"Memorial Day has always had a certain type of sting to it"

Cost of war continues long after fighting is done
CNN
By Mike Scotti
Special to CNN
May 21, 2014

STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Mike Scotti was deployed in both Iraq and Afghanistan
He struggled with isolation, anger and depression after coming home
An estimated 22 veterans commit suicide every day
For ways to help veterans in need, visit CNN.com/Impact

Editor's note: Mike Scotti fought in Afghanistan and Iraq as a U.S. Marine. The Florida resident is a founding board member of military-themed nonprofit Reserve Aid and is the founder of the Military Veterans Club at the NYU Stern School of Business. Scotti wrote about his struggle to reenter civilian life in "The Blue Cascade: A Memoir of Life After War." The veteran is also the subject of the award-winning documentary "Severe Clear." The opinions expressed are solely those of the author.

(CNN) -- This will be the first Memorial Day since my buddy from the Marine Corps committed suicide last June.

As the holiday draws closer, the series of text messages I received from our mutual friend on that spring day keep pushing their way into my mind.

"I'm sorry for the text, man. But I just can't do any more phone calls today."

There was a moment of silence before he continued to write that our friend "blew his brains out yesterday. The funeral is Saturday in New Jersey. That's all I know at this point. I'll give you a call tomorrow."

I remember looking out the car window at the lights of random buildings flashing by as I sat in the passenger seat on the way home from my niece's wedding. My heart pounding as the familiar sense of violent death and loss worked its way into me.

In the years since I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, Memorial Day has always had a certain type of sting to it. It has been a day for quiet reflection and thoughts of friends who'd fallen. Men like Marine Capt. Robert M. Secher, or "Cubby," as we affectionately called him, who was killed by a sniper in Hit, Iraq in 2006.
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