My Husband My Hero My Veteran

People thank me for what I do then, sooner or later, they ask why I do it. The truth is, my Vietnam vet husband has saved countless lives without knowing it. What I do, I do because of him. He never seems to be aware of the fact he is a hero.

Yesterday was Veterans Day and as usual, I was online most of the day or on the phone. He never complains about the hours I spend or the fact most weeks it's about a 70 hour week. He doesn't complain about hours on the phone or calls late at night. He never complains when I have to travel or go to meetings or yet another training session. He remembers what it was like when he had no one to talk to and when I had no one to teach me what he could not tell me.

My husband was very young in Vietnam and doesn't think he did much at all. He did what was asked of him and that is where the story was supposed to end. Most of them are just like that. They think they are average, but they don't see how rare they are when the rest of the over 300 million people in this country don't have a clue what it is like to risk your life for the sake of the nation. He thinks his father and uncles, all WWII veterans and all passed away, were the heroes, even though none of them thought they were.

I grew up surrounded by veterans and that is behind the reason I began to investigate Vietnam and PTSD. I knew there was something very different about Jack and wanted to figure it out. I've been doing this since we met in 1982.

I wanted everyone to know what I knew so they would be able to help veterans heal and stop the twisted thinking that they were suddenly some kind of selfish jerk when their lives before they went were much different than the way they came home. I wanted everyone to know that it was not their fault. To know they could heal and actually live lives again. Above all, I wanted them to know that beyond the heartache there comes a time when they will rejoice over the victory after the worst is over.

None of what we are seeing has to happen with the suicides, arrests, divorces, domestic violence or homelessness. No family has to bury a veteran because hope has slipped away and they commit suicide.

No one serves alone and no one heals alone. It takes the same kind of interest we all seem to have as we see them off when they deploy and welcome them home with a prayer of thanks. No one should have to spend over 25 years studying everything about PTSD coming out when people like me have already been there, lived with it and done it so they won't have to. No wife should have to lose a husband like Jack and I want them all to spend the rest of their lives happy they went through the fire the way I did so they can see them living again.

I've helped a lot of veterans over the years and some have been awarded medals for their valor. Each one of them wants me to thank my husband for what I do because they know behind it all is a man who is filled with grace and a humble spirit thinking of them.

Whenever the financial problems take a toll on me, I feel like a failure because my family is suffering for my lost paychecks but Jack tells me I am not a failure at all. He still believes in me even if I cannot believe in myself at times and he reminds me how important what I do is. I look at him and know what is possible.

This is also my greatest heartache.

When some people dismiss PTSD, I think of the years I was watching Jack dying a slow death always afraid each day would be the day a police officer would come to the door instead of him. I think of how much pain he was carrying and know even with that depth of pain, he still would risk his life to help someone else. How with the nightmares and flashbacks, the last thing he wanted to do was to quit his job but he did only because his doctors told him the stress was making it all worse for him.

I think about phone calls from mothers and wives after it was too late to help their veterans. Then I grieve deeper when I know none of it had to happen if they knew what I knew, found me sooner, had support earlier and knew they were not alone.

Even though Veterans Day is over, there will still be parades on Saturday. When you go to them, when you want to thank a veteran for their service, remember that they are not just a veteran on one day out of the year but everyday of every year and maybe when you thank them you will think of the price many of them still pay for their willingness to lay down their lives and what that statement actually means. Laying down your life means being willing to die for someone else, but it also means to be willing to put the needs of someone else first. This my Jack does everyday and this is why he is a hero to a lot of veterans he will never meet. He is the reason I do what I do.