by Chaplain Kathie
I listen to veterans problems and the cries for help from their families as I have been for over 25 years. Hearing what they are going thru makes my own problems seem so tiny. Whenever I listen to them or read their stories in some news site article, they take me back to a dark time when I was lost, alone, had no place to turn to for support and had to learn how to save my husband on my own. I remember it all a little too well and that is what's behind what I do.
When we read about reports centered around PTSD, we find it easy to assume all is being done to take care of our veterans but the truth is only a fraction of what is needed is being done. Less than half of the veterans needing help with PTSD seek help. Consider that when you think of the backlog of claims, the influx of veterans trying to find help in the VA hospitals across the country and going to organizations springing up in all areas. Less than half.
There are still some veterans with no understanding of what PTSD is, others still think of it as a sign of weakness, a thing of shame and even more cannot find the strength within them to seek help at all. Families fall apart, like mine almost did. Veterans end up homeless like mine almost did. Hope slips away and I remember it all a little too well.
This is why I do it. This is why I spend all these hours working for them. This is also why I cannot walk away. It would be as if I walked away from my own husband. I wouldn't do it then and I won't do it now.
Yesterday I sent out an email to some people online begging for help. I am in deep financial trouble. Pride prevented me from asking for help most of the time. Maybe it was the words someone said about me a while ago saying that if I was any good at what I did, then I wouldn't have to ask for help at all. Maybe it's because I've been doing this for so long that by now, I even believe that type of attitude is right. I don't know. I do know the veterans I help cannot afford to donate money to keep me going and I have no connections. My work is used all over the country, provided for free, and the people using my videos, copying my entries on the blog and sharing what I've learned, for whatever reason, find it valuable enough to use but not enough to feel the need to pay for any of it. I usually wonder how they would feel if no one wanted to pay them for their time or their help.
Here's the email I sent out
I have a new video for veterans and the troops with PTSD. I made this video because I am flooded with requests for help by them and their families. None of what we're seeing in PTSD has to happen. We will continue to see the increase in suicides, attempted suicides and devastated families until they get the support they really need to understand what PTSD is and how to cope.
Posted to Great Americans by NamGuardianAngel on December 14, 2009
I have created over 30 videos and have over 18,000 posts on my blogs dedicated to our veterans. I have done this for free since 1982. Up until two years ago, I had paying jobs to support the work I do on behalf of our veterans. Since then, it has been a financial nightmare adding to my stress. Yesterday, my electricity was shut off and the money to pay to turn it back on had to be taken from a drained bank account. I am in desperate need of financial help. If you can make a donation of even $10.00 dollars plus pass this request on, it will help me in this dire time of need.
There is a PayPal button on my blog you can use to make a donation. If you use this means, your donation will not be deductible but I will be able to receive it fast. There is also an address with the IFOC so that you can make a tax deductible donation via mail. If you value the work I do, then please, help me to be able to keep doing it. I cannot continue without you.
All these years, I prayed to God for help. I found it very hard to ask people for help even though when God answers our prayers, He usually sends other people to answer the prayers. When they don't show up, we blame Him. I couldn't blame Him. I knew it had to be me.
Maybe I'm just not good enough at what I do, I'll think from time to time as I struggle to find reasons to go on when no one is showing up to help me. I came up with all kinds of reasons until Thursday night when our electricity was shut off. Then I couldn't stop crying.
All these years of helping strangers and no one was coming to help me. Friday it dawned on me that no one knew how bad it was for us financially or that I needed help at all. Maybe it was my pride preventing me from asking or maybe I just assumed no one would help me. Yes, I've been beaten down that far over the years that it becomes hard to believe anyone would think I was worth helping.
When we do things for the right reasons but end up greeted by Satan's foot standing in our way, we keep trying to get past it but we are tiny alone. We need help from others to get by. If we are afraid no one will think we are worth helping if they knew the truth, then we not only suffer needlessly, we never really give of ourselves. When we share our own struggles, when we show our own doubts, when we share that we are not prefect in anything or self-sustaining "I don't need anyone" rocks, then we are not helping anyone really.
How can you tell someone you understand their pain if you share none of your own? How can you offer them any hope of getting past it if you never show them where you were before you got to where you are? You can't and this is why many are not trusted enough.
My prayer was always to help veterans like my husband and their families. My prayer was answered. I was provided with every word needed, every thought, compassion that does not end and an endless supply of matches from God when I get burnt out. When I prayed for financial help it did come from time to time but it was a constant struggle. I've asked from time to time on the blog, but when I did, nothing came in to help me. So I tried again but this time asking people I've been contacted by asking me for help in the past.
I asked for $10.00 thinking I surely would be worth $10.00 to someone out there. I was shocked when I received more than I asked for from a couple of people. How could they think I was worth so much when others can't think I'm worth anything?
When we get beaten down so low, it's easier for us to think of ourselves as worth-less than we were when we were the ones doing the work, doing the helping, feeling oh so needed instead of needy. When you look it all of this the right way, then you understand that if you don't look down on people you help, then you should not look down on yourself when you need help as well.
Pray when you need help that God will send you the help you need but pray with an open heart and stop being ashamed you need to ask for help. Pride will get you nowhere. God will see the humbleness within you when you admit you are only human and need others to help you so that you can help them in return. I can't help anyone if my electricity gets shut off again and I can't do this work online. I can't help anyone if I have no place to live. I surely can't keep creating the videos if I can't buy music to use. Just as I no longer travel the country because I cannot afford it, I would have to stop answering the phone when they need me. How can I be so willing to help but unwilling to ask for help when I need it? Lesson for the day is: What good will your pride do you when you fall flat on your face and still refuse to ask for help? Set your pride aside and see your prayers answered.
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