Families need education if they live with PTSD veterans

Families need education if they live with PTSD veterans
by
Chaplain Kathie

A National Guardsman's mom contacted me a while back. She was at her wits end. By the time she found me, her son had tried to commit suicide twice. His young family had fallen apart and he was divorced with two young children growing up without their Dad at home. He was being treated for PTSD, or should I say medicated for it because he did not receive therapy, had very little understanding of what was happening inside of him, living on the couch of a friend and wondering why he ended up the way he did. His wife couldn't understand either.

His Mom was lost, feeling confused finding out her son, the son she knew all of his life, was more like a stranger to her. She felt helpless, hopeless and alone not knowing where to turn or why she needed to do anything above worrying about her son.

She understands what PTSD is and he is now healing from the burden he's been trying to heal from. They have a long way to go but at least they are on the right track now.

This happens all the time. They leave home with one personality and return as strangers. War changes everyone. Being away in a strange land changes people but add in the chaos of combat, losing friends, seeing civilians die, no one returns exactly the same way they left.

Some recover from it, changed ever so slightly. Others lose their identity, their faith, their trust and hope of recovering. As time passes, their condition worsens, they are turned away from everyone in their family, the government will not provide them with what they need to recover, whatever is left evaporates to the point where only anger lives.

Had this Guardsman's family knew what was happening inside of him, the possibility of the family staying together would have been there but without the right kind of support the family needed, it all fell apart.

The Mom was able to understand PTSD and what she need to do to help her son. She was filled with regret because of all the years she didn't know what was happening to her son, but the truth was, she didn't know because no one ever told her.

We read blogs like this and assume everyone knows what PTSD is and that it is a wound to the soul. Yet when you talk to people about it, they don't have the slightest clue what it is.

I was talking to two women over Christmas weekend. One had a relative who acted strangely and the other woman worked with seniors in a hospital encountering many veterans. They said families don't understand it, turn their backs on the veterans or blame the veterans for how they act. None of this has to happen.

The families are key to all of this. From the time when the veteran comes home changed, they are the first to notice it but too many don't understand what they are seeing. They are the first to see the symptoms but if they don't understand what is behind the symptoms, they think the worst. From self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, to withdrawing from the family and avoidance of any kind of activities they used to enjoy, they also deal with the nightmares and flashbacks.

If they don't understand they blame the veteran instead of PTSD. They think they need to get rid of the veteran from their home instead of heal the veteran to save the veteran.

When they understand the love they have for their veteran turns them into an advocate fighting for what the veteran needs to heal and they demand it. The veteran loses the ability to fight for themselves, so they take over. They get doctors to listen. They get the service organizations to make sure VA claims are honored to the level appropriate to the wound. They make sure their kids understand what is going on and why their parent is acting the way they do and anyone getting in the way of their veteran healing had better be prepared for the wrath of a veteran's spouse.

We can keep talking about the rise in divorce, the rise in homelessness, the rise in suicides and attempted suicides but until we talk about the fact most families have no clue what PTSD is, we will keep seeing these numbers rise instead of going down.