Don’t tell me I don’t understand struggles with PTSD

Op-Ed: Don’t tell me I don’t understand struggles with PTSD
By Samantha A. Torrence
Jul 2, 2012

Caretakers of veterans understand more than they are given credit for by their veterans and the citizens of their countries. The collective voice of many wives tells just how much they do understand.

“You just don’t understand.” Those four words seem to be the most recited mantra for many veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And, for many caretakers, that mantra is one of the most frustrating to hear. It means that our day is about to become a war zone, filled with suspicion and paper bullets of the brain. Many times in support groups we are told that we will never understand and, though we may be able to sympathize, we will never be able to empathize. I disagree.

I do understand. I understand more than I am given credit for, and I think people need to become aware that caretakers and military spouses are not exempt from the hardships of war. Our cross is just as heavy; it is simply shaped differently.

I may not have enlisted, but I did voluntarily marry a man who went into the military.

He was willing to give up his life for his country, and I have given up my life, my best friend, and my partner for my country. He came home in body, but he is no longer the man I married. I stay to care for a stranger. My life no longer belongs to me; it belongs to my husband, the VA, the State, and the Republic. Just like people say that Veterans do not deserve to be pitied because they volunteered for their hardships, I am also told that I chose to stay in this marriage and deserve no more than bumper-sticker salutes.

I may not have gone into a war zone where I could be shot at or blown up, but my world is a war zone. I wake up every day ready to be a human shield for my husband. I take the brunt of the criticisms and accusations from others so that he will not be triggered. My enemy is just as invisible as the insurgents, for I never know when someone will hate me for simply being married to a military man and therefore deny me the opportunities I need to keep my family afloat. I take "friendly fire" every time my veteran is triggered. I live with a constant awareness that, if I do not keep my veteran calm, I will have to endure a battlefield of anger waged in my heart and soul with the casualties being my emotions and self-worth.
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