Chaplain Kathie
"Through many dangers, toils and snares" is one part of this song that gets me every time. It makes me look back at other times in my life when I just didn't think I'd ever overcome what I was going through. It makes me remember when everything seemed just too hopeless and I, I was not worthy of being helped by anyone, especially God. God however graced my life and saved me despite myself. I have made such a mess out of my life so many times it is beyond reason I am still here. You'd think that after facing death so many times, not from combat but from illness, accidents and violence, I would be thankful for each day upon this earth, but so many times I wished for the end of the struggle, longed for the end of the pain in my soul and tears that fell far too many nights. I was too focused on what I lacked, what I could not do and how other people treated me or judged me unfairly without knowing what was inside of me.
I fell into every trap, was cut on every snare, fell prey to every person hoping to take advantage of me and I knew what it was like to hate, to want revenge and to rejoice over the grief of someone else that hurt me. It was in one of my darkest moments that I handed my life over to God knowing full well that He knew all of me. The good and the bad could not be hidden from Him any more than I could hide pain behind anger. Little by little, He worked on my, softened my temper, opened my eyes and let me see what I had been missing all along. This lifelong Greek Orthodox woman with faith once as much a part of my life as breathing was, was finally seeing God through the eyes of love the way Christ came to confirm it.
Did He take away all of my burdens? Take away all my tears? Remove all my fears? No. He did however give me what I needed to get through all the bad life has to offer as well as rejoice with all it provides.
Listen to the words of Amazing Grace sung by Judy Collins. Then read on.
The lyrics to Amazing Grace change depending on the singer but the meaning of this song never changes.
Amazing Grace
Lyrics
John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come;'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.
Maybe it's because I've felt so much pain in my own life and have lived with the pain in my husband all these years, I am able to understand the pain felt by the men and women in the military who become our veterans. I am not one of them. I do not know what it is like to be willing to willingly place myself into the position where I know I may have to lay down my life as well as take a life in order to save others. That is a burden few understand but we can understand what it is like to be a human wanting to do what we are called to do and the struggles we face in order to do it.
This is our link to them. This is our chance to understand the price they pay after and it is our calling to help them heal.
The dangers and toils and snares, they have already come. They were saved by the grace of God and we cannot explain why He allows some to live on while He embraces the others home. We can only know the men and women who survive, survived for a reason only Heaven knows. Coming home is the hardest part for them because their danger days are supposed to be over. No longer are they subjected to bullets and bombs or witnessing the worst that man can do to man. No longer are they trying to save the lives of their friends or mourning the loss of others but they are left to question every day of their deployment, every action, every deed and every word they muttered from anger and fear. It is the part of war that came home with them that they need to fear the most.
What part of them escaped the horrors of combat? What part of them is still sweet, loving, kind, humble and sensitive? What part of them is still strong and beyond regret? What other parts of them are frozen behind the wall terror built? What will it take to bring that wall down so they can heal?
It all begins with forgiveness. Forgiving themselves for all they felt they lacked and all they believe they did that was wrong. No matter how many times you try to convince them that they did what they had to do, they will always be blaming themselves for having done it. They will blame everyone else for all that went wrong and they will blame the enemy. All understandable and all human reactions to what they went through but not very helpful at all when they are trying to recover the best parts of their nature. They were not allowed to feel because of where they were and what was happening so it all comes rushing in on them.
They need to know there is nothing they cannot be forgiven for and suggesting to them they did nothing wrong is dismissing that pain. Remind them Christ forgave from the cross and then tell them there is nothing God cannot forgive them for. Forgiveness is between them and God so get out of their way. Help them to forgive others and let go of what they have no control over. Forgive them for what they do while trapped in pain and then hold them accountable as they heal but only after you become aware of where it is all coming from. And then, then forgive yourself for the time in your life when you just didn't know any better but did what you could with what you knew in that moment.
All of the "person" they were before is still in there but just as the rest of us humans arise on the other side of life with yesterday tagging along, they have combat tagging along inside of them. If you look at your own life honestly, then you will see how each day has played a part in the person you are today. Then you will understand how they have become the way they are as well. None of this is hopeless for them any more than life is hopeless for the rest of us. Begin today to believe that God's grace will help the person you love come home all the way to you and they can heal.
PTSD lives off of everything negative and eats away everything positive in their lives. This is why addressing the spiritual part of their lives matters enough to predict the outcome of any kind of therapy. The negative energy needs to be defeated. This is a painful process because as every negative emotion is reduced, the painful ones gain power and releasing them feels as if they are getting worse until they understand that pain is rushing out instead of being trapped inside. That release is freeing their soul so they can build in more good emotions to rejoice with and sing a song of Amazing Grace that saved a wretch like them just as it saved one like me.
What a moving piece, and the link to Amazing Grace is perfect. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for that. I really appreciate it.
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