Military caregiver, the life some of us choose

This is a wonderful story but some do it by choice. I met my husband ten years after he left the Army and Vietnam. It was a choice for me and I didn't go into this marriage blindly. I learned what PTSD was over 30 years ago. I loved him and all that came with him was part of the man I loved and still do. There are families like mine all over the country doing the same thing. We choose this life willingly.

A job nobody applies for - military caregiver
Military caregivers speak out about need for support
By Jeanette Steele
JAN. 24, 2014

It can be an emotionally brutal "job," and one that nobody really applies for.

With more than half of U.S. troops married, the hard work of dealing with war injuries – both missing limbs and emotional scars – is falling to spouses and family members who are increasingly identifying themselves as “military caregivers.”

It's a population getting more attention since 2010, when the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs was directed to begin offering a monthly stipend and health insurance to people caring for gravely injured Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. The Pentagon quickly followed suit with a similar stipend for active-duty families.

A 2013 survey by the nonprofit Blue Star Families showed that 12 percent of members described themselves as military caregivers. Officials with the organization say they expect that figure to rise as more spouses and other family members realize the role they are playing.

Gina Canaday, wife of an Camp Pendleton explosives technician, was near the end of her ability to handle the stress of her husband's brain injury and untreated post-traumatic stress disorder.

“I didn't want to live like this anymore. The only reason that I'm still here is because I have children. That's not something you want to tell people, but it's the truth,” said Canaday, 44, a former soldier herself.

“I got married to stay married, but this isn't what I signed up for. When you feel that alone, it's easy to get so deep that you can't claw your way out of it.”

Canaday and another Camp Pendleton spouse, 31-year-old Shannon Duncan, describe living in a shadowy world of isolation.
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For the Love of Jack When an article like the above comes out, it is important for us to know what life can be like for many military families. After all, they knew the risks and were willing to accept them but when reality hits and wounds occur things can, and all too often, change. Some relationships are just not strong enough to endure. Others thieve.

It is even more of an obligation when we enter into relationships with veterans after they leave the military. For us, we don't have to worry about deployments. We have to worry about what came after them. We don't have to "hold down the fort" while they are gone. We have to hold everything together.

Military families have an advantage because they did it together supported by other military families. For veterans and their families, too many enter into relationships they are not prepared for and when they understand they need support, they can't find it.

This isn't a contest about who has it harder or who does it better. I marvel at the strength of many couples I meet because they are still part of the military life. Still we cannot forget that for caregivers of veterans, it was a choice made out of love after military life.