Survivor shows sexual abuse victims how to reclaim their lives

Vacaville man showing other sexual abuse victims how to reclaim their lives
By David Deerfeeder
Posted: 03/21/2010 12:02:56 PM PDT


I attended a Roman Catholic elementary school, high school and university. I knew many dedicated priests and nuns who lived in integrity. Early on, I also met the priest who molested me repeatedly as a child. He was a sick and twisted individual. With the emerging news of sex abuse scandals concerning Roman Catholic schools in Europe, I am reminded of my own abuse experiences and the long road of reaction and recovery that followed them. Archbishop Robert Zollitsch, head of the German Bishops Conference, is quoted as saying, "Sexual abuse of children ... has neither to do with celibacy, nor with homosexuality, nor with Catholic sexual doctrine."

I am relieved to hear a Roman Catholic prelate who understands that the sexual abuse of a child by an adult is not about sexual orientation. It is about power. Recovering from sexual abuse is also about power. Breaking the silence about what happened is the start of reclaiming the power that was surrendered -- not lost -- during the abuse. It may be decades before that silence can be approached, much less broken. It requires attaining a moment that feels safe and mustering enough courage to feel strong.

It can be a long and difficult road from the abuse to that moment of coinciding strength and safety. Our society portrays the ideal man as the strong, silent type, expected to rise to any challenge in a world where "winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." Even a boy knows this expectation. When he is sexually abused, he knows he was not the winner in the encounter. Shame over his powerlessness will hold him in silence for as long as he keeps the secret.
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