Siblings of troops often are forgotten mourners

Siblings of troops often are forgotten mourners

By Kimberly Hefling - The Associated Press
Posted : Thursday Sep 24, 2009 16:38:39 EDT

WASHINGTON — The photo tells one story: brothers Chad and Ian Weikel, all smiles, arms around each other on Ian’s wedding day. The tattoos now on Chad’s forearms tell another — about his anguish over his brother’s death in Iraq.

Words like “rage,” “alone” and “fury” are interwoven in the tattoos along with the likeness of Capt. Ian Weikel, a West Point graduate. Chad, 32, says his older brother’s death in 2006 put him on a path that led to divorce and a decision to enlist in the Army Reserves. He recently moved from Colorado Springs, Colo., to Washington for a fresh start after a car crash kept him from starting basic training.

“It got pretty dark after all the services and all the family and friends stopped coming by,” says Weikel. “We were very close. I miss him every day.”

Weikel is one of the wars’ forgotten mourners, the brothers and sisters of those killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Unlike a parent or a spouse, they don’t typically get the knock at the door notifying them of a sibling’s death. At a time when they, too, are grieving, they find themselves doing the comforting, writing the thank you notes, mediating family disputes.

On Friday, about 100 siblings and their spouses are meeting in Las Vegas for a weekend retreat organized by Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, a Washington-based nonprofit that offers support to anyone who lost a loved one in the Armed Forces.

TAPS says there are thousands of surviving siblings from the recent wars. A majority are in their 20s or 30s — a time when many are starting careers and families.

There have been divorces and suicide attempts among siblings taking part in an online private support group facilitated by TAPS, says Ami Neiberger-Miller, 38, a spokeswoman for the organization. Her own brother, Army Spc. Christopher Neiberger, 22, of Gainesville, Fla., died in Iraq in 2007.
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http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_military_grieving_siblings_092409/