If you don't know them anymore

If you don't know them anymore
Wounded Times Blog
Kathie Costos
June 29, 2013

If you want to know what it is like inside other families of veterans with PTSD, this song very well could be the best explanation of it. "If you don't know me by now" is sung by Simply Red in this video.

It is not a new song but was done in 1972 by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes

The beginning of the song is what we went through before my husband was finally getting the help he needed, far beyond what I could give.

If you don't know me by now

You will never never never know me

All the things that we've been through

You should understand me like I understand you

Now girl I know the difference between right and wrong

I ain't gonna do nothing to break up our happy home

Oh don't get so excited when I come home a little late at night

Cause we only act like children when we argue fuss and fight

As much as I expected him to know me, know what I needed from him, I expected him to know I was not going to leave. He expected the same out of me, but too many times I wasn't sure "who" he was. There were times when the trouble he caused made me forget about how most of the time he made my life so much better. The day we got married I said I was marrying my best friend. A couple of years later, mild PTSD turned into full force and I wasn't sure who he was anymore. I had to remind myself and know him all over again.

I would listen to many songs and remember what it was like. Our wedding song was A One in a Million. Sometime later the song that got to me the most was I can't make you love me even though it came out in 1991, it still gets to me.
Our lives have changed so much since then and we found what works for us. Almost 29 years since I took that walk toward him we're still walking together and holding hands.

If you are married to a veteran with PTSD, take a walk with him back in your own history. Take out old photos of better days before you play this video. Look at the memories you shared and try to remember what he/she was like before the changes started to take over. The person you loved is still there. You just have to look for them in a different way. Look at the pictures while you hear the words and then ask yourself if you want to help them find themselves again or not. They were worth loving then, they are worth loving now.