2020 time for veterans to stop trying to be normal when they can be stronger than that

Seeing 2020 through stronger eyes

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 31, 2019

When you hear a number like 20/20, the automatic thought is that someone has perfect vision. After all, that number stuck like glue for decades. Numbers usually do "stick" even if they are wrong.


I took a look at the facts on this at All About Vision by Amy Hellem and Gary Heiting, OD and this was a real eye opener. (pun intended)

If this more inclusive (and accurate) definition of "vision" is used, what most people call "20/20 vision" should really be called "20/20 visual acuity." Realistically, that probably won't happen. For better or worse, the term "20/20 vision" is likely here to stay.

As some have thought that 20/20 was the best, it is actually stronger to have 20/10.

On most Snellen charts, the smallest letters correspond to 20/10 visual acuity. If you have 20/10 visual acuity, your eyesight is twice as sharp as that of a person with normal (20/20) vision.

20/20 may be "normal" but 20/10 is stronger than normal.

Most people have also heard the number "22" referring to the number of veterans thought to have committed suicide on any given day. That number is also wrong. Because so many people simply believed it without looking to see what the reality was, nothing changed. Much like the article on All About Vision, they are blind if that is all they can see.

The single big "E" at the top of most Snellen eye charts corresponds to 20/200 visual acuity. If this is the smallest letter size you can discern with your best corrective lenses in front of your eyes, you are legally blind.

It is time to see how to change what veterans hear, as well as what they can see.

They can heal PTSD if how they see themselves is put into focus!

This video is from 2016 when a veteran I worked with, was willing to do the work necessary to heal. He went to the VA for mental health help, started taking care of his body and we worked on the spiritual needs he had. He was able to see himself as a survivor instead of a victim. The world is better off because he came out of the darkness he had lived with and wanted to share a message of hope to start off the new year!

This is Johnnie. He has survived three attempted suicides and spent time as a homeless veteran. A year ago, he never thought he would be where he is today. He is healing and he wants to make sure other veterans get the message of something worth living for instead of the message spread about suicides. Spend next year healing and let this New Year be the year you begin to change again, only this time, for the better!

That is how you get veterans to change their focus from what others perceive as "normal numbers" and begin to see what is much stronger than that.

Help them to see that they can spend their last worst day on earth and begin to celebrate an alive day by finding hope again.

Coming home after combat should not be more dangerous but it is. Too many veterans committed suicide today. Be alive today to heal tomorrow. You served because you loved this country and those you served with. Live for love now!
UPDATE
This was uploaded on 1-2-2012, long before the reports became headline news. The number back then was 18 a day. Goes to show how little has changed and how all the talk about "raising awareness" has been a lot of stunts and very little progress.

Clearing the way to #TakeBackYourLife 2019

Tomorrow is a new beginning

After spending time back home with family and friends for Christmas, you'd think I would be in a good mood. 

The truth is, I miss them. I miss our daughter and the family I still have left.

It is hard to think about all the members of my family who passed away. While it was great to remember all the family gatherings, it was also a sad time for me.

Now, I can sit here and focus on what I have lost, which in a way is healing. But I will only let it last just so long, then with the New Year, I will focus on what I have to be thankful for.

There will be a special post tomorrow sharing all the great stories that happened this year. Stories of veterans, police officers and firefighters, proving once and for all, that there is no shame in needing help because of their jobs. After all, it is their job to help others, and that should include them.

Anyway, I am getting off line to spend time with my husband, who has been my guardian in all that I do everyday. So, lets start 2019 on a happy note and share some good news for A CHANGE since all of us really need to be reminded of what is working!

How Will This Year End for Veterans?

How Will 2017 End?

Combat PTSD Wounded Times

Kathie Costos

January 1, 2017

It may sound like a strange question on this first day of the New Year, but considering how last year ended, it is a reasonable question to ask. There are many uncertainties in life. Instead of recapping a year that has already happened, I am wondering what we will allow to happen this year.

Yesterday ended the year for me with going to my mailbox and finding gifts from my friend Vietnam veteran Gunny. He sent me a patch with my new road name for Semper Fidelis America, "Know Buddy" along with a memorial cross that says "I wear this cross for those who can't."

