PTSD: When you can't see the tears

When you see a picture like this it is clear they are wounded and will have to adjust to a different life.

Everything in his life changes. What if he loved to play football? He'd have to adjust to not being able to do that anymore. What if he loved to run and play with his kids? He'd have to learn how to spend time with them in a totally different way. He has to learn how to walk with a metal replacement to his missing leg and foot. Everyone seems to be able to understand the emotional healing he'll have to do.

When you see a picture like this, it is clear someone is in emotional pain.

While this image is all over the web, most people don't know what was behind the story that goes back to 2003.

U.S. military policeman Sgt. 1st Class Brian Pacholski, left, comforts his hometown friend, U.S. military policeman Sgt. David J. Borell, right, both from Toledo, Ohio, at the entrance of the U.S. military base in Balad, about 50 kilometers (30 miles) northwest of Baghdad, Friday, June 13, 2003. Borell broke down after seeing three Iraqi children who were injured while playing with explosive materials. (AP Photo/Victor R. Caivano)

Published on Monday, June 23, 2003 by the Associated Press
Burned Iraqi Children Turned Away By US Army Doctors
by Donna Abu-Nasr

BALAD, Iraq - On a scorching afternoon, while on duty at an Army airfield, Sgt. David J. Borell was approached by an Iraqi who pleaded for help for his three children, burned when they set fire to a bag containing explosive powder left over from war in Iraq.

Borell immediately called for assistance. But the two Army doctors who arrived about an hour later refused to help the children because their injuries were not life-threatening and had not been inflicted by U.S. troops.

Now the two girls and a boy are covered with scabs and the boy cannot use his right leg. And Borell is shattered.

"I have never seen in almost 14 years of Army experience anything that callous," said Borell, who recounted the June 13 incident to The Associated Press.

A U.S. military spokesman said the children's condition did not fall into a category that requires Army physicians to treat them — and that there was no inappropriate response on the part of the doctors.

The incident comes at a time when U.S. troops are trying to win the confidence of Iraqis, an undertaking that has been overwhelmed by the need to protect themselves against attacks. Boosting security has led to suspicion in encounters between Iraqis and Americans. There are increased pat-downs, raids on homes and arrests in which U.S. troops force people to the ground at gunpoint — measures the Iraqis believe are meant to humiliate them.

In addition, Iraqis maintain the Americans have not lived up to their promises to improve security and living conditions, and incidents like the turning away of the children only reinforce the belief that Americans are in Iraq only for their own interests.

For Borell, who has been in Iraq since April 17, what happened with the injured children has made him question what it means to be an American soldier.

"What would it have cost us to treat these children? A few dollars perhaps. Some investment of time and resources," said Borell, 30, of Toledo, Ohio.

"I cannot imagine the heartlessness required to look into the eyes of a child in horrid pain and suffering and, with medical resources only a brief trip up the road, ignore their plight as though they are insignificant," he added.

Maj. David Accetta, public affairs officer with the 3rd Corps Support Command, said the children's condition did not fall into a category that requires Army doctors to care for them. Only patients with conditions threatening life, limb or eyesight and not resulting from a chronic illness are considered for treatment.

"Our goal is for the Iraqis to use their own existing infrastructure and become self-sufficient, not dependent on U.S. forces for medical care," Accetta said in an e-mail to AP.

The incident came to light after an AP photographer took a picture of Borell being comforted by a colleague after the doctors refused to care for the children. When Borell's wife, Rachelle Douglas-Borell, saw the photo, she contacted AP with a copy of a letter he sent her describing what happened.
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Burned Iraqi Children Turned Away By US Army Doctors

We think of them as soldiers but forget just how human they are. We have a harder time thinking of Marines as humans with the same emotions the rest of us have. When we see an image like this, we have our heart tugged for a moment but then we let it go just as we expect that Sgt. Borell should have just let it go after. The problem comes when they can't let it go and there is no one like Sgt. 1st Class Brian Pacholski to comfort them. When they are back home, alone with their thoughts, families with no clue how much pain they brought back with them. The pain is still there even when you can't see the tears anymore.

While everyone adjusts after combat, we cannot assume the adjustment is always positive. Two out of three may live with the traumas of combat and end up stronger, more appreciative of what and who they have in their lives. One out of three are facing a negative adjustment afterwards. For them, the pain changes everything. The way they feel about people in their lives changes. The way they look at the world changes. The way they see themselves changes at the same time the people in their lives want to see the same person they always knew.

This leads families into dangerous territory. They respond to the veteran with anger, judgment and demands, expecting the veteran to return to the way they were before. While the veteran can heal, they will never be the same again. Everyone is changed by events in our lives. Some more profoundly than others. Their minds automatically build walls around their emotions to protect them from more harm. The process traps out good feelings as well as bad, releasing anger more than any other emotion because anger kept them prepared in combat. As the above picture shows, there are moments when emotional pain takes over even while anger is strong.

Jerry Beck came home in pain and now his family wants Senator Bill Nelson to get involved with helping the troops come home properly to the help they need to heal. This is not the first family to ask the congress to do the right thing. Helping the families is just as important as helping the soldiers but few families know what to do to help.

Report after report comes out on steps taken to address suicides and PTSD but they are always followed by reports showing these steps are not working. Congress keeps holding hearings on listening to heartbroken families but they don't seem interested in families that have suffered the heartbreak of PTSD veterans and ended up coming out of the dark. When will congress be interested in what has worked since men like this came home?

No one was interested when Vietnam Veterans came home with PTSD any more than they were interested in Korean veterans coming home or older generations. No one was interested in telling families what actually worked to get them through all of it when congress could have held hearings on the problems to finance the healing and then taken a step further, having hearings on what works to make sure those programs received the funds and not research projects for businesses façade pretending to be a program.

Why is congress still hearing about families suffering when they could be listening to families talking about healing?

His family says they've contacted Senator Bill Nelson's (D-FL) office, hoping to raise more awareness about the need for returning military to receive mental health treatment.

Missing soldier with Bay area ties found on Florida east coast
6:42 PM, May 13, 2011
Written by
Adam Freeman
TAMPA, FLORIDA-- A soldier with ties to the Tampa Bay area, missing for more than two weeks, was found early Friday hundreds of miles away from home.

Jerry Beck was found by Brevard County deputies walking alone along the side of a road.

Since disappearing from Georgia, the only sign of Beck, a husband and father of three, came when his car was found abandoned near I-75 and the Lee Roy Selmon Expressway in Hillsborough County.

Beck used to live in Temple Terrace and still has friends in the area, so his family believed he was near Tampa.

"We're so happy now because we know he's alive," said Beck's father, Dewey.
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Missing soldier with Bay area ties found on Florida east coast