Gay PTSD Vietnam Veteran Celebrates Survival

Hayward veteran celebrates his survival, along with his gay bar
San Jose Mercury News
By Rebecca Parr
September 4, 2014

"It's never too late, but they have to be willing to walk through this. It's very painful. PTSD is like a cancer. It doesn't go away; it continues to grow and fester if not treated," Rev. Phil Salois

HAYWARD -- Larry Gray is throwing a party to celebrate not only his gay bar being in business for 30 years, but his own survival as well, as the gay Vietnam veteran has come to terms with his past after trying to forget it for years.

"It's still hard for me to talk about Vietnam. But I'm honest now with myself and others. I'm living my life as who I am," he said as he sat on the patio of his World Famous Turf Club on Main Street in downtown Hayward. "Maybe my sharing my story will help others."

Gray already had suffered trauma when he was drafted in 1967 at the age of 19. Three years earlier, his father died of a heart attack at age 44.

"He dropped dead in the living room in front of us. I was 16," he said.

At the same time, the adolescent was becoming aware of his sexuality.

"Having my father die in front of us, I had the emotion of dealing with that. At the same time, I was realizing I had different feelings about my sexuality. For a 16-year-old, that's too many emotions," he said.

In the 1960s, there was no information about homosexuality or help available to Gray.

"I had nobody to talk to. Homosexuality was still treated as a mental illness," he said.

Gray's story is a common one for Vietnam veterans, said the Rev. Phil Salois, recently retired chief of chaplain service at the Veteran Affairs Boston Healthcare System. Salois, who also served in Vietnam, has been helping veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder for more than 30 years. He also suffers from the condition.

"It took me 13 years before I started talking about it," Salois said.

He encouraged veterans suffering with PTSD to seek help at a VA center.

"It's never too late, but they have to be willing to walk through this. It's very painful. PTSD is like a cancer. It doesn't go away; it continues to grow and fester if not treated," Salois said.

"It takes time. When you've been traumatized, when you've seen death face-to-face, it's hard to process," he said.

Gray stopped telling people he was a veteran after being criticized.
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