Then I filmed another friend, Jonnie, a Marine veteran, delivering an inspiring message about living with PTSD and healing so that this New Year could end differently than it ended for too many veterans.

This morning I went to Oviedo Presbyterian Church to listen to my friend, Rev. Karen Estes preach. As always, listening to her, witnessing her love of God and passion, I cried. She told the story of Artaban the 4th Magi arriving late in Bethlehem.

The story is an addition and expansion of the account of the Biblical Magi, recounted in the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament. It tells about a "fourth" wise man (accepting the tradition that the Magi numbered three), a priest of the Magi named Artaban, one of the Medes from Persia. Like the other Magi, he sees signs in the heavens proclaiming that a King had been born among the Jews. Like them, he sets out to see the newborn ruler, carrying treasures to give as gifts to the child - a sapphire, a ruby, and a "pearl of great price". However, he stops along the way to help a dying man, which makes him late to meet with the caravan of the other three wise men. Because he missed the caravan, and he can't cross the desert with only a horse, he is forced to sell one of his treasures in order to buy the camels and supplies necessary for the trip. He then commences his journey but arrives in Bethlehem too late to see the child, whose parents have fled to Egypt. He saves the life of a child at the price of another of his treasures.

And with the last jewel, he used it to help a woman being sold as a slave in order to pay the debt of her father. While some may look at the story and think about the horrors that happened that dark day when innocent babies were slaughtered, in the midst of all that evil, there were also witnesses to love when one of the many gave his gifts intended for God to help people in need.

As Christians, Rev. Estes reminded us, we are called, to not just witness love, but to respond with love and courage when we see evil, suffering and injustice around us. That is what Christ not only preached but by what He ended His life on earth with. He asked for His Father to forgive those who nailed Him to the Cross along with those who had abandoned Him.

Did you know that soldiers witnessed love in the midst of war? It happens all the time, no matter if they acknowledge it or not. The original idea to join the military came from a deep desire to serve even though they knew the hardships they would encounter. Even though they knew they would have to leave their families to risk their lives with strangers they would call "brother" bonded together by a love so deep they were willing to sacrifice themselves for. Even though they knew that should they come home wounded or scared by slashes to their soul, they were willing. They were willing, even though for decades, witnesses to their suffering without the care they were promised by the government deciding they needed to fight the battles failed to fulfill the promise to take care of them.

Yet they had reached out their hand to help, shed tears for those who had fallen and prayed for those wounded. No matter how much evil in battle they had to participate in, at the end of the day, had the enemy forces laid down their arms, they would have welcomed the end of battle. It was not motivated by evil they risked everything. It was motivated by a courageous love that had no limits.

We, as witnesses to that love, have not stood up against the injustice they face. 

We allow them to fight our nations battles and then fight the nation that sent them to war to have their wounds tended to. 

We allow folks to run around the country talking about how they die by their own hands yet never once utter the words of why they should live after surviving war.

We allow the Congress to avoid their responsibility in all of this when they do have jurisdiction over what the VA does or fails to do. If the VA fails to take care of veterans, the failure falls in the lap of members of Congress, yet it is us, allowing this to continue for decades, because we failed to hold the overseers accountable.

I have witnessed this all my life when my Dad had to fight for what he needed after his service and then, when my husband had to fight for what he needed. I have witnessed this with the over 27,000 posts on this site, countless emails and phone calls over the years, as more and more suffer from our silence.

I have witnessed miracles, great and small as much as I have witnessed innocent lives being destroyed by power-hungry, greedy men, not caring about who has to pay the price as long as they get what they want.

I have witnessed this in the veterans community as more and more wonder what good do push-ups do them as they are pushed away from families? What good does it do any of them for some to take walks when everyone they knew has walked away from them? What good does it do them to pray for hope when they are told that "God only gives us what we can handle" as if God did it to them?

No my friends, I am not the one they need. I've already proven that when after over 3 decades I am still screaming in this empty room with walls full of "accomplishments" yet the results are far worse than even I imaged they would ever become.

I have witnessed unlimited love when folks like Jonnie pushing past his own pain, his own reluctance to speak of this heartache he carries because others do not know the other cross he carries is that of hope and miracles of love that also showed up when he needed them the most.

