Fort Hood Pilot said "I don't know how to live in this world" before suicide

Who's Left Behind When a Soldier Commits Suicide?
Becca Morrison's husband came home from Iraq and killed himself. She's "still here, and still fighting."
Dallas Observer
By ANNA MERLAN
Thursday, Jun 20 2013

The day after her husband's funeral, a week or so after she found him, Rebecca Morrison somehow managed to get dressed and get in the car. She was exhausted, wrung out of tears.

She could barely move or speak. All that week her family and friends had to feed her, bathe her, walk her to the bathroom, sleep beside her. Every few seconds she had flashbacks to the scene in their house. Each time, she screamed.

"I miss Iraq," Ian would tell Becca. "I miss the regimen of it. I don't know how to live in this world."

Becca flew to New York to talk about equine therapy with soldiers there, and keeps a horse of her own.

Now she and her mom had to get back from Killeen, where Ian's funeral had been held, to Dallas, where Becca's parents lived. Becca, 25 at the time, had been given a lot of medication to help her through: Xanax, Ambien, an antidepressant, things she didn't usually take. Between the meds and the grief, she could barely speak. She slumped in her seat. Her mom, Pam, drove and worried.

The following Monday, Ian showed up at the Thomas Moore Clinic at Fort Hood and waited for more than three hours, she says. Finally, someone told him that because he flew helicopters, they couldn't see him there. He'd have to see his flight surgeon instead. He was sent away empty-handed, Becca says. (Officials at Fort Hood did not respond to multiple interview requests.)

When he finally did see the flight surgeon that afternoon, Becca says, Ian came home complaining that the man was brusque and cold. He prescribed him Ambien, grounded him from flying helicopters — a huge blow to a pilot — and told him to come back in a week. Ian also tried the next day to enroll in a sleep study on the base and was told there'd be no openings for a month.

Two days later, Ian saw a second flight surgeon. This one quickly diagnosed him with major depression, then gave him prescriptions for antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.

Recognizing the seriousness of that diagnosis, Becca urged Ian to go to the R and R clinic on the base, their equivalent of an emergency room. He did, talking to her on the phone the whole way there. But he soon left after being told that the wait was more than two hours. He drove home instead, where he waved to the couple's neighbor, parked the car in the garage and went inside. He left his shoes lined up neatly by the door.

The couple had been texting back and forth all day; in late afternoon, heading into her evening classes and still worried, Becca suggested Ian call a 24-hour military crisis hotline called Military OneSource. He promised that he would. About 45 minutes later, he texted her to say that he was still on hold. At 7 p.m. or so, while she was leading a group therapy session and couldn't pick up the phone, he called. He didn't leave a message.

Becca got home a few hours later. She walked into their bedroom and found his body surrounded by blood, a handgun lying nearby.
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"I don't know how to live in this world." The truth is, after all these years, most do not. How can that be when every month is seems the military is issuing another press release on how they "get it" and are taking steps to reduce suicides? It looks as if members of Congress have figured out the right way to play the game of appearing to care. Senator Joe Donnelly added insult to injury with his latest attempt.

Jacob Sexton Military Suicide Prevention Act This is based on what is in Donnelly's heart but he is wrong. It may have the opposite results. He mentioned that most do not express their feelings before committing suicide. Why? Why don't they talk about it? Because they feel they cannot or it really won't matter if they do. With all these years of "training" to prevent suicide, don't you think it is time they change what they have been doing?

This is my comment.

"Fit to serve" will prevent them from admitting they need help. I know it sounds good but you have to remember some of these men and women cheat on tests so they can stay in. They do not want to leave where they always wanted to be. Remember, they wanted to join and most never thought of doing anything else. They need to know why they have PTSD and understand it is not their fault. They are not weak but have strong ability to care. The DOD and VA have to undo damage done first.

Donnely mentioned that many of them had not been deployed but did not discuss the fact that training is very traumatic and they hear about the amputations along with deaths from IED. If those who served in combat do not feel comfortable talking, how do they expect those who have not been deployed to talk? They got the message that if they trained right, their brains would be tough enough. In other words that message translated into if they have problems, it is their fault and they are mentally weak. If they thought this "training" would encourage communication, it prevented it instead.

In 2007 then Representative Donnelly thought it was a good idea to privatize TBI treatment.

Pretty much this is all part of why Wounded Times is tracking all these reports. It happened in my own family when no one was really doing much about it. I almost lost my husband but we did lose his nephew. That all happened before all the spending on "prevention" started. In all these years, I have learned what works simply because I paid attention to the experts. I can spot trouble a mile away after over 30 years and everything they claim they are doing are not producing the stated goal.

It is going to get a lot worse and families will have to bury more and suffer for what this nation failed to do.