Michael. He is always depicted with a sword in one hand and scales in the other to show the balance between war and protection.

Reading the passages of the Bible you can clearly see the affects following war on the warrior. Page after page shows how the war changed the warrior from King David to Judges and Kings. Historical accounts of warriors from all nations and generations have shown the war lingers in the minds and souls of the humans participating in it. While we here in America glorify the Revolutionary war, we tend to ignore many of Patriots suffered from it.

We cannot judge those believing they need to be forgiven for what they had to do. In those cases, we need only point to an event in the Bible itself. It was during Christ's walk upon the earth. Given the fact Christ knew how His life would end and by whose hands, a Roman Centurion approached Christ and begged Him to heal his beloved servant. Christ not only knew this man would be part of the occupiers to nail Him to the cross, He also knew that this Centurion prayed to pagan gods. He was not a believer in His Father. Yet Christ saw into his heart and the love he had for a servant. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Christ did not ask the Centurion to convert or to follow Him.

Christ did not ask him to renounce his position of power among the Romans. Christ simply honored the Centurion's plea. If Christ could find compassion for someone like this Centurion knowing what he had done and what he would do, how can anyone not understand that Christ can see into the hearts and souls of all warriors?

We end up wondering how God can forgive us for what we do instead of wondering if we can forgive ourselves. To understand the kind of love God has for all of His children, no matter what faith they claim, is beyond our ability to understand. We know how we judge others and that prevents us from understanding that God can see inside of us and not just what we do or hear what we say. He takes it all into account.

When warriors leave the battle, they take it all with them. What is pushed into the backs of their minds is the basis of why they were there. What was in their hearts when they joined? What was in their minds pushing them? Was it evil intent or was it noble? Was it to protect and help or was it to kill and destroy? Even if it was for this reason, they fail to see that God can forgive them and heal them. He can turn around all they have done in order to help others if they are willing.

PTSD is not a judgment from God but the result of traumatic events. God does not cause war. Man does. Still God knows there needs to be defenders to protect others. I believe that is why God has called some to do this and enabled them with the courage to provide defense.

We've all heard the expression "God only gives us what we can handle" or words similar, but this thought it wrong. It implies God sends terrible things into our lives instead of God providing us with what we need to get thru it. When we believe God has sent these events into our lives or sent us into them, we then believe that what comes after is God's judgment of us. If we pay with our troubled minds not letting go of what we endured, it is as if God sent ghosts to remind us of it all. It is the human mind wounded by traumatic events because of how God created us. The same ability we have to inspire us to care about others, also wounds us.

We've heard the expression "survivors guilt" and when we are left standing when others did not, when we survive what killed others, when we see what we did not suffer, we feel guilty over it. We judge ourselves unworthy.

The video I created PTSD Not God's Judgment is about this. The song I selected is You Raise Me Up because the words have more meaning to the purpose of this video than any other song I could find.

You Raise Me Up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

We need to remember that the warriors suffering from PTSD need to be treated as they are with all they come with. Their minds, their bodies as well as their souls. Reconnecting them to the faith they had or to the spiritual tugging they had, is just as important as addressing their psychological condition. It will not matter how much medication they take or how much they talk about what they endured if they still believe their suffering has come from God. If they believe they have been condemned and judged, no amount of therapy will heal them. While therapy and medication will alleviate some of their symptoms, spiritual counseling will do deeper healing and miracles follow.

There have been cases when Vietnam veterans have reconnected with children and children have forgiven their parents for the way they acted while PTSD was taken over their lives. Understanding what PTSD is and what it is not has healed, not just the veteran, but the entire family.

Click the video above on the picture of the soldier holding another solider in his arms.(On my web site at above link or on the side bar of this blog) This is the video link to PTSD Not God's Judgment. We need to hold all of them in our arms and help them to heal but we can't unless and until we understand how deeply this wound goes and all that goes with it.

In between now and then, we need to do what we can to help them. After all, someone has to.


"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation."

- George Washington