Military families say war takes toll on them too

I don't know what it is like to help my husband pack for deployment. I don't know what it is like to get up every morning and know suddenly I have to do everything plus worry about him while he is in combat or what it is like to worry about a car pulling up in front of the house with strangers preparing to give me the news he isn't coming home.

When I was growing up I was surrounded by veterans. My uncles were WWII veterans and my Dad was a Korean vet. My Mom and her sisters knew what it was like to go through those years. I was born well after they all came home. Even though it was clear they were changed by what they experienced, they seemed to be doing fine.

When Vietnam veterans, like my husband came home, wives like me had no clue how much they would change in just a year. My husband came home in 1971 but we didn't meet until 1982, so I had no idea what he as like before Vietnam. Honestly before I met him, I was like most people in the country, ignoring what was going on. When he enlisted at the age of 17, I was only 10. I was in what was called Jr. High, now called Middle School when he came home at the age of 19. Up until the age of 23 when we met, I didn't want to know what war was like.

All that said, I understand why young wives and husbands want to avoid learning about war just as much as they want to avoid learning about PTSD. I get it. I understand how someone could want to push all of it out of their head. What I don't get is the idea of ignoring it will make it all go away.

If everything available to today's veterans and families was available to us when we had nothing to learn from, our lives would have been much different. Our parents wouldn't talk about it and the Internet was still a pipe dream. It was very hard to find other families connected to Vietnam but really easy to find families connected to the protestors.

You don't know how lucky you are to grow up in the technology age when information and support is available with Google search. Lucky living with PTSD? Absolutely because if you have knowledge you have the tools you need to help them heal. As with everything else, if you never learn how to use the tools, you can't fix anything. Take the time to learn what PTSD is and then you'll be amazed with the simple fact you saw then through their darkest days arriving years later with a strong bond and a strong marriage. Not learning what PTSD is a guaranteed divorce and quite possibly standing by a grave because they committed suicide. When they feel as if you are all they have and you turn against them out of ignorance, they feel they have lost all hope. Fight this battle by their side and then you can look back 30 years later knowing the battle was well worth it.

As deployment looms, military families say war takes its toll on them, too
Posted: Thu, Sep 22, 2011
By Juliana Keeping
AnnArbor.com Health and Environment Reporter

National Guard solider Drew Cummings smiles as he poses for a photograph with his wife Amy and their 4-year-old daughter Ella in their Milan apartment.
Melanie Maxwell I AnnArbor.com

Leaving his wife, Amy, and young daughter, Ella, was the hardest thing Drew Cummings had experienced when he left for Iraq in 2008.

“She’s standing there, watching me go, and I could hear her sobbing, saying ‘Please don’t go,’ and Ella was crying. It was awful,” he said.

It turned out the year-long separation during war would be the easy part.
The family's biggest battle hit when Drew came home.

Drew and Amy Cummings’ marriage hit rock bottom in the months following his return in late 2008 from his first deployment with the Michigan Army National Guard.

Now, Drew is set to deploy for a second time with the Michigan Army National Guard’s 1st Battalion, 125th Infantry Unit. Its call sign is the Viking Battalion.

Drew, 25, will leave Amy, 27, and Ella, 4, for one year.

He extended his contract with the National Guard in order to deploy to Afghanistan again. Cummings will make the trip with fellow soldiers Neil Gikas, 26 and his superior, and Adam Betz, profiled on AnnArbor.com on 9/11. All three will share their stories with AnnArbor.com in the series "Vikings War" until the deployment ends.

Cummings and Betz, 30, know deployment can take a toll on families. Betz and his wife divorced following the battalion's 2008 deployment. Cummings came home full of rage and unable to sleep. For months, Cummings refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.

“It’s got to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Amy said, tearing up. “The hardest situation I’ve ever had to deal with. Afterwards is the worst.”

Drew was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, an anxiety disorder that can cause a wide range of symptoms, including nightmares, insomnia, depression, frightening thoughts, emotional numbness and other issues.

With help from doctors and counselors, they got through it.
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