War Wed Call To Action for Every Veterans' Day

War Wed Call To Action for Every Veterans' Day
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
November 2, 2013

They decided to serve. We decided to love. They suffered because of where they went. We decided to stay. They fell apart. We decided to put them back together again.

I am not talking about the Afghanistan or Iraq veterans. I am talking about Vietnam veterans. Most of my friends have been married longer than the younger generation has been alive. We're older and wiser, but above all of that, we have proven that we are a hell of a lot stronger than PTSD is.

There was a time when I thought all I had to do was love my husband good enough and he'd get better. That was over 30 years ago. It was before the Internet allowed people to find others in the same position that had become part of their lives. We didn't have self help groups or anything else to teach us. Even our own parents couldn't help.

Their generation dealt with what combat did to WWII and Korean veterans without talking about it. Feeling as if they had something to be ashamed of, they covered up when their husband's drank too much, vanished for days and acted out. They pretended sleeping on the couch was normal. No big deal. Nothing was a big deal on the surface but they buried their burdens as well as their husbands way too soon.

My generation was curious. We always had to find answers for everything. We found what we needed to know to help our veterans. Determined to do better than our parents did we learned. That's the point. Each generation learns from the past if they are willing to listen. So why the hell aren't you?

It doesn't matter if your veteran is male or female, if you were together when they served or came along afterwards like I did. The only thing that matters is if you love them or not. Do you? Then are you willing to do whatever it takes to help them heal? Then learn what it is.


Hero After War from Kathleen "Costos" DiCesare on Vimeo.


This is an older video but you'll get the point.
Learn what it is and then remember the thing you love most about them is the thing that made them hurt do deeply.

That ability to care so much let what they had to go through attach to their soul. The ability to have such strong emotions also allowed stronger pain to come.

Then they get angry because they feel terrible about the stranger taking over inside of them and they forget that loving part of them is still there. They forget why they joined. They forget what they did to stay alive in combat and how they risked their lives to save others. They forget how they hug onto that compassion and courage until all of them were back home one way or another. They forgot how they were able to still hang onto that goodness within them while people were trying to kill them and cowards were planting bombs to blow them up.

Along the way they forgot that part of them that made you say the words "I love you" or why they were sure you did.

When was the last time you looked at them and saw their soul thru their eyes? When did you just hold them because you knew they needed it without them saying a word? When was the last time you told them "you're a good man" or "you are beautiful" because you are so fixated on what they are doing wrong? Did you ever once consider why they are doing something wrong?

You have millions of places to do basic research in your pajamas. How much time do you spend on Facebook or playing games? Ever think of putting in the same kind of effort to save someone you are supposed to love?

I did go into combat. I didn't get to pick what my husband did before we met. I just got to decide to fight for him or leave. I made the choice to fight for his life because that is what love does. Vietnam was his war but when he came home it was my turn to fight the battle for his life.

Read our story and know that for every life I saved afterwards, it started with the love of Jack.