I have witnessed veterans doing as Artaban did, giving all they had intended for God to be used in God's name because someone needed them. They are by "brothers" in Point Man International Ministries running around the country offering hope, showing veterans how to heal and then standing by their side when everyone else has walked away from them.

I have witnessed veterans on the brink of ending their battle, heal and then reach back to help other veterans out of their own darkness by shining their light.

Last year began with this,

PTSD New Year Take A Cup of Kindness Yet

So here's to a hopeful New Year when you understand PTSD does not mean you are weak but came from the strength of your core, just feeling things more than others. Know that you changed because of what you survived and as a survivor, you can change again to live a happier life.
May 2016 be the year when you remember the past without the bitterness and taste the kindness that is within your power.

French Soldiers Guarding Mosque Targeted by Driver

Man runs his car into soldiers guarding French mosque, injured when soldier fires on him
Associated Press
by Elaine Ganley
Posted Jan 1, 2016

“Even if this happened near a mosque, the target was the soldiers,” Mayor Daragon

PARIS – A man rammed his car into four soldiers guarding a mosque on Friday in the southeast French city of Valence, but was stopped when a soldier fired and wounded him, authorities said.

His motives were unclear, but with France on high alert after the co-ordinated attacks in Paris on Nov. 13, determining what, or who, was behind the attack carried a sense of urgency.

One soldier was slightly injured in the leg, and a passerby was hit in the leg by a stray bullet, the interior and defence ministers said in a joint statement.
read more here

PTSD New Year Take A Cup of Kindness Yet

Take a deep draught of good-will
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 1, 2016


There are many things we know the beginning to, yet somehow forget about the ending. We heard a lot of things leading up to the ending of 2015 but while folks joined arms singing across the world, most didn't know how the song ended.

And there's a hand, my trusty friend!

And give us a hand of yours!

And we'll take a deep draught of good-will

For long, long ago.

Those words come at the end of Auld Lang Syne.

At midnight the first part of the song was sung with hopeful thoughts for a better year to come.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my jo,

For auld lang syne,

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne,

And there can be a cup of kindness filled in each of our lives if we remember the past with peace. Understanding there is nothing that done that can be undone, words said that cannot be unsaid. Yet from this moment onward we can change how what "was" affects what "is" and what we can become.

Everything in our lives goes with us but it is up to us make peace with ourselves as much as we know we should strive for it with others.

So here's to a hopeful New Year when you understand PTSD does not mean you are weak but came from the strength of your core, just feeling things more than others. Know that you changed because of what you survived and as a survivor, you can change again to live a happier life.

May 2016 be the year when you remember the past without the bitterness and taste the kindness that is within your power.

The History and Words of Auld Lang Syne
In sentimental American movies, Robert Burns' Auld Lang Syne is sung by crowds at the big New Year finale. In Bangkok and Beijing it is so ubiquitous as a song of togetherness and sad farewells, they presume it must be an old Thai or Chinese folk song; while in France it is the song which eases the pain of parting with the hope that we will all see each other again - Oui, nous nous reverrons, mes frères, ce n'est qu'un au revoir. Auld Lang Syne is one of Scotland's gifts to the world, recalling the love and kindness of days gone by, but in the communion of taking our neighbours' hands, it also gives us a sense of belonging and fellowship to take into the future.

Let this new year be the beginning of hope of healing PTSD

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 1, 2015

All last night I thought about how I wanted to start out this new year on Wounded Times. It ended with the post about 12 veterans gone to suicide in six hours. I hoped it would get people to think about what far too many are not talking about. When the "22 a day" is repeated as the number of veterans committing suicide every day, no one seems to want to talk about how it is the average of 21 states.

The trouble with the report is state after state are reporting veteran suicides are double the civilian population rates. Then we also have the ones no one talks about at all. Vehicle crashes, overdoses and as homeless veterans left alone. We don't even talk about veterans facing off with police officers after they lost so much hope they were prepared for police officers to end it.

No one wants to talk about how Congress has been passing bills sold as "suicide prevention" since at least 2007 but have managed to leave the numbers higher than before they did nothing.

That's the bad news.

The good news is out there and more veterans are making it out of the valley of absence of hope and helping others up too.

