March 04, 2012
Molly McGowan/Times-News
Military deployment doesn’t just impact the troops who leave home to serve.
Not by a long shot.
It’s also a tumultuous time for the families left behind. Alamance County native Crystal Cavalier knows all about it.
Cavalier, now living in Fort Bragg, has raised her children, worked with several organizations for military families, seen her oldest daughter diagnosed with juvenile arthritis, started a nonprofit and earned her master’s degree while her husband, Sgt. Dany Cavalier, was deployed in the Middle East.
That’s why the sergeant nominated his wife for the 2011 Military Spouse of the Year Award, sponsored by Military Spouse Magazine and Armed Forces Insurance. Though the overall winner was Bianca Strzalkowski, representing the Marine Corps, Cavalier is the 2011 Army branch award-winner, the 2011 Army Spouse of the Year.
Born in Burlington, Cavalier grew up in Mebane and graduated from Eastern High School before attending the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Cavalier’s been a military spouse for more than a decade, and has lived at Fort Bragg for the past six years, where her husband — an E5 mechanic — is stationed during his current tour of duty to South Korea.
Cavalier said her husband has been deployed four times. He’s served three tours in Iraq and once in Kosovo. Each deployment ranged from seven to 14 months and during those times, Cavalier kept busy.
All the work she’s done — both volunteer and paid — has been to help families of military personnel stay informed, become acclimated and gain as much peace as possible while their loved ones are overseas. As soon as she got married, Cavalier volunteered in her husband’s “family readiness group,” then became a leader of the FRG at Fort Stewart and Fort Riley.
The first time her husband came back, he was only home for a short time and didn’t have enough down time to “forget about what happened,” said Cavalier. His second deployment was tougher.
“He was actually blown up on his Humvee … (and) he was stabbed in the back by an insurgent,” she said. “When he came home, he started showing signs of PTSD.”
Cavalier said many soldiers originally thought it a sign of weakness to ask for help or therapy following deployment, but she said it’s important for them to feel at ease asking for medical help. That’s why Cavalier spoke at this year’s Boots on the Ground Conference in Fayetteville, where she emphasized to non-military medical professionals the importance of making resources available to soldiers who no longer live on a base.
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Thank you so much for posting this article...I do take PTSD seriously and I am such a huge advocate for PTSD
ReplyDeleteMy name is Cassie and my husband has been on 4 tours sense desert storm and his PTSD set in on the first tour of duty. No one can ever understand what this does to your husband, to his family or to his children or others family members...because they are never the same again. My heart goes out to all of the people in this world in every branch of service that has ever dealt with such a demon as this disease of PTSD. This country must take a stand to help these families for what we have given up for them.... we have lost the love of our lives, our friends, our strength, our life partners, our husbands, the fathers of our children and no amount of money could ever give us what we have lost forever in them. The pain that this has caused is unbearable....they deserve better....as their wives we deserve better....this country should be ashamed for how they just let these men just fall through the cracks after all they have done for their country. It brings me to tear and disgusts me to think about it. Lets take a stand....no ones family should ever live the HELL we have as a family. I'm divorced now because of this....PTSD stole my life, my LOVE, my best friend and my marriage. I HATE THIS DISEASE!
ReplyDeleteThank you Crissy, keep fighting for them.
ReplyDeleteCassie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. It has happened to too many other wives. I was almost one of the statistics. The difference was that I knew what PTSD was and why it changed my husband. Even knowing what I knew, it was almost impossible to stay together when he had his darkest days.
Take some hope from the fact that the more you learn about what PTSD is, you'll be able to forgive him and yourself. Many ex-wives have ended up with relationships with their ex-husbands later on.
I had to forgive my husband for what PTSD caused and myself for being all too human at times.