What do they need to hear?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 18, 2023

Sometimes it isn't what they want to hear. The thing is, it is always what they need to hear.

The Shock

When you transitioned from your normal life, into the victim, and onto survivor, those were massive changes to deal with.

First, there is the shock that it happened to you. One moment you were just like everyone else. Or was it just how you assumed everyone was? The reality is, everyone has a backstory that you didn't know. And now, most people won't know what your backstory is unless you tell them.

How do you do that? How do you explain to them how your life changed without warning and so did you? It may frighten them because suddenly they become aware their life can also change without warning too.

As you go through the changes of PTSD, the people in your life do as well.

The Denial

They want to deny it changed you almost as much as you do.

You left your house and the people in your life as they always knew you to be, but returned to them as a survivor. They are confused. They don't understand what it is like for you. Some may want to give you time to return to how you were. You may expect that too. Some will want to give you space and leave you alone to "deal" with it. That may be what you want too.

A time comes when they expect you to just "get over it" so everyone can go back to the way things were before. They get tired of hearing about it. You get tired of trying to explain to them something they will never fully understand unless it happens to them. It is worse when you don't understand it either.

How do you find the words to communicate what they need to hear? You start by finding the words you need to hear for yourself to understand. There are over 40 years of research online now and even more books you can find that were out there longer you can find. There are videos online to help you, not just understand, but to find comfort in the simple fact you are not alone.

Things change when you change the conversation you have with them.

In The Scribe Of Salem, that is how lives were changed for all the characters in the book.

Reviewed by Parul Sood for Readers' Favorite The Scribe of Salem: Ministers of the Mystery by Kathie Costos is an enthralling debut in a series that seamlessly blends fantasy, supernatural horror, and elements of spirituality. The story follows Chris, a former war journalist grappling with PTSD from his fieldwork and a turbulent marriage that subjected him to abuse. Struggling to find purpose and often drowning his sorrows in alcohol, Chris's life takes an unexpected turn when he reconnects with an old friend, sparking a newfound hope. As Chris engages in conversations and encounters that seem divinely guided, he begins to believe that a higher power is watching over him and urging him to seek out Mandy—a healer who has transformed his friend's life. Fueled by this belief, Chris embarks on a quest to find Mandy, not only to document her spiritual teachings in a book but also in the hope of transforming his own life.

In The Scribe of Salem, Kathie Costos skillfully weaves a narrative that delves into Chris's struggles and his journey toward healing and self-discovery. The author's exploration of spirituality goes beyond conventional religious boundaries, inviting readers to contemplate the profound power of faith in oneself and in the presence of something greater. Through Chris's meeting with Mandy, readers are taken on a captivating journey that merges supernatural horror with the themes of redemption, personal growth, and the transformative nature of spiritual experiences. The characters in The Scribe of Salem are vividly depicted and elicit empathy from readers. Chris's emotional journey resonates deeply as he confronts his past traumas and seeks solace and meaning in a world that often feels bleak. Costos's adept characterization brings authenticity and relatability to the story, allowing readers to connect with the protagonist on his quest for redemption.

Every single one of them had to find the courage to tell their backstory. They could offer hope because someone took the time to give it to them. It is a healing chain passed on from one to another, quietly, without seeking anything for themselves. The only thing they wanted was to pass on what was given to them.

So what is it people need to hear from you? They can't help you if they do not know what you need. They will only make assumptions about what you are going through, and most of the time, it comes out negatively. With understanding, help can come elevating needless turmoil and restoring hope. None of it can happen until you decide to say what you don't want to, so they can hear what they need to.