Home from War, Reservists Struggle to Find Support

Home from War, Reservists Struggle to Find Support
WNYC News
Friday, July 13, 2012
By Abbie Fentress Swanson : Culture Editor & Interactive Content Producer

Listen to WNYC host Soterios Johnson talk with David Segal, who teaches Sociology at the University of Maryland, about the particular challenges facing members of the National Guard and Reserves.

Amid the spa, cocktail bar and other trappings of The Heldrich Hotel, a luxury hotel in New Brunswick, NJ, are eight couples who have signed up for a weekend retreat – who are trying to get quality time without the kids. But it’s not all relaxing, these couples are here to work on their marriages, and they’re being led by Staff Sergeant Anthony Mauro in a Strong Bonds for Couples training for New Jersey Army National Guard members and their spouses.

In an afternoon session, Staff Sergeant Mauro asks the couples to split up by gender and make ‘Top 10’ lists of what they think their spouses need in a relationship.

The women go first.

“Of course at the top of the list we put that men want sex from their wives,” the spokeswoman for the group said. “Followed by food and/or a personal chef.”

She says men also want submissive women. They don’t want to be nagged but they do want a “man cave,” an ego boost and a stylist.

The men go next.

“Romance, money, security, communication, honesty, empathy, love and affection … quality time and a lot of chocolate,” one of the husbands reads from the list.

Actually, says Staff Sergeant Mauro, studies show love is what most women want in relationships and respect is what men are looking for.

Due to the nature of the National Guard and the Reserves, it’s not always easy to get help before or after deployments. Unlike active duty servicemembers, National Guard members and reservists train near their hometowns one weekend a month and two weeks each summer with the expectation that they’ll help out with disaster response. Many who joined prior to 9/11 never imagined they would do two, three or four combat tours in Iraq or Afghanistan.
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