International Survivors of Suicide Day

This is some of the best advice families need to hear after suicide. The grief we feel is not just about how they left us but about a thousand questions that cannot be answered. "What did we do wrong?" We always want to know why they didn't know how much we loved them. Why didn't they trust us, open up to let us know? Most of the time, they just didn't know how.

It was not a contest of love. Not about how much we love them but more about how much they are able to love themselves. We are left behind wondering why they couldn't realize how much they meant.

International Survivors of Suicide Day
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
November 23, 2013

International Survivors of Suicide Day

Every year, survivors of suicide loss gather together in locations around the world to feel a sense of community, to promote healing, and to connect with others who have had similar experiences. This year, join us for International Survivors of Suicide Day on Saturday, November 23, 2013.

Each location welcomes survivors of suicide loss, providing a safe and healing space where everyone can comfortably participate in a way that is meaningful to them. Join with others to listen to a diverse group of survivors discuss their losses, how they coped, and much more.

Come in person to experience the powerful sense of connection and community that is forged between survivors of suicide loss. You are not alone. This day is for you.

Here Is a Very Special Preview from This Year's Program

Listen in as survivors of suicide loss share what they wished they had known in the early days:

2013 International Survivors of Suicide Day - Special Preview from AFSP on Vimeo.


When I wrote For the Love of Jack, His War My Battle about my husband, a Vietnam Vet with PTSD and how our lives were changed, it was about facing suicide as well. His nephew Andy turned 19 in Vietnam just like Jack did.

Andy was going out on patrol with his buddies after he had already down a sweep checking for bombs. Three of them were walking together when Andy stopped to tie his bootlace. His buddies were up ahead when a bomb blew up killing both of them and sending shrapnel into Andy. He wound have been right between them had he not stopped. Andy blamed himself for their deaths.

At such a young age it was the second time he blamed himself for someone dying. When he was in school, his Dad, a cop, was laying on the floor from a gunshot wound to his head when Andy came home.

There is a lot of his story I will never know. He came home addicted to heroin. There was a drug deal he was involved in later on and someone was killed. Andy didn't pull the trigger but he went to jail, yet again blaming himself for someone dying. By the time he was released, he tried to pick up his life with finding jobs and losing jobs just as fast.

By the time I met him, he was starting his life over again. He met a woman determined to help him recover. He was getting back on his feet, filed a claim with the VA for PTSD and the wounds he received. He was really happy when it was approved and he received 100%. He started to feel worthy of a better life again just when he started to have problems with pain.

The VA sent him for an MRI but moments before it started, someone stopped the test because of the metal still in his body. It could have killed him. Days later he heard from the Army after requesting his records telling him that his unit did not exist.

That sent Andy over the edge. It was as if the Army told him the deaths of his buddies never happened and the shrapnel in his body as a constant reminder of what he viewed as his fault didn't really matter.

Andy started using heroin again. He checked himself into a motel room when the pain got too much to carry with enough heroin to kill 10 men, barricaded the door and ended his life.

No one in Andy's family understood Vietnam but Jack did. He couldn't understand why Andy didn't talk to him about what was going on. I couldn't understand why he didn't come to me. The woman he lived with didn't understand why he didn't go to her. So did his sister and brother and his son. Everyone was wondering why he didn't let us know what was going on.

By the time Andy committed suicide I had been helping other veterans for over a decade. My husband was getting better by the help he got from the VA and me in a way, but as his wife, I couldn't really do more than just make is life a little easier. I took Andy's death hard wondering what I missed, didn't say and what I could have done differently. Every time I read about a suicide, I remember Andy. I was in a different position than anyone else around Andy but he didn't trust me enough to listen to what I had to say. He kept telling me I was too young to understand.

The way I cope with this is trying to make a difference for other veterans with PTSD and their families. I've seen the darkest of days with my husband and Andy but I've also seen the other side when lives got better.

Watching the video above and hearing the pain in their voices has me remembering all the losses over the years but those memories will pass the way they always do and I'll remember the healing that came for others because of Andy and Jack and the change they made in me.