Military Veteran Families Called To Action

Military Veteran Families Called To Action
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 4, 2014

They call the military a brotherhood but few talk about how military families are family to all as well.

Yesterday a couple of people thanked me for my ministry to veterans. I had to explain that this is not by choice but something I am compelled to do.

Chaplains operate in the Ministry of Presence. "Chaplaincy is a service or ministry offered in secular settings or settings that are outside normal places of worship such as a university, hospital, prison, school or workplace. Although broad in scope, chaplaincy services centre on the intellectual, emotional, social, interpersonal and spiritual dimensions of life and seek to assist personal awareness, understanding, growth and integration."

The circumstances of my life, faith in God and witnessing miracles everyday, as well as the suffering of far too many, left me no other choice. I could not sit back and let lives fall apart without trying to do something. Over 30 years later, I am still doing it.

No one knows better than the families what servicemen and women are going thru after they put their civvies back on.

More and more families are stepping up, compelled by their own pain to prevent other families from suffering the same fate. Reading about the parents of Sgt. James Bearup set this post in motion.
Alaska National Guards Suicide

Son's suicide sets Soldotna couple on new path
Peninsula Clarion
By RASHAH McCHESNEY
Saturday, January 4, 2014

SOLDOTNA, Alaska (AP) — Just over nine months ago, Army National Guard Sgt. James Bearup put a shotgun into his mouth and blew away memories of his military service in Afghanistan, an inability to find consistent work to support his wife, growing family and the pressure of coping with day-to-day life with post-traumatic stress disorder.

The 29-year-old left eight siblings, a wife and two children, 30 nieces and nephews and two parents shocked with the loss, suddenness and permanence of his departure.

Tom and Adele Bearup, of Soldotna, also learned how terrible life with PTSD can be and have spent the last several months reaching out to area veterans through meals, gifts and word-of-mouth in an effort to prevent a similar tragedy from happening to another family.

James called his parents and each of his siblings before killing himself.

"We tried to talk him down," Adele said, her voice thickening and finally breaking as she searched for a voicemail message James had left on a sibling's phone the day he died.

What are they trying to do? They are reaching out to veterans to let them know they matter and share their property on a lake.

C.J. Twomey's Mom knows what it is like. Her son shot himself. She took to Facebook and is sending C.J.'s ashes from Maine to Japan.

You see a lot of what I do everyday but you don't hear about the phone calls, emails and visits. Whenever I help out a group I ask for secrecy just as the veterans expect it from me. What you see even less are families like the Bearups. These folks are moving mountains to make sure they save whomever they can. As suffering reaches out, touching the lives of others, so does healing. Heal one veteran, you will heal ten. Heal ten, you heal thousands.

They are not greedy with their better lives. They want to share what helped them so others can live better lives. In a sense, these families and veterans are in the ministry of presence as well.

Iraq veteran Matthew Jarrett is biking across 14 states. As of New Year's Eve he has gone more than 8,000 miles.

U.S. Navy Capt. Todd Kruder and his wife, Sharon, are talking openly about how he wanted to die and how he healed to live. They are doing whatever they can to save others from knowing what that kind of pain feels like.

The men and women joining the military do it by choice. Families do it for love. When the veterans' choices cause suffering for being unselfish, families fight the battles for them. None of us want to be in the positions we're in. It rips our hearts out because the more we try to help, the more we learn of how widespread all of this is. The more we try to spare someone pain, the more we are reminded of our own.

It is hard to tell our stories but it is harder to live them. If we don't talk about any of this others will feel just as lonely as we did.

My husband is living a better life and we've been married 29 years. His nephew committed suicide after I had been helping other veterans for many years but I couldn't save him. Every time I do a report on suicides, I think of him and how I wish I could have saved him. The pain comes back but I know over the years I have saved others, talked them off the ledge, because of him. I wish I could have prevented the worst that PTSD did to my husband. When I read about other veterans suffering, I remember the darkest days for us. It hurts but I know there are many healing veterans across the country because of him.