It is hard to have PTSD but harder when you think you're all alone. When you think no one understands then you can't really think beyond the pain. How can you find hope if you can't see any evidence of it? But when you see others who have been there and done that, been through the worst of it and made it out to live happier lives, that is all the evidence you need that you can get there too.

A U.S. soldier helps a fellow soldier onto the rooftop of an old, destroyed building to provide overwatch for another element of their patrol in the Panjwa’i district, Afghanistan, Jan. 29, 2013. U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Kimberly Hackbarth

Being able to look at the others unashamed of having PTSD is priceless. That is why peer support is vital, not just for veterans but for families as well.

Your family members love you but they can't understand what is happening to you or what they can do to help you. It is hard to live with what you're going through because they end up blaming themselves as if they made you feel so sad. We think that love is all that we need to cure you and see you happy living with us. Then for wives, we think you just don't love us anymore.

I know because that is the way I felt in the beginning. I'd look in the mirror and think I lost my husband's love because of a thousand reasons. The worst part was that as his PTSD got worse, I already knew what it was and why he was suffering. Back then the only thing researchers weren't talking about was that it could get worse with a secondary stressor.

I spent years of failing to get him to go for help after managing to get others to go to the Veterans Centers and the VA. I spent years suffering right along side of him losing hope that our marriage would last one more year and then dreading it would without anything getting any better.

Oh, sure things were a lot different back then for families because it was harder to find others. We didn't have the internet. Somehow we all managed to get together and find others just like us when we started to talk about what our parents kept secret.

Our husbands gained strength just knowing someone they knew had suffered enough to understand and then found hope restored knowing they healed enough to be happy again. To be able to laugh as well as cry. To look beyond one moment into the next and look forward to next week, next month, next year.

Side by side it was achieved much like when they were in their units in combat. No one fought alone in Vietnam. When they tried to fight alone back home, too many lost. When they had someone as an example of what was possible, they lived, healed and then helped others.

We lasted because we had the support to do it. In September we celebrated our 30th anniversary. We wouldn't have been able to do it if we tried to do it alone. I remember those days too well and what it was like. That is why Wounded Times is here.

There is no need to feel alone. There is no need to suffer alone. There are far too many groups now you can find in your own hometowns and cities. If you don't find one you're comfortable with then you can look online to find one in other states to connect to. You can also talk to other veterans around the world going through the same thing you are.

Families can do the same. There are so many possibilities to heal if you have the nudge you need to reach for it. So think of it this way. PTSD was caused by trauma. Trauma is Greek for wound and wounds heal. You are not stuck with the change within you and you can change again. For all the veterans committing suicide there are far more living happier lives and passing on hope to others.

After all, taking care of others is what you guys do best. So take care of yourself first and then, then be there to help someone else. Let this new year be the beginning of healing of hope.

U.S. Navy sailors watch a New Year's Eve fireworks show from the flight deck of the USS George Washington in Yokosuka, Japan, Jan. 1, 2014. The Washington and its embarked air wing, Carrier Air Wing 5, provide a combat-ready force that protects and defends the collective maritime interest of the U.S. and its allies and partners in the Indo-Asia-Pacific region. U.S. Navy photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Jacob I. Allison

Hit and run driver takes off after hitting disabled Iraq Vet's van

Disabled Vet Involved in Hit-and-Run Accident on New Year's Eve
WIFR.com
January 2, 2014

ROCKFORD (WIFR) -- The slick roads we've had over the last few days have been causing a lot of accidents, some of them, hit and runs. Rockford Police say there were more than 700 cases of drivers speeding off without stopping last year.

"The door won't even open. Look at that," John Falcetta said, trying to open the door on his van, recently damaged in a hit-and-run accident.

Falcetta says a truck slammed into his van and drove off.

"I can't believe anyone would be so heartless to injure someone and take off and not even bothering if anyone was injured or anybody was hurt. Just not even caring that they could have killed somebody," Falcetta said.

Falcetta, who's a disabled veteran of the Iraq war, says the accident is making back and head injuries he suffered in battle, much worse. He's now experiencing constant migraines. Falcetta believes the crash could have been much worse if his three year old daughter had been with him.
read more here