Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 15, 2014
A few days ago there was a day when all veterans were supposed to matter equally. Every year Veterans Day is November 11 and that doesn't change no matter what day of the week it falls on. Celebrations, events, parades and publicity happen during different days but their day is always the same.
When you actually think about it though, you'll notice that their "day" is everyday of the year. They will never stop being a veteran of the wars we send them to fight and of the nation they took a vow to defend.
No war has ever been "clean" without controversy but these men and women were not willing to die for anyone but those they were with and that, that is something no one can ever dispute. It is also the reason why the rest of the us are supposed to treat them differently. They are not like the rest of us but we benefit far more from them than they do from us.
Everything developed by the military for servicemen and women directly changed our lives. From battlefield medical practices giving us trauma surgeons, to prosthetic limbs allowing amputees to live more independent lives and psychiatrist treating survivors of war spawning teams of crisis intervention professionals rushing to treat survivors of traumatic events in our communities, it all came from them.
They were young. Most were not even 25 by the time their service came to an end. Gone for a year at a time, they had no clue how much would change in just 365 days. When they came home, everything looked the same in their neighborhoods. Their friends didn't change but they did. They could see the difference when they looked in the mirror.
As they waited for the day to come when they'd wake up the way they used to be, the day when they would enjoy the company of their old friends, doing what they always used to do, sadness set in. They began to understand they would never be the same kid they were out of high school before they put on their first pair of combat boots.
They fought for everything being done to treat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder yet they are the last to receive help to heal it. They are the last to receive acknowledgment from the press that their wounds have been carried longer while they have been left behind yet again.
"Never again will one generation
of veterans abandon another."Vietnam Veterans of America motto
They came up with that motto because the older veterans didn't want anything to do with any of them. They knew what it felt like to be excluded from the one community they should have fit in with back home.
We were all young. We were all struggling and suffering in the bitter silence of what was happening from coast to coast as our veterans desperately tried to re-adjust to life back home. What other choice did we have? The media was only interested when one of our veterans were caught doing something wrong, usually because of PTSD and substance abuse to self-medicate what war did to them. Now there are Veterans Courts to address the OEF and OIF veterans issues instead of just locking them up. Now there are still millions of Vietnam veterans in jail for the same thing today's veterans are getting treatment for.
They fought for benefits to compensate their ability to care for themselves and their families yet today they wait the longest for claims to be approved and appeals to be decided as the largest percentage of veterans in the VA system.
They are the largest group of veterans in the homeless veterans population, highest group committing suicide and the majority of the patients in VA waiting rooms.
Who decided they do not deserved adapted homes donated to care for them and their families? Who decided they do not deserve the attention from charities popping up all over the country tugging at the public hearts? Who decided our families do not deserve the caregiver benefits to make life a little easier on us after decades of doing exactly what the younger families do?
We read a lot of great things happening to the younger families and think it is all absolutely wonderful but then we wonder who decides which young family matters and which young family are forgotten about, left to go day to day as best as they can without any help. One family given keys to a new home just for them while another family shows up at a Stand Down because they are facing being homeless and must wait for an adapted apartment because the veteran is also disabled.
Who decides all of this? How do reporters decide who gets attention and who does not?
It seems as if they are all reporting on combat and PTSD but few are talking about Vietnam veterans making everything possible while prolonging their own suffering probable simply because someone decided to leave them behind again.
This just keeps getting better. Reading an article on Secondary PTSD and flabbergasted.
Veterans Spouses Diagnosed With Secondary PTSD
"And now, spouses are showing up with those symptoms too"
Guess none of us suffered before PTSD made the news. Guess all this is band new to military/veteran families. Guess I never wrote the book on living with if for 18 years before 9-11.
"The depression came from me feeling alone," Molly said. "I am alone. No one is coming to help us."
No one is coming for them because no one came for us. We just did it ourselves for ourselves and now we're trying to help the new generation but they don't want to listen.
UPDATE
I've been thinking a lot about the newer groups like the IAVA and Wounded Warrior Project getting all the press coverage. Why? Do reporters understand that Vietnam Veterans had no other choice but to start their own group simply because they were not welcomed into the VFW, DAV or the American Legion? Older veterans wanted nothing to do with them when they came home. They were left alone.
They decided to fight for all veterans and not just themselves. For the generations who came before them and for whatever generations came behind them. Now they run the same groups that made them outcasts. If you think for a second they would abandon the OEF or OIF veterans, ask the Gulf War veterans they fought for.
We are all happy OEF and OIF veterans are getting more than our families did but it is a bitter victory. The price was paid for them ahead of time and now we get to wonder why we have been left behind all over again.
PTSD service dogs for new veterans. Caregivers compensation for new veterans. The list goes on yet it is the generation of Vietnam veterans suffering more and waiting longer.
I work evaluate veterans for PTSD and other mental disorders as a C&P (Compensation and Pension) examiner. The majority of veterans I see for PTSD are Vietnam Veterans. The pain and suffering these men have endured is heartbreaking. And then there was the "second trauma" of coming home to a hostile, accusatory American public.
ReplyDeleteBut, as you point out, a huge number of Vietnam Veterans didn't just sit around and complain. They took action. Through their tireless advocacy, guys and gals returning home from Iraq and Afghanistan receive much more help and support from the VA (including Vet Centers, which started because of Vietnam Vets), Veterans Service Organizations, and the American public than the Vietnam Vets ever dreamed could be possible.
I also see a lot of younger and middle-aged vets who tell me things like, "Man, if wasn't for the Vietnam Vets, I wouldn't be getting all this support. I'm really grateful for them."
THANK YOU MARK!
ReplyDeleteTop that off with Vietnam veterans never really gave up on the rest of us doing the right thing. Pretty amazing~
A friend sent me this in an email. He's a Vietnam veteran and very special. Love you Gunny!
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!
A young man went off to a foreign land and was involved in a war. He did his job and he did not realize how much that experience changed him.
When he came back he was lost and confused. Had problems in his head that were demons to him. It was a dark and scary place to be. No drugs or booze would chase it away and nobody understood his mood swings of anger and frustration.
But out there was a special person that he had not yet met. She turned out to be a very special person who somehow saw through all of his misery! that person turned out to be a veterans girlfriend or wife.
She brought with her so much strength, she was there through the tears and the cold sweats and especially the nightmares!
And she stuck with him through it all and stayed with him for years or until his death. It takes a very strong and special women to be with a veteran and be a military wife. You are a special person in our hearts and we do cherish you more than you will ever know.
SO TO ALL OF YOU WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR OUR BROTHERS, WE THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS FOR ALL THAT YOU DO!!!
We were married 3 months when he went to Vietnam. I remember that day too well, didn't know is I would ever see him again. That was in 1968, we didn't have phone calls, emails or FaceTime. The news chips were 3 or 4 days old and letters took 1 or 2 weeks. There was no cheers, no ticker tag parades, not even a Thank you when he came home.
ReplyDeleteNo one understands the pain a Vietnam Vets carries unless you live with them. I know the sleepless nights and the night mares. I am the one that holds him when he cries. He doesn't talk about Vietnam, just keeps it deep inside, even after over 45 years. He is a true Hero!
Betty,
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you for seeing the man inside under the pain. He doesn't have to talk about Vietnam for you to know he is hurting. Just let him know you are there for him. After all these years by his side, I am sure he already knows. I've only been married to mine for 30.