In war, you learn to shut out such horror

As much as there is reason to complain about the fact so many do not receive help for PTSD, stories like this are stunning. Thirty years ago, reading something like this was impossible even though this kind of story was being repeated in every town, every city, across America. They went to where we sent them. They became veterans of WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam. No story was new but all were hidden from the news aside from a report of a veteran charged with a crime, there was very little being reported on any of them.

No one wanted to talk almost as if they remained silent, they wouldn't expose their "secret" lives and it would all go away. As they waited for it to go away, along with their families, it got worse. No one was healing but all were fighting because of combat. "Dad was too much of everything. He was quiet too much when he was not barking out orders. He was working too much, never around to go to ball games or do anything with the family. He was drinking too much when he wasn't working too much. Parents fought too much." All of these have been reported by children of veterans, including me, but then I got to repeat all of this as a spouse.

I wanted to keep my life a secret. It was easier that way. People knew a little about my life but considering my family couldn't understand it no matter how hard I tried to explain it to them, it was a sure bet others would judge me as well and tell me to divorce my husband. I knew they couldn't understand it because no one was talking about any of it even though all my uncles and my father were veterans. I helped my husband's friends and then some others I found online, but as far as online work went, I kept my name private using my Mom's maiden name just as I had with the newspaper pieces I wrote. No one was talking including my husband as if he had something to feel ashamed of.

Now it is a blessing that so many are talking. Because of their courage, telling their stories will touch another veteran feeling alone, hanging onto thoughts getting in the way of healing and above all, offer hope that healing is possible instead of suffering in silence.

In war, you learn to shut out such horror. It’s called “survival mode.”

Fighting the War at Home

New America Media, Commentary, Jeremy P., Posted: Feb 21, 2010

Editor’s Note: A soldier returns safely after surviving sniper fire and roadside bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan. But the hypervigilance and suppressed emotions that kept him alive have taken a heavy toll. Jeremy P. wrote this for the Veterans Workshop, a New America Media writing project for military veterans.

I came home from Iraq in March 2004, yet I’m still fighting a war, a war here at home. It’s a war of shadows, one that no one seems to really understand. A war of anger and anxiety, fought in the recesses of my mind.

Just like in the two wars I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, I don’t know who the enemy is. There, insurgents take pot shots at you, then go back into hiding. Combating post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, is the same. Some days I feel as if I have the enemy on the run; other days it has me pinned down.

I am a former military policeman. I was among the first soldiers to move into Afghanistan after the Sept. 11 attacks. For nine months, my company provided support for Rangers and special operations forces. We returned home in September 2002. Four months later, in January 2003, we were in Kuwait preparing for another war.

It took me a long time to learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an act of courage. Post-traumatic stress doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It’s a natural reaction to trauma. With help, you learn to understand it and how to cope with it.

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Fighting the War at Home