Not wanting to relive it is no excuse

Not wanting to relive it is no excuse
by
Chaplain Kathie

It's been said over and over again, "I don't want to relive it!" but when they say it, they are missing the point they are already reliving it every time they have a flashback and a nightmare. They also live with it when they act the way they do, think the way they do and react the way they do. They may want with all their heart to escape it, do whatever they can think of in an attempt to do it, but in the end, the event refuses to die.

Getting treatment, talking about it, hurts like hell. If anyone says it's easy to relive hell out in the open, letting someone else know your darkest thoughts, then let them tell you their's. They will soon discover just how hard it is. It takes a lot of courage to open up about what is trapped inside of you but when you do, you will begin to heal.

What you first need to know is that you have not stopped reliving it but you can. Even with the passing of many years, much of what you are suffering from can be reversed, and what can't be, you can make peace with.

"I don't want to talk about it!" does not make it go away and you already know this. You may try everything you can think of but not talking about it, not letting it out, leaves it in control over your life.

You may drink to stop feeling the pain, but then you end up not feeling anything good from your spouse, your kids, your family and your friends. You are only pushing them away. You know this is not the right way to stop feeling as badly as you do.

You may think that your next bright idea is the key to making you happy, so you do stupid things, like leaving your family and starting a new life. Soon you discover that the pain went with you and it didn't work. Then instead of seeking help, you come up with the next fix-all to make you happy instead of facing the fact the pain and sadness followed you.

Many veterans have ended one marriage only to start anther one hoping "This time it'll be different." For a time, it may seem different, but sooner or later, the darkness comes again, the same problems experienced in the previous marriage begin in the new one and then it's time to leave again. What's the point? When do you finally figure out that the pain you do relive everyday is not worth carrying around with you destroying your hope of feeling good? Of having someone in your live loving you? Of being able to spend a day enjoying something sober? Of feeling once again what it's like to really feel a hug?

Do you really want the pain to win? Do you want PTSD to fully take over your life destroying any possibility of being truly happy? That is exactly what you are doing seeking excuses to not heal! What are you afraid of? The pain that will come when you want it to as you open up to someone? You are in control over it when you want it to come out. You take control over it refusing to let it just eat away at you.

Are you afraid of the tears that will flow as you begin to heal? Why? They are just un-cried tears now. The pain is there but instead of releasing it, it is taking control over every other part of your life.

Do you think that the anger you allow yourself to feel is really protecting you? It isn't. It's robbing you of joy, relationships and hope. Do you think you don't deserve to feel anything good anymore? Anger served you in combat and maybe, just maybe, you believe it is keeping you from being hurt even more, but you know that is not true. You never really stop feeling the pain.

Stop finding excuses to not get help because whatever you come up with, reality will bite you in the ass and then you wake up accepting the fact it's time to start finding help to heal instead of ways to just cover it up.