When you are not "that" anymore

When you are not "that" anymore
by
Chaplain Kathie

I've had my share of successes and honestly, more failures, in my life. I went from being my parents little girl to a rowdy teenager in the blink of an eye. My parents are both gone now, so I am no one's daughter. I went from being the kid sister to two brothers, to being no one's sister after they passed away. One of my brothers passed away at the age of 42 and the other at the age of 56.

I've had a lot of jobs. Most of them came with a title and some power. With each job change came the realization I was not "that" person anymore. I'd go from being the "go to" person with all the answers into a new employee needing help finding the ladies room. While I took my experience with me, I had to let go of who I used to be.

I used to always have a date but then I got married to someone no one wanted me to marry. It lasted less than two years. I was no longer his wife and had to change my name back to the name I had all my life. Then I fell in love again and again had to change my name. 27 years ago I became Kathie DiCesare, wife, then Mom. Each time we moved I became someone else's neighbor. I was not "that" neighbor everyone knew. I became another stranger in a new neighborhood, discovering where to shop and the best way to get around traffic.

Almost 4 years ago I lost my job working for a church because of the economy. Not able to find anything I really wanted to do, I went back to college. In classes with students my daughter's age, with most knowing a lot more than I do about the equipment and programs we're using, I had to let go of my pride so I could learn what they know. I was a professional but I'm not that anymore. I'm a student.
Angel Art

I used to have a reputation of being Nam Guardian Angel. I've been online forever it seems but no matter how hard I worked or what I knew, time has proven me right, but it didn't do much good when no one with any power to change what was wrong knew I was alive. My website is shut down now because I just couldn't afford to keep it going or find the time to change it. After almost 20 years, I am no longer Nam Guardian Angel, but now just one more blogger trying to make a difference, hoping and praying what I do does some good to someone. While my "this and that" have changed, I am still the "who" I always was.

Each one of us goes through changes in our lives when we have to face the fact we are no longer "that" anymore and we become some other "that" looking back on what we used to be.

Young men and women leave ROTC heading for the place in their lives where they always wanted to be. They couldn't think of doing anything else. They go into the military planning on spending the rest of their working lives there but end up wounded and discharged from their dreams. They have to go from "that" career they always wanted to do into the unknown wondering what else can fulfill them the same way.

A combat medic going back to college is opening up text books remembering he used to have the life of a wounded soldier in the palm of his hands. He used to spend his days in danger but now spends them under pressure to pass a test so that he can become a "that" he wants to spend the rest of his life doing.

Each one of the veterans we have in this country has gone from being "that Soldier" "that Marine" "that Sailor" "that Airman" or citizen soldier in the National Guards or Reserves, into being civilian all over again. But for them, it isn't "all over again" because they've seen a side of humanity they will never forget. It has become a part of them. All the evil they saw mixed with love. Yes, love. The kind of love that developed to the point where they are willing to die to save the life of someone else. The love that causes them to give up everything the rest of us spend time with like our families, watching our kids grow up day to day and sleeping in our own bed every night. While they are no longer doing "that" in the next part of their lives, it is part of them.

The rest of us look at them and expect them to just move on but we never seem able to understand that we never really moved on from the "that" that we used to be. I am still my parent's daughter, my brother's sister, just as I still have the same mind that was able to learn each new job I was given a title to. I am still the same person that started to reach out to veterans almost 30 years ago in a local newspaper back home and face to face. Back then we did't have computers on our desk at home, laptops to take with us or even cellphones. While everything we "do" changes, who we are remains constant.

For combat veterans, the "who" they always used to be is still in there but we have to help them find themselves again after "that" part of their lives is over. While we all have regrets in our lives, their regrets involve lives. Help them to see what was good because they were there and doing "that" they managed to do. If they regret being where they were because they no longer see the reason as "honorable" help them to see their original intent was. Help them to see that it was about fighting for each other in the end because that is what it all boils down to.

There is one more thing that helps them. Help them feel "that" again. The sense of belonging to a group of people so unselfish they were willing to anything for someone else. There are so many groups in this country today they could join. Look them up online and find one that suits them. Patriot Guard Riders, Rolling Thunder, some motorcycle groups and organizations out there doing good for their communities seems to work best for them but as long as they feel that sense of belonging again, that's really all that matters.