Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 23, 2024

I successfully failed!

When it feels as if your life has gotten so crappy, there is nothing good left to see, it makes it suck all the more. I was stuck dwelling on all the things I failed with. All my mistakes, misfortunes, and support of the wrong people rusted away hope. If you search about rusted metal, you'll find most results are focused on how to remove the rust. Some are about creating rust on metal because they like the look of it.

I looked at what my life was like, and went over all the things I felt were failures. The biggest one was when I was successful in helping people learn about PTSD and now it feels as if I failed. How many people I helped stopped mattering when I was reading about more and more suffering instead of healing. I felt like a failure because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't make enough of a difference to make a difference in their lives. Not being given a chance to help them ate my spirit like rust. Then I read old emails to remind me that while I failed to change the world, I managed to change it for those who gave me a chance to help them.

I felt better. Then I took a different look at other things to view failures with wide-open eyes. It turns out that some failures were actually successes to be proud of.

I failed to blame other people.

I failed to judge others instead of what they did.

I failed to hate anyone.

I failed to give up easily.

I failed to give up all hope.

I failed to stop finding reasons to laugh.

I failed to stop finding reasons to love.

You see where I'm going with this. When I looked at failures differently, I felt better about myself and what my life has turned into. I realized I can only control what I do because I cannot control anyone else. We are all accountable to ourselves. No one can control others and we shouldn't attempt to do the impossible. We can encourage, comfort, support, and show compassion, or we can beat down, hurt, push away, and hate. That last part will turn against us filled us with resentment. The first part will fill us with a power that can overcome whatever negativity we carry.

Most of us dwell on what happened to us when someone or something wrong happened. That isn't helpful. It is harmful like rust. Try to focus more on when people came to help you when you needed help the most. Let those memories feed your spirit. No matter what you see in your own life, there is always a different way to view it. I like the view from here.