Home Front Heretic

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 20, 2015

Like most little girls I grew up watching Disney movies. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. My Mom tried as hard as she could to give me a sense that there was nothing women couldn't do but still left me with a long list of things women should not do. Among the list of shouldn't do stuff was fight. I had two older brothers and they made sure I knew how to plus encouraged me to get strong, especially when it came to swimming. I ended up swimming a mile a night at the YMCA pool. No matter what they all tried to tell me, part of me, still wanted the fairy tale.

Little did I know how many women were not waiting for the knight in shining armor to rescue them. We have a long history of home front heretics.

"anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle"

Sybil Ludington

Sybil Ludington (April 5, 1761 – February 26, 1839), daughter of Colonel Henry Ludington, was a heroine of the American Revolutionary War who, mounted on her horse, Star, became famous for her night ride on April 26, 1777 to alert American colonial forces to the approach of the British. Her action was similar to that performed by Jack Jouett or Paul Revere, although she rode more than twice the distance of Revere and was only 16 years old at the time of her action. She was an aunt of Harrison Ludington, a Governor of Wisconsin.

Ludington's ride started at 9 p.m. and ended around dawn. She rode 40 miles, more than twice the distance of Paul Revere, into the damp hours of darkness. She rode through Carmel on to Mahopac, thence to Kent Cliffs, from there to Farmers Mills and back home. She used a stick to prod her horse and knock on doors. She managed to defend herself against a highwayman with a long stick. When, soaked with rain and exhausted, she returned home, most of the 400 soldiers were ready to march.

Deborah Sampson (1760-1827)

Deborah Sampson Gannett 

Deborah Sampson, who fought in the American Revolution disguised as the soldier Robert Shurtlieff, was born on December 1, 1760 in Plymton, Massachusetts, near Plymouth. Although descended from distinguished Pilgrim stock, the Sampson family was poor. When Deborah’s father failed to return from a sea voyage, her mother, unable to provide for her seven children, placed them in various households.

After spending five years in two other homes, Deborah, at age 10, was bound out to Deacon Benjamin Thomas, a farmer in Middleborough, who had a large family. At age 18, when her time as an indentured servant was over, the self-educated Deborah made a living by teaching school during the summer sessions in 1779 and 1780 and by weaving in the winter.

Slowly the idea of joining the army dressed as a man took hold. After venturing out undetected in her disguise, she resolved to enlist, which she did in the spring of 1781. In May she arrived at the fortifications at West Point, New York, on the west bank of the Hudson River, where she was detached to Captain George Webb’s Company of Light Infantry and issued a uniform and accoutrements.

It was soon after that she was assigned to a scouting party given the dangerous task of marching through the Neutral Ground of what is today Westchester County to assess the British buildup of men and materiel in Manhattan, which General Washington was contemplating attacking. On the return trip, she had her first taste of battle when her group was attacked by British sympathizers and troops.

Most of July was spent encamped with the French army in lower Westchester. The third week of August, however, found the soldiers on a forced march to Virginia where they began the siege of Yorktown. Deborah endured the incessant cannonade from the enemy, got blisters digging trenches, and was part of a detachment that stormed a British redoubt. On October 19, 1781, Lord Cornwallis surrendered to General Washington. Although this was the last major battle of the Revolution, the war was not officially over. The French stayed in the south, while the American soldiers headed back to West Point for the winter.

We can't all be like Ludington and Sampson or the growing list of women entering the armed forces.

We will never be famous for the battles we fight on the Home Front when our veterans leave their battle gear behind. Why would we be willing to settle for conforming to what our friends think is normal? We wanted more out of those we decided to share our lives with.

Our battle starts when they come home and that, that is the fight for their lives. We're losing that battle and it is time for all of us to give this battle everything we have.

Do you really love them? How much? Do you understand that everything you loved about them required them to put their lives on the line? They didn't do it for the fun of it or just for adventure. They did it because they had to. Do you know them well enough to understand that everything you loved is all still there and trapped beneath a tremendous mountain of pain? What are you going to do about it?

We have to be stronger and more committed to our veterans, willing to fight harder than they are able to do for themselves.  These are the men and women who put their lives on the line for the sake of those they served with yet we let them die back home because we can't give them a reason to survive here?

What the hell is wrong with you?  How many hours do you spend on Facebook catching up on what your list of "friends" you don't even really know are having for lunch? How much time do you watch some fake reality TV show while your own reality is falling apart around you?

You are miserable.  Your veteran is miserable. Your kids are miserable. Are you willing to settle for the way things are? Then grow up! Stop waiting for the fairy tale ending and fight for the one person you know loved so strongly they were willing to die for someone else.

Be a heretic! Stop listening when others tell you to end your marriage and walk away.  Stop watching someone you love thinking more about how to get out of this life than how to heal.

You need to be brave enough to actually face the reality your marriage is not like your friends. Would you really want to be married to someone like they are? Someone too consumed with what is in it for them on everything they do? Then why did you get married to someone able to love so fiercely they put their lives on the line for others? Don't you understand that kind of love is rare?

I decided I wanted what my husband had to give over 30 years ago and there is no way I would walk away from someone able to love that much.  It wasn't easy but he was worth it.  It was back when no one had computers and I had to go to the library to understand war as much as what war did to him. I had to listen to the stupidity of others when no one was talking about PTSD or what was happening to over half a million households across the country.

This isn't just about fighting for veterans but for police officers, firefighters and emergency responders ready to lay down their lives for someone else. They are committing suicide and we should keep asking what else we can do for their sake.

Their jobs came with a price but that price was something they were willing to pay. The question is, are you willing to actually stand by their side and fight this battle with them?

Their burden was borne from love. What are you going to do for them in return?