Home is a different place when they come back

Home is a different place when they come back

When they come home, sooner or later, they want to go back. They wanted to go back to Vietnam. They wanted to go back to Afghanistan. They wanted to go back to Iraq. Why? Why would anyone want to go back to where they were considering their lives were on the line everyday? You'd think they would want to just go back to the lives they had before. It's an easy assumption to make but you'd have to consider that they are no longer the same person to understand why they want to go back. Home is a different place.

The place they lived in is the same. The family and friends they left are still the same. They are no longer the same. Profound changes happened in the way they think about everything because of their experiences. They stopped being "Joe" the civilian high school student worrying about passing a test or scoring a prom date. They became "GI Joe" worrying about staying alive. Instead of being able to go back, pick up their lives where they left off, nothing is ever the same.

Readjustment after combat is a tough thing to do but it is almost impossible if they cannot make peace with the changes that happened within.

Let's take a look at our own lives and how things are different for us.

A new Mom comes back from the hospital with her baby and we know her life will never be the same. She has a baby to worry about, wake up for, take care of and for the rest of her life, she is responsible to do the best she can for her son or daughter. The moment she walks into her home, life as she knew it, ended. People understand why the baby comes first.

A family walks around what is left of their home after a tornado destroyed it. They find a couple of things they had in the ruins and they know their lives will never be the same. They will live in another place, buy different things, but they will never again feel as if anything is forever. Their values change. They know that the things they had really don't matter when they are gone. People understand why they know longer place so much importance on "stuff" they own.

Death is another changer. A wife buries her husband after 50 years together. Life as she knew it ended. She starts another chapter of her life alone. People understand why she no longer wants to come for a visit or starts to do other things to fill up her days.

We can understand these changes but we can't understand when a man or woman comes back from a strange country where they saw so much. We expect them to be the same. We don't expect them to think differently, dream differently or act differently. When they act out of the ordinary, we are not able to understand as much as we are able to regarding other people.

All of us need to open our eyes and help them to find peace with the changes inside of themselves they cannot heal as much as we need to help them heal what they can.

Be there to listen when they want to talk and only for as long as they want to talk about it. When they want to change the subject, let them.

Stop telling them to get over it or to put it behind them.

Stop wanting them to go back to the way they were before.

Allow them to make choices.

If they don't want to go someplace, go by yourself without anger or hurt feelings.

If they need to sit in a certain place at a restaurant, let them sit where they feel comfortable.

If there seems to be bigger issues going on, then find out what PTSD is and learn how to help them as much as you need to know how to help yourself.

Help home to be a place where they feel as if they belong again.