Central Florida Stand Down so we can Stand Up

Central Florida Stand Down so we can Stand Up
by Kathie Costos
Wounded Times Blog
May 19, 2013

Yesterday I put up a post Stressed out volunteers for veterans need Stand Down too! because after the Stand Down in Sanford it occurred to me that for all the people helping veterans, we are all in need of help for ourselves. Sure we can network to figure out who else is doing what for the veterans so we can help them get what they need, but frankly, we do a lousy job of networking for ourselves.

Who is out there able to help us? Support us? Fund us? Listen to us when we are stressed out, lost, at the end of our ropes so we don't give up?

Stop and think that while you read what I do everyday, you don't even know half of it and I'm fine with that but you don't see any of what most people are doing on a daily basis. I can tell you first hand the last thing we want is a reward for it simply because no one can top the reward we receive when a magnificent veteran is pulled out of despair. I've seen them come through some of the darkest times in their lives, especially considering most of the time they contact me, they are suicidal. The first thing they want to do when they get back on their feet and heal is to help other veterans. Do you think there is anything anyone can give me that would come close to topping knowing them? Hell no!

The trouble is getting from one day to another as one veteran helped is replaced by another in need or a family member blaming themselves when it is too late to learn what no one told them. I get burnt out all the time but what I have is a network of Point Man leaders I can call to be able to talk about all of this.

The best example of this is when I was writing THE WARRIOR SAW, SUICIDES AFTER WAR. Families asked me to write it because of all the research I had on Wounded Times along with what I know few others seem to know when it comes to living with PTSD. I knew this project would drain me emotionally because I when I was working on research for a suicide video, I crashed. This time was different because I knew I had people I could call when I was about at my breaking point. I knew I had to do this work but I knew I couldn't do it alone. I had Dana Morgan, the President of Point Man International Ministries to call along with other members and a weekly Skype conference call with other leaders to help me do this.

It is hard to ask for help when you are a helper but it is even hard when you don't know who to ask for help and get it. I had the support I needed and finished the book so that families would have what they needed me to do.

I have a religious background that is odd considering I am Greek Orthodox but managed to work two years as Administrator of Christian Education for a Presbyterian Church plus became a Chaplain specializing in crisis intervention for first responders. I had people teaching me what I didn't know so I could be better at what I do. I had people teaching me how to make better videos at Valencia College. I have a background research, historical and combat plus current events, all written by other people so I could learn from them. Psychologists and psychiatrists taught me what I needed to know about way the mind works. What qualifies me more than anything else is the fact I am the wife of a Vietnam Vet with PTSD. He taught me what it was like to have all of this going on inside of him and how I could help him. What I stand for is the fact if I can understand all of this, anyone can. I am an average person, so I can stand by their sides and tell them things the "professionals" can't tell them. I am also smart enough to know that there is very little I would know if I did not have them to turn to and learn from.

I have a huge stack of business cards because of all the meetings I go to and events I film because all of us are trying to do our best for our veterans. All of us have different talents so someone can always learn something from me and I never stop learning from them.

There came a time when I thought I have just been doing this work for too long because too many people out there before I came along vanished. They gave up. It isn't that they were not smart enough, dedicated enough or tried hard enough. They gave up because they were not supported. They were not given what they need, when they needed it. Just because someone was lousy at finding the support they didn't get did not make them a failure. It just meant they didn't find someone to give them what they needed so they could give what they had to give.

There are things I am fantastic with but there is a long list of things I am lousy at. When I up the post yesterday at the bottom I wrote "Smarter heads out there in Orange and Seminole County Florida need to figure out a way to start taking care of the doers or we'll end up joining those in need waiting for someone to help us but there won't be anyone there." This morning someone smarter than me responded.

Bob Brambury of Veterans Multi Purpose Center has been a great friend for a long time and I visited his ranch last year. This is a beautiful ranch with horses helping veterans heal after combat. Bob and his family are dedicated and delightful. Anyway, he already came up with a plan to deliver a way to help us have a day just for ourselves. He offered his ranch for July 4th weekend.

This is a news report about his ranch.


Naturally this is in the beginning stages of planning but I wanted readers to know that when people join forces to help each other, mountains move out of the way.

There will be a day for us to connect with each other and find the kind of support we need to be able to go on helping our veterans. I don't want to see more good people slip away when they have so much more to give especially when the greatest need is in front of us. Vietnam veterans are discovering they did not escape combat as well as they thought they did now they are retiring and the sleeping symptoms of PTSD have awakened. Gulf War veterans are in need. Iraq veterans are in need and soon troops will be out of Afghanistan. We're already seeing the numbers way too high compared to past wars at the same time we're playing catch up to the veterans that have been waiting even longer. This will require even more helpers for their sake and the experienced providers will be in even more demand so we can teach the new people willing to do this work.

While there is a rising number of new charities popping up all over the country they will need our wisdom if they are going to be able to know enough about what works and avoid what has already failed.

In the coming week there will be more news on the Stand Down for us but I wanted you to know that someone with a smarter head than mine is coming up with a plan for our sake.