Rescue hero became suicidal with post-traumatic stress

Rescue hero became suicidal with post-traumatic stress
Sydney Morning Herald
May 16, 2013
Tim Barlass

A police officer who was awarded the highest decoration for civilian bravery after rescuing a boy from a stormwater drain planned to end his own life after a psychological breakdown. Detective Senior Constable Allan Sparkes, who almost drowned after entering the drain to free the 11-year-old in Coffs Harbour after a downpour, was later awarded the Cross of Valour.

But he has now given an insight into debilitating mental illness caused by 20 years of exposure to the trauma of police work.

‘‘The darkest of these days was the day I looked down at my service revolver, longing for death, knowing what damage this gun in my hands could do, knowing how instantaneous death would be at the end of its barrel,’’ he writes in his new book, The Cost of Bravery.

As he contemplated putting the gun in his mouth, a police colleague walked into the room, and Sparkes returned the weapon to its holster and handed it to the other officer. ‘‘That day I was Humpty Dumpty at the bottom of the wall, the day the heart and very soul of me shattered into a thousand pieces,’’ he wrote.
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