Army didn't want family of fallen Major saying he was gay

How bad has it been for gay soldiers serving this country when a family is asked to keep it to themselves that a Major, killed serving his country, was gay? That is something that is never really discussed.  There are men and women buried in graves at Arlington but you'd never know it.  It is not as if they have rainbow colored headstones popping up amid the sea of white stones.  At Arlington, they all look the same.  You can't tell what race they were but you can remember a time in the history of this nation when only white soldiers were allowed to serve.  You can't tell if the grave belongs to a male or female unless you are close enough to read the name, but you can remember a time when females were not allowed to serve.  When you see the graves at Arlington, you don't know if they were married, single, straight or gay.  The only thing you can be sure of is they all died serving this country.

Did the Major have an honor guard and full military funeral just like everyone else?  An honor, a true honor, would be they honored the life of his man who died for it but the Army only wanted to pretend to honor his life when they asked the family to keep his personal lifestyle quiet.  They must have forgotten that the military only borrows these men and women from their families while they live and when they die, it is the family returning to the grave to mourn the loss of the person they loved for who he or she was and all they were.

Friends honor gay soldier Maj. Alan Rogers, killed in Iraq, after repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'

BY BILL HUTCHINSON
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Monday, December 20th 2010, 9:53 AM

A gay Bronx soldier who fought for the repeal of the military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy and died serving in Iraq was honored by friends at his snow-covered grave site.

Pals decorated Maj. Alan Rogers' grave at Arlington National Cemetery Saturday with flowers, a rainbow-colored lei, a Christmas wreath and congratulatory notes.

"Alan, we did it," one note read.

Tony Smith, 40, of Alexandra, Va., said he was one of the first friends to reach Rogers grave after the historic vote.

Daly wrote that the folded flag from Rogers' coffin was presented to a cousin and that his relatives were asked by the Army to refrain openly discussing his sexual orientation.

Read more: Friends honor gay soldier Maj. Alan Rogers

A dear friend of mine is also buried at Arlington. The fact she was gay is not something I focus on because I focus on her laugh and how much she cared about the others serving this country. When her military life was over, it really wasn't over as a veteran fighting for other veterans. She testified before congress on Agent Orange and PTSD many times as a veteran. No one in congress cared about anything other than she was suffering from Agent Orange and PTSD as they listened to her talk.

When she decided to tell me that she was gay, it was years after we had spent many hours communicating with emails and phone calls. It was not until after we had a discussion about a news report that came out about a gay soldier and I voiced my opinion that she felt safe in telling me. She said it was a relief knowing she didn't have to hide her personal life from me anymore.

We talked about my husband and daughter, her family and the work we did. She was a wonderful woman, dear friend and true champion for veterans. That is what mattered to me and still stands out in my mind.

This talk about gays serving open being a distraction in battle seems more like a made up excuse when you consider if a soldier or Marine is so poorly trained they would be hitting on another soldier or Marine during a battle, that would indicated a larger problem with the preparedness of them than anything else. They must have used the same excuse when women were entering into the military without having to disguise themselves as males. When they are facing guns and bombs, the last thing on their mind is sex. They are too busy worrying about the lives of the others they are with and dying that day to think about anything else.

With all the talk about this sexual issue no one seems to be talking about all the sexual assaults that should be a more important issue to focus on since it is a crime. Where are these same commanders on this issue? Are they raising warnings about females being sexually assaulted by "straight" soldiers and Marines? Do they talk about how it is a distraction in battle? It seems more like rape has been one more "don't ask don't tell" practice for them.

Does it bother soldiers when they know someone in their unit has raped a female soldier? Does it harm the unity they are supposed to have when one of their own has been assaulted?

Rape is a crime because it is forced on someone else. Being "gay" is not a crime unless they force themselves on someone else. The issue here is that it is considered a "sin" and often people will quote from the Old Testament or letters from Paul but never once did Christ speak of it. He did talk about adultery because it hurts other people. He talked about judging someone but His issue was loving God and loving other people. This nation is supposed to be about freedom to worship as we want and equality as humans so how can we treat other humans as worth less because they are in the minority? When you consider that the men and women wiling to serve this nation are a minority as it is, gay people in the military should be the least of their issues and true crimes against them should be a lot more important. If commanders really cared about morality, they should be stopping rapes and treating it like the crime it is or they have no real moral ground to stand on.

But now we have an elected official fighting to dishonor yet again by forcing them to keep silent on their personal lives. He wants to keep "don't ask, don't tell" which only served to keep them hiding, much like the Army wanted to keep Major Roger's family silent.

Virginian: Bar gays from National Guard
After Hill move, Marshall says it's state prerogative
By Seth McLaughlin-The Washington Times
Responding to the federal repeal of the military policy banning open gays from serving in the armed forces, a state lawmaker in Virginia plans to fight back with legislation that bars "active homosexuals" from serving in the Virginia National Guard.

Delegate Robert G. Marshall said the Constitution reserves states with the authority to do so and that he'll introduce a bill in the state General Assembly next year that ensures the "the effect of the 1994 federal law banning active homosexuals from America's military forces will apply to the Virginia National Guard."

"With the repeal of 'don't ask, don't tell,' President Obama seeks to pay back his homosexual political supporters," the Prince William County Republican said, echoing a sentiment shared by many of the repeal's most ardent opponents. "This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft."

"The Constitution never would have been ratified if states were not [guaranteed] unqualified control of the militia, now called the National Guard," he said.

But Claire Gastanaga, legislative counsel for Equality Virginia, a gay-rights group, said the National Guard is a federal military unit subject to the same rules as other federal military units and that "any state statute seeking to set different standards for the Virginia National Guard would be a nullity with no effect."
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Bar gays from National Guard