This Ain't Rocket Science, It's Trauma

Peer Support Only Fails If You Don't Ask
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 23, 2015

I've had the conversation more times than I can remember but on the way home from work today, I had to have it again. A veteran was upset because he just found out a buddy of his committed suicide.

He wanted to know why his buddy didn't call him and just ask for help.

We talk a lot about suicides but don't talk enough about the one thing veterans should do before they give up. Call for support and ask for help.

Often that is all it takes. Just hearing a caring voice on the other end of the line makes enough of a difference to restore just enough of what has been lost long enough to remember the truth. That truth is, those you were with were prepared to die for you, just as you were for them.

Why the hell would you think they wouldn't be willing to give you their time for you to live?

Think about it because while pain may make you think of pulling the trigger your pride is putting the bullet in the gun. That is the only thing keeping you from asking for help and your life is far from hopeless.

So lets just get honest here.

Take a good look at this picture.

In combat you must have seen something like that plenty of times. What did you think of the wounded? Did you think it was only natural for the wounded soldier to be picked up and carried to the Chopper to get the help he needed to stay alive? Or did you think he should have just stayed in combat bleeding all over the place so he wouldn't bother anyone? Safe bet you didn't think less of him getting help then so why think less of yourself because you have a wound and need help too?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a WOUND. The word TRAUMA is Greek meaning WOUND.

trauma 1690s, "physical wound," medical Latin, from Greek trauma "a wound, a hurt; a defeat," from PIE *trau-, extended form of root *tere- (1) "to rub, turn," with derivatives referring to twisting, piercing, etc. (see throw (v.)). Sense of "psychic wound, unpleasant experience which causes abnormal stress" is from 1894

It was something that hit you but all this time you've been playing pingpong with your brain cells. Memories on one side trying to get you to make sense out of them while you try to destroy them with alcohol and drugs. Ya, I get it. You don't want to feel the bad shit anymore even if it means blocking anything good out. How's that working for you so far? Bet it hasn't been good.

This ain't rocket science! It is just about being human. 

See it's really hard for any person inclined to be the "helper" to ask for help from anyone. So think of it this way. How do you feel about the person you help? Do you think they should have just figured it out or thought less of them because they needed you? Bet it felt good to be needed and even better to be able to help afterwards.

In combat, did you think it was weak or bad for you to call in air support? Hell no! You expected them to show up when they were called and when they didn't come, you were pissed off wondering where they were.

Did you think for one second, "Oh no lets not bother them. They may be busy." or did you listen carefully for the sound of the rotors? As soon as you heard that sound you knew you guys were not alone and someone was watching over you.

Ok, so say you call your buddy and he sounds busy or you get his voice mail. Do you give up? Nope, you leave a message and tell him it is really important. You don't know what he's doing or if he is even near the phone, so don't give up on him. Wait for a little while and then call someone else.

Believe me, he'll be a lot more than angry if you decided to not bother him and then left him along with everyone else who cared about you.

Yes, it may feel as if no one cares right now. That's only because your life has been so messed up no one can figure out what is going on with you or how to help you. You got only yourself to blame for that one because you didn't tell them anything! How can they know you need help if you are just acting like a jerk?

Not a bright idea to have command on the radio and then not tell them where you are or what you need.

Give them a chance to understand. You don't have to get all gory and explain everything to them. All you have to do is tell them you need help.

The VA has the Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 plus you can even text for help now.

Confidential Veterans Chat
Text to 838255 to Get Help NOW
Take a Self-Check Quiz
Confidential Homeless Veterans Chat
Support for Deaf and Hard of Hearing

They've done a lot of good but there have been some issues with it so if you run into trouble, then call 9-11.

I was at an event Saturday and we were discussing police response.  It was suggested that to calm things down a bit, ask for fire emergency so they can get you to the hospital. Best bet is probably to just explain to the operator what you need for help.

It took you a long time to reach out for help so don't take no for an answer.  If you go to the VA and they tell you there is a long wait, then pull up a chair and wait as long as it takes.  If you call someone and don't get help, then call someone else.  Keep calling and trying until you get the help you need.

After all, you didn't give up fighting the battles in combat or you wouldn't be here struggling to heal from them now. You're not a victim and you're not defective or whatever else you tried to blame all this on.  You are a survivor, so survive so you can help another veteran fight this battle he thinks he has to fight alone because he was just as confused as you are right now.

Bet he doesn't know he isn't stuck suffering either.  He just needs to hear someone tell him that help is on the way and he can recover/heal to live a better life. You didn't want to be called a hero because you went where you were sent.  How about you earn the title now by saving the life of someone else?