How he used to be before PTSD

by
Chaplain Kathie

Here's a great video talking about "not crazy" that sums up what PTSD looks like from the inside. While this video does not mention combat or PTSD, it fits.
Matchbox Twenty Unwell

Their families know them, know what they are like, what they love, what they cannot tolerate, just as much as they know the sound of their voice, their laugh and the sound of their tears. Parents see the changes in them when they come home, but most of the time they don't understand what they are seeing. They just want their son or daughter to go back to the way they were before they went away to risk their lives in combat.

No one comes home unchanged. Some come home stronger, appreciating simple things in their lives. Others come home deeply changed by the traumas encountered during combat operations. The old "them" is not gone. They are still there but dealing with a lot of pain they cannot control on their own any more than they could control the bullets and bombs they faced. They didn't fight in combat alone but too many want to believe this they can take on all by themselves.

"But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be"

The difference is, just as they changed with every major step in their lives growing up, they are adapting with the changes in their lives. When they get their drivers license, they don't go back to walking or taking the back seat while their parents drive them everywhere. They find independence as soon as they have the keys in their hands. Each change in their lives, brings changes in them.

With combat, they return from bullets and bombs trying to kill them, endless nights with little sleep and the constant threat of their life on the line handing over their heads along with the loss of their friends. On edge 24-7 for a year changes people. Going back changes them even more. With IED's blowing up their buddies, they know if they live one day the next time it could be them. They bring back those memories driving down their city street just as much as driving down a country road. Even when someone else is driving the car, those memories pop back to life.

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me"

When they think they are "crazy" it shows they don't understand PTSD. It did not start inside of them. It hit them. PTSD is caused by traumatic events and that is the only way it happens. Hearing voices, is because a PTSD flashback is more like a time trip where it all comes back. What they saw, what they felt, the way their body reacted and what they heard is all alive again. It is the same with nightmares.

The stigma of PTSD has a lot to do with how much they understand PTSD and how much they have a negative view of it. Knowing why they have it, why it picked on them, goes a long way to not only healing but making peace with what they cannot heal.

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

They are suffering because they cared and were still able to feel no matter what they were living through. He/she, is still there under the pain. If you help them to find themselves again, then the changes within them will not be all negative ones but positive steps in growing stronger.