Have the energy to carry the weight of others

Today I heard about another suicide of a veteran leaving everyone in shock. He was in the Orlando area and had told many veterans to get help explaining that PTSD is nothing to be ashamed of and they could get better. This happens way more often than you read about in your local paper so I thought it would be a good time to explain what I think I finally figured out.

Years ago, in the late 90's my life was wearing on me. After all, I was helping everyone else because it made me feel better knowing I could some good with my own pain. Living with a combat PTSD veteran is not fun. The problem was I was not really dealing with my own pain. I was avoiding it. Usually slow to anger and over it fast, I started to feel angry most of the time. I knew I was in trouble. I started to hate everything and was not fond of many. Talking to my own family members left me feeling frustrated because I was still hearing "get a divorce" but at least it wasn't as often. They just couldn't understand what I was trying to tell them. I didn't want to let it go again the way I did after my daughter was born and an infection almost killed me. I was actually praying to die. Anyway, I knew I to do something so I called our family doctor and he recommended a few family psychologists. After I called a few, I ended up with some with a lot of experience with PTSD. Even though I didn't have it, it was still part of the problem I had. I finally addressed my own pain and those dark days were over.

I am a helper. Always have been. It is very hard for helpers to ask for help. All too often we ignore our own needs to the point where we just crash. That is what happened to the one I heard about today. If you are a helper make sure you take care of you.

Have support for yourself. If you don't think any less of the people you help then understand no one can really think less of you for doing what you preach about doing. To this day I have a list of people I call when I am feeling the need. I also advise against helping others too soon. If you are not healing and strong enough, it can drain the life out of you. Get strong first so you can be able to help others. Don't rush it.

A lot of time veterans tell me they want to do what I do and I tell them they will get there when they are ready. If they rush it, they can do more harm to themselves than help anyone else. They are helpers and they are happy doing what they are uniquely qualified to do but first they need to "heal thyself" before doing it for others. I know I came close to popping my cork when someone was just not listening. My patience was that thin. Get strong so you can have the energy to carry the weight of others.

Remember, when I got help I was a know-it-all and was emailing experts but never once did I want them to see how much I needed their help. I am only here now because I got past that ego trip I was on and understood that if I was telling someone there was nothing wrong with asking for help I had better live it in my own life.