Loving Life With PTSD

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 29, 2015

Tomorrow is the end of Suicide Prevention Month It is also the anniversary of the day I married my best friend. Hard to believe so many years have gone by but harder to believe that we don't spend much time thinking about the bad times we've had in over 3 decades together.

We were so young, full of dreams and possibilities. We were also carrying memories of a lot of pain. He was married before and it fell apart. I was married before and it did worse than fall apart. My ex-husband tried to kill me one night. Yep, he decided I needed to die.

The last thing I ever thought I'd do again, was be willing to trust someone else enough to get married again. I couldn't help it.

Somehow I just knew I was supposed to be by his side.

It has been a long road for us and everything I do is because of my husband and what he taught me about what real love is.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)

Folks talk all the time about "awareness" yet don't seem too interested in offering much hope. Sure they just have a lot of stuff they looked up online but it a lot different being aware of the reality we face everyday.

I almost lost my husband but we made it even though most of it was during a time when no one was talking about any of this battle after war families were fighting everyday. We were all suffering in silence and searching for hope.

I don't want to dwell on any of that right now. For now, I am asking you to give me an anniversary gift. Don't worry. It won't cost you a dime. It will cost you some pride because if you are still suffering instead of healing, take a good gulp of that pride of yours and do something to change right now.

Bet you didn't think it was wrong to ask for help when you were in combat so why think it is wrong now? You didn't go where you were alone. You didn't train yourself to use the weapons. You didn't just et off a bus from your hometown and jump out of a perfectly good plane hoping the parachute would open up on time or wondering if you figured out how to put it on right. Other folks taught you how do all of it. You had to learn. Then why find so many excuses now to not ask for help?

My husband didn't want to either. Then again, my husband thought that he didn't deserve it. He actually thought he didn't deserve to be happy or loved. Now he knows the difference between what he thought and what was true.

If you are a spouse, you can give me a gift too. Think about all the reasons you fell in love with your veteran. No matter how rotten they are acting, or how big of a jerk you may think they suddenly became, all the good stuff is all still in there behind a huge wall of pain. He/she needs you to help them find themselves again.

Sometimes they had to do some bad things and they think they are evil for having done them but they need to be reminded that the basic fact of war is simple for those who go. They are willing to sacrifice their lives for those they are with. Imagine that kind of love and that is what you saw within them when you decided to spend the rest of your life with them.

Everyone can learn what PTSD is and what it does but you have to look at all of it in a different way. Yesterday is part of the pain we all carry within up but the hope of a different tomorrow keeps all the good stuff alive.

The song from Fleetwood Mac, Don't Stop is one of my favorites. It pretty much sums up what I really want for my gift from you. Don't forget about things that matter but that doesn't mean you have to let them haunt you. You can make peace with the past. Yesterday is gone and there isn't anything you can do to change it. There is plenty you can do to change right now so that it will be a different day tomorrow.

Fleetwood Mac – Don't Stop Lyrics
If you wake up and don't want to smile
If it take just a little while
Open your eyes and look at the day
You'll see things in a different way

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be even better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Why not think about times to come
And not about the things that you've done
If your life was bad to you
Just think what tomorrow will do

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

All I want is to see you smile
If it takes just a little while
I know you don't believe that it's true
I never meant any harm to you

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Ooh, don't you look back
Ooh, don't you look back
Ooh, don't you look back
Ooh, don't you look back

Songwriters: MCVIE, CHRISTINE
Don't Stop lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group