The War at Home: PTSD affects families, too

There should be absolutely no more excuses for any family suffering because of PTSD. There were plenty of them to go around up until Vietnam Veterans came home and said "enough" secrecy. All generations of veterans came home with the same enemy imbedded within them for the rest of their lives. Some had terrible memories waking up once in a while but for others, it was as if they were under constant attack. Vietnam veterans pushed for research and treatment. Wives like me had nothing to learn from because our own parents wouldn't talk about it.

As a "military brat" myself, my Dad only mentioned "shell shock" once. That was right after he met my husband when we were dating. I knew my Dad was different but everyone in the family passed off what was going on as part of alcoholism. No one talked about Korea.

Vietnam veterans wives managed to somehow obtain PhD level education in order to save our husbands' lives and keep our families together. Raising our kids as normal as possible and trying to find some kind of peaceful coexistence were the battles we had to fight because "he" fought in combat.

We've been married 27 years but friends of ours are heading toward 40 years even with combat PTSD trying to take over. It isn't impossible but it is hard and a daily struggle.

We learned by our mistakes and all these years of trying to find what works but the "new" wives/husbands don't want to hear it. They don't want to know what to expect when "Johnny comes back home" changed by where he has been.

When PTSD is mild, it is the best time to reach out to them and get them into some kind of therapy. It stops getting worse the moment they talk about it. The families can either help with that or we can make it worse because of unreasonable and uninformed expectations. We can wait for them to just get over it the way they did before or we can learn to understand what we are seeing in them. Knowing what the changes mean and what they are trying to express with the way they react can save them. Ignorance will kill off any chance of having a marriage last and contributes to the rise in suicides.

When they come home with PTSD, their battle isn't over and our's, well that has just begun.

The War at Home: PTSD affects families, too
What to do if you suspect a family member has PTSD

Updated: Wednesday, 02 Nov 2011, 4:21 PM CDT
Published : Wednesday, 02 Nov 2011, 4:21 PM CDT

WALA Staff Report
When someone has PTSD, it can change family life. The person with PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He or she may not want to do things you used to enjoy together.

You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one. You also may feel angry about what's happening to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the way they were. These feelings and worries are common in people who have a family member with PTSD.

It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. But you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family life are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to cope.
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