Confession, I have Compassion Fatigue

Confession, I have Compassion Fatigue
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
February 12, 2014

I have not been diagnosed with Compassion Fatigue but I know enough about it to know what it is. It is a lot deeper than just burnout.

Most days I don't get dressed until noon. That is when I do not have a temp job to go to because PJs are a little too casual for business. I spend the first six hours reading, answering emails and posting articles I find.

Most of the time, they are as depressing as hell. Why people read Wounded Times considering what the subject matter is, is more of a testament about caring than anything else.

I am drawn to post about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. While most of the posts here are about Combat PTSD, I am reading everything on PTSD to help me. I don't have it but for years I searched for a reason that prevented me from becoming infected. To me that is what PTSD. Trauma hits from outside and that one event, or many piled up, ends up digging into the flesh, past bones and into the soul/spirit that lives in our heads.

The only thing I could figure on was talking about all of what happened with someone I trusted even though they didn't quite understand, usually giving really lousy advice, but I knew they cared about me. It helped every time.

I was just reading an article about compassion fatigue hitting recovery workers from Hurricane Sandy. One more topic not covered enough.

Dr. Paula Madrid, who has been in helping people cope with trauma since the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks, said compassion fatigue is more than just burnout. She said it can be defined as “the gradual lessening of compassion over time.”

This is something I know I have for sure and have had many, many times before. Each time it seems to be worse.

I can't remember how many times I just wanted to give up and stop thinking about all of this. Stop caring about veterans needing help and families needing help the way I did when no one was there over 30 years ago. I am back into the dark days because around noon, I have no energy left. I turn on the TV and usually fall asleep for an hour or so until I force myself to get up.

I left this comment

Wounded Times Blog • a few seconds ago − I work with veterans and families dealing with Combat PTSD. I know I have it. It is more than just burnout but most of the time people like me are not happy not helping. We do need rest but more we need support. Most of the people I know doing this type of work do it because they remember what it was like when no one was there to help them. I remember all too well. I lost count on how many times I felt like this but if it helps at all, it does lift. The weight does ease up. Take some time for yourself. Take a walk, go to a movie and spend time with family and friends. I shut off my computer at the same time every night and that is my time.
I just wish I could shut my brain off as well.

The good news is sooner or later something happens to restore hope. The problem is when I feel as if no one is listening to my prayers or no one really cares about what I do. I read about how bad things are across the country and remember what has happened over the last 30 years and then get angry, frustrated that so much has been forgotten and feel as if I am just wasting my time. Then I get an email from someone telling me I helped them and made a difference. Most of the time that is all a helper really needs to know because most of the time when they are helping, they are also suffering too.